Medicine for Assholes

Music, music is the best medicine for assholes on so many levels. A good ointment may also be wise, but with music. As you may have noticed if you paid attention yesterday, I've been letting music return to my experience and it appears to be having it's usual effect on my affect and writing as I continue today with one of my favorite bands of all time and my second favorite songwriter of all time. This seemed like the most natural progression as the song below came up to remind me of why assholes are assholes, from any perspective, because either you believe god created them or you are one because you believe god created them. Of course there is a whole lot more that goes into an asshole than god, but the concept is the root, at the root, or at least part of the root of so many unpleasantries in this world.

Here's a logic puzzle for you.

Can anyone do something and have no responsibility for doing it?

Or try this one.

Can someone create something and have no responsibility for what is created?

Perhaps an infant.

I suppose we can say an infant is not fully responsible for creating the shit in the diaper.

If you can, think about it.

god 2007 2007 II 2008 2008 II 2009 2009 II 2009 III 2009 IV 2010 2010 II 2010 III 2010 IV 2010 V 2011 2011 II 2012 2012 II 2012 III 2012 IV 2013 2014 2014 II 2015 2015 II 2016 2016 II 2017 2017 II more

Oh, there I went and offended half the world, at least. More like three quarters, unfortunately. But not everyone, thankfully, and the growing number of open minds allows room for hope for humanity. Species survival might actually happen against all odds.

The majority isn't always right, you know? Flat-earthers used to be the vast majority, killing those who did not believe their wrong belief. Same for the Earth-centric universe believers. And how many still believe there's nothing out there beyond our planet but heaven and angels that appear to us as stars and the moon landing was just a TV show created for political propaganda by atheists controlled by some sort of supernatural demon?

How many of you see me as the asshole now? lol.



Blame it on the Beatles.

Some see (or at least used to see) John Lennon as their anti-christ (remember large groups of men in suits burning Beatles records?... lucky they didn't get to John... or did they? - eerie Robert Klein sounds... I wonder, if looked back in history and we kept score, which side of the philosophical-political isle had more people assassinated or killed in some other way along the way?... the small minds have been killing the open minds since the dawn of time... fear kills.) and some saw him as a prophet much like the christ figure about a third of the world believes in. Yeah, just one third. Two thirds of the world, the vast majority, do not believe in a Jesus.

Did you know people who need no religion are the third largest "faith" in this world?

Anyway, some see Donald Trump in the same vein, or veins. Everybody seems to want a savior or martyr or someone to lead them or someone to blame. Maybe Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton or some enemy from a different country does it for you. Which side would you have been on, way back in history, like about 2018 years back? The existing government and religious powers? Or the guy who they killed because he said they were wrong?

Who is responsible for creating the mess? Who is responsible for what you do?

Check this out.

Like it or not, it's happening everywhere and religious people are killing each other, and them over their differences and doubts. Personally, if you want to know and don't already, you can use this label for me if you must have a label for me. I think the need to label everything is an obsessive compulsive disorder, but hey, I'm apathetic, so what do I know. lol.

No wonder I don't find a partner in this life. Even a close personal friend would be nice. A compatable roommate, at least. Maybe I should check the roommate site and even tinder again. I am on the internet, after all.

My asshole itches.

How's yours?

Narf :)

Distracted By Assholes

I play games. Games on the phone, on the computer, in my head. Dozen of them, at least. I indulge my ADD more than ever. No one cares. No one understands or wants to. That's the way it is today. I should take a break from everything, go off into the wilderness somewhere and recalibrate my synapses because I have screwed around with them so much, they don't care either. Not much good comes from playing games with your own mind.

It really doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right. Bouncing from one game to the next, distraction wins, dreams lose, but I don't feel the loneliness as much when my mind is playing. Moments of mindless distraction. A pleasently numb delusion. It seems so real to me. And I love her so. Still, the jokes on me and even though I lost my tapes in Toronto, they are still here, in my mind, playing games. Avoiding the truth (everybody does it). And it shows la la

So I paused from my distractions to come here and play with the words and links and internet s I used to do when there was more frolic and free time in life and less distraction by assholes. I had been meaning to check on the boxes net to my blogs on the blog list and when I did, I remember that those boxes indicate pending comments and I started clicking and that lead me here because this comment lead me to this entry and I remembered my dream and the hopless despair of the futility of it was broken by the inspiration this girl provides when I remember to listen to her and that lead me to want to write and that brought me to listen to John Lennon Remastered 2010 on the youtube (thank you youtube, for all the free music) which reminds me how well he expressed life, at least as I've known it. Feel it.

And how I want it to be.

