What? I'm not sure I know how to do that lol. Especially since I don't see my complaining as complaining, I see it as ventherapy, venting therapy. Seriously, you know I've explained it many times i many ways (too many?... ahhh, perspective), how writing has always been the way I sort through thoughts and feelings and figure things out and find peace and happiness and euphoria, even. Not so much prosperity, but hey, two out of three, you know the song.
Writing is also my best friend. The words listen to me when no one else does. It allows me to embrace the illusion that I might actually have a life of meaningful abundance and emotional sharing. Nobody comes near me on the inside, so I have these voices in words. Some people have voices in their head, mine come out in my written gardens. You see, fundamentally, I am a figment of my imagination and have been for a very long time.
From the beginning, it's all about love, but my mind comes up with stuff out of the blue, but most of what I wrote are like songs you never heard.
I used to babble myself into silly bliss, a kind of brilliant madness, but I don't give myself the time to do that anymore and nobody seems to care anymore. Used to be I had dozens who read me and they love the babbling, even when it was bullsugar, or so they said. The kids ignore me. From myspace to facebook, its all the same, but different. I have no clue what to say sometimes, This blogging life, it's all over the map.
Nobody appreciates my mind these days.
The kids are back. Wonder if this is the start of another long weekend. I guess I've got to get used to living with kids since they seem to be here more than half the time. Awkward bathroom trips, early to bed nights, so much for having a game night, but then, I am ok with that. I'd just like to feel like I wasn't disturbing kids when I make my midnight snacks or take my late night showers or watch TV or listen to music. I'm a night being, after all.
Actually, the last few days I've had this living room on this side of my house to myself. I wonder if TA reads this. I hope he's not offended if he does, ummm, I mean, if you are reading, no offense, I just need to pour all my thoughts and feelings out in order to sleep at night. You may have noticed that it doesn't always work. That's why I fall asleep in the recliner from time to time. It's sometimes some of the best sleep I get. The mind I live in doesn't turn off. It just keeps rambling on and sometimes wakes me up and I used to write in my sleepy wakefulness (see Hook, again), but now I eat more than I write. I really should write more, it's much healthier.
It's all there, if you care (and love words). Even when it's not my my mind.
I haven't written to anyone in a long time, sort of. I write letters to friends that are not read, but some end up in blogs. I've got more than a hundred of them, in case you didn't know. So anyway, if you are reading, thanks you for understanding and sharing space. If you are not reading and this change of spacial sharing is just coincidence, well, never mind.
LOL, Gilda Radner is a fav. So is self mockery, in case nobody noticed.
trying to be human and meaning no harm. I just want some space I can call mine and I'd rather share a bigger space than pay more for a smaller space. Ideally, I'd like the two master bedroom floor plan and this small bedroom far off bathroom deal is challenging. Having the living room gives me the sense of having a home. As much as I don't want to move again and I don't want to spend more than I am spending, part of me would like to move into a space with two master bedrooms if we can find one.
Life is better than 95% f the people in the world. Maybe 98%.
Even if nobody shares.
Narf :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Saturday, February 23, 2019
After Noon
Waking after noon, though sleep was broken early as TA and his daughter as usual around sunrise. She was skipping rope and he was watching TV ten feet from my bed, which is something I don't understand. This place is 2000 square feet. His bedroom is on the other side of the house, about 50 feet from mine. There is a TV in the other living room that is right outside of his bedroom, there is a TV in his bedroom, but almost every day, around sunrise, I can consistently find him (and hear him) watching TV in the living room right outside of my bedroom 40-50 feet from his bedroom and living room. His bedroom is literally twice the size of mine. His living room larger and brighter than this one that he said would be mine and it's an open space with the big kitchen area and two big sliding doors that lead to a big backyard. Yet he wakes me most mornings, including weekends when his kids are here, by watching TV in the room right outside of my bedroom door, the room that shares a wall with my bedroom.
So I went back to bed and slept until after noon, waking a couple of times to the sound of his TV and kid. About 8AM I had to find appropriate clothes to walk by his 8 year old daughter to go to the bathroom and that just about woke me for the day because I had to pee so bad. Now, after noon, I wake to four TVs on, including mine and his in the living room outside my bedroom and nobody is sitting in there. I hear the TV in the other living room and the one in his bedroom.
Maybe my facial expression as I was trying to hold in my pee and rush past the two of them this morning to my bathroom pointed out the proximity and illogic of them watching TV and playing jump rope right outside my bedroom door so early. Who knows why we are not sharing the house the way he said we would when we negotiated rent. He gets three bedrooms, two living rooms, almost all of the kitchen, and a big master bathroom. I get the smallest bedroom, two kitchen cabinets (out of seven or eight), one shelf in the pantry (out of six), half the garage, and a tiny bathroom 20 feet from my bedroom 2 feet from his kids rooms. About 15% of the space to myself (if that much). I pay just over 38% of the rent. He wanted me to pay 42% of the rent. I negotiated down to just over 38%, but I was supposed to get the living room outside my door.
