As I said in the briefer version of this two-step daily blog dance, I will be here (or somewhere sharing words) every day (clever title, aye?), it seems, as long as I am able to physically share words for so many reasons, but primarily to practice sharing even when no one is around to share. I crave sharing almost all the time these days, probably because I live alone, am more stressed aout survival and mortality and health and other life-stuff than I've been in a few years, and time enough for love is winding down. We all believe something and I believe we are here, alive in this physical life, to share. I'd really like to live my dream and belief for real with someone else before the end of this body's time in this life. serious, no doubt. So what's your story? :)
Irreverence is my savior or shield or gift or something like that. I shall seek to find humor every day (get it, the title has some meaning here too) and even when humor eludes my perspective, I shall strive to find or create an irreverence with the reverence of the most devout follower of any faith. Irreverence with Reverence, now there's a title worth remembering. Perhaps an autobiography or biography? Let's just do this then:
Title and Idea (Concept) Copyright Candor Communications 2016, All Rights Reserved
There, that's ought to assure me of little to nothing, but at least I can officially claim it as mine even after someone claims it as theirs because I put it online first. Yes, I googled it as a title like this [ title "Irreverence With Reverence" ] and while the phrase did come up in some narratives, there was nothing entitled "Irreverence With Reverence" so it's mine, all mine. I'm not kidding. Of course there will be two companion blogs, naturally. If you are surprised, you must be new here. That's ok, you'll either start laughing soon, get seriously concerned about my mental health, or disappear without a trace (or something like that). Everyone goes through it, uniquely just the same.
Coky bugger tonight, isn't he? Maybe because he won another night at Bridge against much more experienced players. Not without the help of the most experienced player though, thank you Commodore. Today was like most days since this blog began and since I stopped working. Laziness is certainly a factor as I am not exercising beyond playing softball five days a week and certainly have the time. Depression about the state of finances and loneliness and unwantedness and whatever else, perhaps, but that is an undercurrent at best as I am loving the free time and really do not want to go back to a full time job (shhhh, don't tell everyone, they are all so worried about me... ok, so maybe I exaggerate. Concern, we are all concerned about me, right?).
Yes, so life is staying up late (past sunrise most nights) and then waking up late (past noon most days). What follows waking up is becoming a pattern and almost always includes tapping out some words on the keyboard. For a while I was occupying much time reading the news of the world and such on Facebook, but about two weeks ago a firend, J, motivated me to read myself (I have put tens of thousands of pages online in the past two decades, after all), comments, and other blogs and I have no been back to Facebook since. I miss it much less than I miss TV and I have not hooked up or even plugged in the TV yet. Thank you J. :)
The key tapping is usually followed by some chores. Some days my own chores around here or out in the world alone. Some day Curly's choores out in the world. His chores require hard physical labor at times which is great as the body definitely benefits from more serious exercise and also quite exhausting and sometimes painful. Almost every day also includes some fun. As I've mentioned (but appear intent on summarizing again for whatever reasons... maybe it's the entry title, aye?), Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings I play softball in three different leagues on three different fields around town. Saturday and Sunday is usually dominated by even more hours of softball in to additional leagues. Tuesday, Thursday, and lately most Saturday evenings (and occasionally after softball on other day) I play cards (Bridges, Spades, hearts, Oh hell, and other games... Bridge more often than not lately) and games (whatever strategy or mindless game anyone chooses). It is a rather busy active life, so why am I so lonely, aye?
in the quiet hours...
in the middle of the night
I fold into the words I write
seeking more sharing
seeking more caring
Here...
in the darkest hours
in the middle of the night
Writing can be my only light
and it is beautiful
and it is wonderful
The moment I stop expressing myself
Will be the moment I am ready to die
The life I leave here, books on the shelf
Await your caring curious eye
And as you read me you bring me to life in your mind
Whatever you understand, that turns me on
And when you feel something inspired by what you find
It is my chance to carry on
In this want I shall never be gone
It may be ego
It may be foolish pride
But I tell myself it is without dissention
That it my purest intention
Just to share
Just to care
Just to give us some reason
for being here
Here here...
Here...
In this moment now...
In the middle of this dream
It's as simple as it seems
seeking more sharing
seeking more caring
Here...
'Til the end of time...
I will live in this rhyme
We will live in this rhyme
and it is wonderful
and it is beautiful
because we shared
because we cared
and it is wonderful
and it is beautiful
because we shared
because we cared
Swinging on a star... or something like that. Feel free to react cuz, after all, that is how sharing happens. :)
So today... Curly came by and I rode along with him on an out of town errand and he treated me to lunch at Mellow Mushroom (I left a $10 tip, still a fool spending money and eating lots of calories). I did pick up Vitamin B Complex along the way, but none of the other things on yesterday's list of things to do got done. Maybe tomorrow (doubtful, as I am still awake and it is going on two full days now... that's right, I didn't sleep at all last night. No tossing and turning, just continuing the reading and writing that has been inspired recently... for what it's worth... in case it matters).
After Curly's out of town errand, we stopped at the store for my Vitamins and then he drove down to Excel and the Commodore's place and played Bridge. As I modetly bragged above, I won the night again, which suggests I am learning the game. Curly did not appear happy, though that may have just been me feeling guilty and interpreting his extreme fatigue as a bummer mood. He, Excel, and the Commodore were up very late last night playing Bridge as one of their former players was in town for the night. Only Commodore is retired and can nap during the day. The fatigue was evident and likely why I won the night, though I am playing better and the luuck of the cards was with me at least half the night. I successfully completed my first grand slam on the first hand of the night. My big head almost exploded. Figuring out the card play is the primary fun for me, but winning is extra icing.
We ended a bit early, 11pm-ish instead of after midnight. Curly drove me back here and then he headed home. I fell asleep playing Ruzzle and woke about an hour or two later and crawled into bed. And here we are. Laying in bed apparently (and obviously, if the two are not mutually exclusive) didn't work. The leftover Taco Bell was really good. Timing it in the microwave so it doesn't dry out and turn leathering can be quite tricky, but I had success. That was the first time I used the microwave in a few weeks. That means I am spending way too much money on daily food and that leads to the fact that I am not each as healthy a balance of foods as I should to play my best and stay alive longer.
Yes, another reminder falling on my own deaf ears. Maybe. No wonder I was pondering my own mortality just a little while ago as I climbed back out of bed and sat down here. I played Ruzzle at first. I am in first place today, the third day of the seven day tournament. The game occupies my mind well and winning boosts the ego (which can always use some more boosting) and self-esteem and confidence soar (or at least stay afloat). Every day repeats like this, though sometimes there are activities and different people,
What's going on in your world?
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