Even as blogger and this laptop and the internet throw stones (interruptions) to distract me even further, the core calls out once again and I am ignoring it in my usual way, here, for all to see. As if anyone does lol. Sigh. I want to remember and believe.

Maybe I'll listen to some Beatles later.

Did I mention I wandered tinder for a little while tonight. Between distractions. Between songs. Between paragraphs, even. Did I mention that not all distractions are assholes? Mine is, but that doesn't mean yours has to be. I didn't see any assholes on tinder, but then, it's not x-rated and how would one know, anyway?

Oh, how I wish I could just let it go, but I am caught on the merry-go-round of poverty. On the other hand, I long ago let go (at least most of the time and almost always in my mind when I remember who I am) of the delusions most people indulge in all the time. So few people create their own delusion and that is so sad.

Maybe it is all just background noise.

So I let myself fall asleep after dinner and woke somewhere between 1 and 2 am and (seems like code , 1 and 2 am and) here we are as the music plays, the internet provides, and my old log posts haunt.

tbc?...

Raw Data

Well I don’t know how this will work or even if I could send this to email to copy and paste into a blog but here goes. The cough sounds like in text and so today was a day where now I start again. Paragraph enter
That work OK. Next line next lineParagraph enter next line line next paragraph enter line skip skip line space how do I do that space paragraph enter next line paragraph enter next line.
After a period.
So today what is a day to remember wow. We start off late because I woke little late 7:30 AM. And I am wasn’t Abba Abba Abba EB OK I have to spell abs name EB was not awake yet so I went on the computer for a moment then checked email and wrote a couple of emails and dawdled too long hoping he would go. But he hung around and didn’t leave until almost 9. That’s when I took a shower and I headed out maybe about 930. I was confused. Next line skip line.
How do I do that.
He phone is new and I did not configure it completely or at least I did not figure it out completely because the navigator where is buggy. Your car navigator screen no longer works and I did not have time to go into Toyota to see how much it would cost to get it fixed. So I had to set my hold the phone because I did not have time to get a car phone holder. There are many things I did not have time to get these were too. For some reason this new iPhone ate plus seems to turn off sound when I drive. I did not realize that until after I missed an exit and wondered why the navigator did not tell me that it was my exit. This happened several times during the drive causing me a couple of extra hours of driving.
That was the worst of it., However, I got a call during the ride but I did not know it because the phone did not ring because it turned itself silent. It was the doctor. So I called the doctor back and had to leave a message. These are tests I’ve been waiting for. The doctor called me back and the results were as I expected. CDF again. That sucks again. I told the doctor give me the antibiotic this would happen but no doctors listen. I even told the Doctor Who I called today and the office did not remember my telling them so they thought this was a relapse and much more serious and we’re preparing for much more serious medical procedures. I will have to straighten that out with this doctor when I get back. And he supposed to be one of the best in the area. Factors no matter how good they are erase back back back back back back back backspace backspace I have this dictation thing really screwed up. Skip line. Skip.
Where was I. Doctors no matter how good they are by reputation really don’t care I really don’t pay attention to why the patient says. That is why a patient has to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and write it down and hand it to them and ask them to put it in the chart and then point out that there is more in the chart they should refer to when they speak to the patient. Disillusioning this heartening and downright map of this heartening this heartening where is Mac off come in jack off for I did not say half of the last 20 words.
I guess the question will be do I edit these spoken word blogs or do I just cut and paste them and put them in the blog as they are hard to understand confusing and genuinely a accurate representation of technology at this point in time.
The worst one is not that the doctor wanted to do surgery. The worst was the highway patrol officer I passed as I was not happy with the doctor and explaining this should have been expected if they were listening to me when I called before and I don’t need surgery. The highway patrol officer did not want to hear that I had an emergency order that I was semiofficial. He gave me two tickets one for speeding and the other for being on the phone. $427 later I paid the ticket and an hour and a half later I went back on the road later than ever. Pissed off upset depressed angry at myself most of all and trying to let it go and not realize or remember to focus on the fact that I will have some points on my license and something that shouldn’t be on a safety officers record. Get over it it’s done.
Another hour went by and I realized I was starving. I have been on the road at nine hours and Maddie and how does not become Maddie. Technology. Anyway, I was on the road nine hours had not eaten and it was suddenly pouring rain. I debated about where to stop pulled off the road in a smallish town that had a mall and surveyed the food venues. If I had a couple of hours to spare I would’ve in the Indian restaurant even though it was pouring and I would be wet when I got inside. Since I did not have the time, I ate at Arby’s takeout window. They did not have the first thing I ordered off the menu. They did not have the sauce for the second thing I ordered off the menu. They did not have a drink I wanted. I was so fed up by then I said no drink just give me what you’ve got and hide it in my car. I did not hide it in my car I ate it in my car. Skip a line