He's been very slow about clearing out space for me, I had to clear the half of garage so I could move in, the bedroom was not cleared out until after I moved in, the living room didn't have room for my recliner when I bought it weeks after I moved in, the kitchen took more than a month for him to clear out a cabinet for me, and his living room chair and TV remains in the living room right outside my door, the one he said would be mine, which kept me from pushing for a lower rent.
Now, just waking after noon, turning off the TVs and typing myself out of morning stupor, he walks in the door and sits down in the chair five feet from where I am sitting and wants to talk. I try to continue typing and his kids come into the room to play. He tells her it's an outside jump rope and she should stop because she could knock stuff over, my stuff, but she continues. He turns on the TV again.
And then there is the fact that the kids are here every week Thursday through Sunday, so coming in last night I tip-toed without the weekend celebration and energy release I would have enjoyed. I found a way to stay out well past midnight so I would have some adult social life and social energy and I watched a little TV when I got back here, but as low a volume as possible for me to still hear some of the words. I miss a lot of the words, so watching TV at night is not for enjoying shows, but more for distraction.
When he walked in she questioned where he was and what he was doing. He explained he went out for food for dinner and she inspected, asking to eat the baked ziti he bought right now (It was to be the side dish for the salmon, but she said she didn't want salmon). As the baked ziti was cooking, she went into the pantry and got snacks. He asked if she was going to eat the baked ziti and she looked at him and he hurriedly told her she could have more of the snacks. Guess they'll have re-heated baked ziti as a side dish with their salmon.
He is always asking me if I want to eat dinner together, but he usually eats his food luke warm or cool and I like my food hot. He'll cook food and let it sit for anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, whether barbecued or from the oven. Yuck, for my tastes. He also is a meat and potatoes eater, like most Americans. He likes dry rub on ribs, I don't. He likes chicken breasts dry cooked, I like dark meat still juicy. Salmon is his fish of choice, but baked it is usual dry. I prefer flounder, shrimp, and other shellfish. I hate dry meat of any kind, so I usually cook in sauces or casseroles and smoke, rather than char on the grill. I don't like blackened foods.
Most importantly, my digestive issues will be much worse if I eat dry meats. I explained that, but he keeps asking and I don't think he understands how I like foods and what my digestive needs are.
I think he genuinely means well I think and just wants to be social and share and seems to be one of the kindest and easy-going (big teddy bear push-over personality), but I've got healthy, dietary, weight, and age needs, not to mention taste preferences to consider and I will not hurt myself by eating his diet. He doesn't eat unhealthy most of the time, just the typical American meat and starch, on the healthy side.
Meanwhile, she is the most whining, complaining, entitled, nagging child I've encountered in a long time. She runs his life and the space while she's here. Eats what she wants when she wants, does what she wants when and where she wants, and will not let him have a conversation without dancing (or jumping rope) between us, asking questions while we are talking, or simply jumping on him and clinging to him while peering back at me as we are talking. Constantly begging for attention in positive and negative ways, it is a sad effect of anxiety, divorce, and poor boundaries (she still sleeps in his bed every night when she's here. for one example).
Meanwhile, he is desperate for social interaction, high anxiety, and still some depressive signs. Still dealing with his wife leaving him for another man, alone and sad and very anxious, it's hard for him to sit still in silence and just relax. Sitting here typing the tension in the room grows and he gets up to pace and do other things, he just does not seem to be able to relax. I'm going to try to figure out how to help him as much as I can, but I need to work through my puzzlement and frustration over their morning proximity to my bed too. This could become a seriously co-dependent relationship if allow it and I do not maintain boundaries.
I am processing the puzzlement (which is high), frustration (which is mostly from the puzzlement and low), and the boundaries by writing here this afternoon instead of simply waking and jumping into his watch TV conversation kids dominated world. It's all around me and will be there as soon as I am through typing and I'll interact, but developing this me-time and resolving stuff in my head is essential to my health and the positive growth of the household relationships.
The bake ziti is done. He told her it was on the table a couple of times. He is cleaning up the stuff that was all over his living room floor that he asked her to pick up several times today since I've been awake. She appears to be ignoring him, except when he is not asking her to do something and he starts talking to me or just sitting down for a moment. He doesn't seem to understand privacy, sharing space, and most of all social/emotional/or spacial boundaries, or following through on things he says too well.
