Wednesday, April 19, 2017

For The Distraction (or win)

The life in the world offline is simply unacceptable in a few ways, but it is very good in many ways. Super duper califragilistic ways, at least. The new job is as wonderful and near perfect as a job can be for me. I am only spending $550 a month for rent so I am buying some things I need and seeing the savings increase again. Home, however, sucks in many ways. So I seek distraction and today, I seek distraction by semi-randomly wandering through email and selecting older entries from my blogs to link here. Without reason (though there is always reason even when there is no reason if you know what I mean cha cha cha).

Yeah baby, we got it going in the right direction now lol. The random linking has always been a fun distraction even when it was not the best news (blah blah blah). The bottom line is i am what i am (I think lol) and when I had time I dreamed of saving the world, but then I sometimes lament over who might understand me even as I hope against hope to continue believing in the dream I chose to accept as who I am before I could even begin to understand the world.

Sometimes I get frustrated enough bite, though not often.

I want to believe some people may have actually known me even as I seem to deliberately forget (or perhaps I distract myself enough to use the love of writing to wander nonchalantly through memories and anything that comes along to bring me to my knees with mindless (or obscure) laughter even though that sometimes, especially when you do not discuss it, a single event can unhinged even the best of relationships and sadly, because it is never discussed, the relationship is never the same and the wedge just continues to grow and that is a whole different distraction of another colored horse riding on some storm somewhere.

So meanwhile, back in the mindless numbness of the babbling (or talking to myself or something like that or this (laughter... do you remember laughter?... lol oh please, what are you, plastic?) or what? the confrontation of self, the past, or dreams gone by, for that matter), something in the way life moves... the shortest path to the truth is often the least expected.

So this entry becomes tonight's dinner, perhaps, or at least some sort of self-mockery and above all else, distraction from the never ending surprise (disappointment if I hope for more and there's always hope, in case it matters) people can offer when trusted (if only, if only, if only). Oh, if only the waiting was not such a long long time (Ah, Linda, what could have been).

So I skip along a little like Lenka and a lot like me with the simplicity of one and a two and a three and a four and a nother one that bites the dust out of the blue.