So the rain where did you see sir. Skip line
So the rain did not let up and where traffic what is even worse. Did I mention I got to Atlanta at rush-hour because of the tickets and getting the money to pay the tickets which was a merry-go-round in itself I did not explain. We don’t except credit cards. Go to the post office and get a money order. We don’t except credit cards. Go to the bank and get money. We don’t have an ATM here. Go a block down and there is a building that has an ATM. The ATM had no sign and was like one of the first ATMs ever created incident. How much more frustrating Canaday get? I found the ATM figured out how it worked Space and got the cash. I skip the post office a money order and went straight back to the court and said here take cash them to you? And they said yes so I gave them $427 and they gave me a receipt. I got back in the car and all this time as Jackson will tell you if asked, I really really really needed to P. I found hey girl station and relieve myself I’m probably should’ve gotten gas but I was so distracted that I just got back on the very crowded. The GPS said it would be an extra two hours due to three accidents in the Atlanta area on my way out that it cheerfully pointed out rent should be wrapped not wrapped wrapped not wrapped route route her this thing is driving me crazy not her where did her come from. Skip line start again
Anyway somebody cheerfully pointed out that I was still on the fastest path to my destination. Technology. So I roll eyes close curtain.
Several hours later in the dark in the rain half awake numb and cramping I finally arrived at the hotel. I had change the reservation I made earlier this week to a cheaper room for only two nights because no one was needing a room so I wasn’t going to share it so I got a king size bed. They did not get the change and I first wanted to charge me for three nights and I said well then let’s just call it a day and I’ll go somewhere else. And they said well there’s a cancellation fee and I said well yes that’s probably a lot less than three nights. So The guy at the desk changed the reservation to two nights.
I had changed to two nights and canceled all my flights because I had to be back at the office at 1 o’clock on Monday and there was no morning flight on Monday other than a 5:30 AM flight that was going to be $450 more then all the other things I was already paying for. So I decided to drive up. That’s how this whole mess started. Anyway
It is late I am tired and I must be up very early tomorrow and I was awake and on cramped and I’m achy and good as I Canby to enjoy them by now can be now.
All the above and I must be awake early so I can enjoy the softball tournament that I came here to enjoy. I won’t have the relaxation time all day on Friday and I wanted because Friday is no longer available it is already Saturday. I hope to have some relaxation time tomorrow between games. But that is not guaranteed. I might have an early day Sunday but I’ll be checking out Sunday morning and I don’t feel like spending an extra hundred dollars to relax for a few hours here especially since I have another 10 Hour Dr. back after the tournament. That’s drive back doctor. I said that’s a drive, knocked back door. Matt black drawer. How am I getting all of these things out I’m not Dr. Doctor. All that is not what I said.
I am tired and then to fall sleep now good night.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah (I Wish)

No, really?

I feel like itching about life, the world, and the people in it. No, really? Before this gets too repetitive, let's see why. Another day comes to a close with more disappointment and failure, enough to send waves of depression and fuck the world I want to get off and please will someone beam me up already? Yeah, the last one keeps hope alive. I really don't want to die. I want to be around when the human race finally goes extinct. I won't say I told you so, promise.

So reeling in the hours, backwards, the team in second place lost, giving us a guaranteed championship. The team we were supposed to play forfeited and we talked six of them into staying and they picked up four upper division players who played shortstop, third, and left, so we were destroyed even though we didn't keep score. Our guys quit, as usual, leaving me out there to pitch batting practice to the other team, four of whom could have hurt me bad. Our coach thinks the field manager might move us up to the upper field because we have a 7-1 record. Thing is, we won most of our games by less than 2 runs and they could have gone either way. We will get slaughtered if we move up, and this game proved it. I've played Monday nights with the same team (and different line-ups) for seven or eight years, at least, and I will be seriously bummed if they move up because I probably won't move u. I'd be too much of a liability to the team and to me now. I played that level until about three years ago and moved down because I have slowed down enough to not want to play upper divisions.

Blah Blah Blah.

Meanwhile, on the way to the fields I called the second Apple store that the first Apple store said had the phone I wanted in stock and confirmed they had it (and that they couldn't guarantee it would be there tomorrow night or Wednesday, when I am most likely to go) and in discussing what I needed to bring for the purchase the said my credit card for their payment plan needed to have a physical address and I told them my billing address is a PO Box and has been for decades and they said they would not accept it so the only alternative is for me to pay for the phone outright in full, like I need a $1000+ bill right now. If I do it I'll probably be stuck in this suicidal living situation for another few months, or year, if I survive. I told them my credit rating is about 800 and the rule makes no sense, but the nice girl said there is nothing she can do, rules are rules.

Rules that seriously make no sense, suck.

Meanwhile, before that I finally decided (more sure that the last time I finally decided) what to do about a phone. No more ATT. I will buy an unlocked iPhone 8 plus direct from Apple so I could say goodbye to ATT as soon as Precious was done paying off her ATT phone plan (and she was ready for an upgrade). ATT is the most expensive plan and offers the least for the money. Verizon has a network as good if not better (ATT is rated second in network) and offers unlimited data, 22 GB of hot spot data, a lower price than Apple on the iPhone, and more all on three lines for the same price ATT offers 5GB data, no hot spot, and a higher price for the iPhone. No brainer. As soo as we are all out of the locked cell phone trap.

Big businesses screw us every day... and we usually thank them.

So I went to the almost local Apple store (it's near the fields where I used to live) for the third time since the phone died (or maybe the fourth) and told them the phone I want, a red iPhone 8 plus unlocked, and took out my credit card and told me they did not have it in stock. They had it in stock some twenty miles away, or more, but softball was finally not rained out so I headed to the fields hopeful for a game, finally, after weeks of rain (and you know what happened then). Unfortunately, they would not let me pay for the phone and pick it up at the other store Wednesday and they would have get it at the closer store until Friday and I will be in Nashville Friday and they do not put a hold on a phone even if I offer to pay for it right now.

Sucks to be poor.

Before that I worked, getting little accomplished today. The boss doesn't care, I get what I need to get done and he's easy to please, partly because he is a serious micro-manager and I accept it subserviently and loves to criticize and I just nod my head and either apologize or say thank you, depending on his mood. I texted before work letting him know I had another Dr's appointment this morning (did the same thing Friday) and he texted back "no problem."

Hope it's real.

I hope he is not afraid to tell me I'm not satisfying my job requirements until the day he suddenly fires me. Has my life-long expectation of rejection and abandonment become a fatal self-fulfilling prophecy? This job is actually I waste many of my skills, but love the less stress. If only the job paid more, it would be close to perfect. Just pretend I wrote a thousand words about how I've given up on a comfortable life and chosen to live like a refugee, eating out of cans (haven't had to start the dog/cat food yet.. see?... just look at the positivity), and joining the parade of suicidal lifestyles most people choose.

Where were we?

Oh yeah, (yeah?) yeah, (yeah?) yeah, reeling in the hours. So after the doctor's appointment I finally decided on a phone and went to Best Buy and handed them my credit card and information and they could not connect to my ATT account, again. I had all my information right, verified it with ATT right there by phone, and they couldn't access my account. ATT said it's Best Buy's problem. I told ATT it was their problem because their solution was to pay $50 more at an ATT store and I told them they leave me no alternate but to leave ATT. That lead to my later final decision to set myself up to move away from ATT next winter that I wrote about earlier.

Whatever happened to customer service?

Then they told me they didn't have the phone I wanted in stock, but they had it at a store almost 20 miles away. Chain businesses have apparently stopped working with each other and again, they would not let me put a deposit on it or pay for it or bring it to the location more convenient for me. Did I mention the same thing happened the day before at the Best Buy closest to me and I spent an hour on the hone with ATT after I left straightening out information in my account that was ten or more years old?

As long as they get your money, they really don't care what kind of service they provide.

Before that I went to the doctor. She reassured me that my leg was probably ok and it was probably a nerve thing caused by the softball strike in February and it could last a year or two. My concern that it might be some sort of infection that lead to the serious renal infection that spread through the body did not seem to strike her fancy, even though the urine test she did showed high leukocytes. She does seem to care and knows a lot, so I will accept her opinion even if I have y doubts. I'll still ask the same question if I get to see the GI guy after I turn in my poop test and get back from Nashville next week. I asked the Nephrologist last week and he told me to follow up with my primary. Great specialist, but he wants to remain a specialist and I understand why.

Paging Dr. House.

Before that I woke up, slightly groggy and frustrated about the phone challenges, but hopeful that the new primary would figure out why I am getting more infections and maybe even dig deeper into my life like a holistic health care provider and help me survive another few decades, or at least years.

Before that I was sleeping, restlessly, getting up to urinate too many times.

Before that was yesterday.*

Narf :)








*P.S.... it was actually yesterday, it's already after midnight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I wish.

Narf 2 :)