This space is still much better than the previous space, even if it's more expensive and I am not getting what we negotiated and it is essentially renting a room and bathroom in someone else's house. We shall see if things change when the lease is up in June or so. If I actually sign a lease and take responsibility for part of this house, which is my intention because I do not want to continue renting a room in someone else's space, we will negotiate space paid for by square foot and I have no problem sharing social time in "my space", but my space will be more clearly defined. That is one reason I've dragged my feet about unpacking completely, besides the fact that he is not clearing space for me, I will see what happens at lease renewal time.
He turned his 90's music on in his room, though he left the TV on in here. I found my TV on this morning along with his TV. He never turns off TVs or lights, but he's paying for the electric, so that's his deal. The grunge (90's music) sound fills the house, which is fine because I love music and would put music or TV on in the background when I am alone much of the time, but sometimes silence is golden. Most people never truly learn that. And occasionally I'd like to blast something I choose. It's not my place, I accept that, I have made my bed financially in this life and I sleep very well and soundly most nights in the comfort of my life choices.
Except at sunrise when the TV is on right outside my bedroom door. :)
And skipping rope doesn't help. lol.
Ah, my mind amuses me.
I really must get a dust mop. They keep sweeping with a straw broom and all that does is kick up dust that resettles elsewhere. That's why they are never used in health care settings. Working health care settings for most of my career has increased my awareness of cleaning and hygiene and that seems odd to most people, which is a sad sign of the lack of healthy education in education system. I mean, do kids learn basic finances, taxes, civics, hygiene, and their life-skills in meaningful ways in school today? I didn't. I doubt it's gotten much better. It also just started kicking up my dry cough again.
I am and will continue doing my best to be here to talk and socialize and be a friends and help as much as I can because that is what I enjoy doing, helping people. My typing for the past hour or so since he got back is part of the lesson we both need to learn, respect space, privacy, and time. My mind is occupied, so let it be until I am open t conversation again. He seems to be getting that message as he got up after trying to initiate a conversation and has been doing things since then. Step one, boundaries. Learning to sit down and relax in shared space will come eventually, I hope. He is a nice guy. A genuine, caring, honestly nice guy. I sense we will be friends, once we understand each other better.
So good morning, afternoon, and day.
How are you? :)
Narf :)
So I went back to bed and slept until after noon, waking a couple of times to the sound of his TV and kid. About 8AM I had to find appropriate clothes to walk by his 8 year old daughter to go to the bathroom and that just about woke me for the day because I had to pee so bad. Now, after noon, I wake to four TVs on, including mine and his in the living room outside my bedroom and nobody is sitting in there. I hear the TV in the other living room and the one in his bedroom.
Maybe my facial expression as I was trying to hold in my pee and rush past the two of them this morning to my bathroom pointed out the proximity and illogic of them watching TV and playing jump rope right outside my bedroom door so early. Who knows why we are not sharing the house the way he said we would when we negotiated rent. He gets three bedrooms, two living rooms, almost all of the kitchen, and a big master bathroom. I get the smallest bedroom, two kitchen cabinets (out of seven or eight), one shelf in the pantry (out of six), half the garage, and a tiny bathroom 20 feet from my bedroom 2 feet from his kids rooms. About 15% of the space to myself (if that much). I pay just over 38% of the rent. He wanted me to pay 42% of the rent. I negotiated down to just over 38%, but I was supposed to get the living room outside my door.
He's been very slow about clearing out space for me, I had to clear the half of garage so I could move in, the bedroom was not cleared out until after I moved in, the living room didn't have room for my recliner when I bought it weeks after I moved in, the kitchen took more than a month for him to clear out a cabinet for me, and his living room chair and TV remains in the living room right outside my door, the one he said would be mine, which kept me from pushing for a lower rent.
Now, just waking after noon, turning off the TVs and typing myself out of morning stupor, he walks in the door and sits down in the chair five feet from where I am sitting and wants to talk. I try to continue typing and his kids come into the room to play. He tells her it's an outside jump rope and she should stop because she could knock stuff over, my stuff, but she continues. He turns on the TV again.
And then there is the fact that the kids are here every week Thursday through Sunday, so coming in last night I tip-toed without the weekend celebration and energy release I would have enjoyed. I found a way to stay out well past midnight so I would have some adult social life and social energy and I watched a little TV when I got back here, but as low a volume as possible for me to still hear some of the words. I miss a lot of the words, so watching TV at night is not for enjoying shows, but more for distraction.
When he walked in she questioned where he was and what he was doing. He explained he went out for food for dinner and she inspected, asking to eat the baked ziti he bought right now (It was to be the side dish for the salmon, but she said she didn't want salmon). As the baked ziti was cooking, she went into the pantry and got snacks. He asked if she was going to eat the baked ziti and she looked at him and he hurriedly told her she could have more of the snacks. Guess they'll have re-heated baked ziti as a side dish with their salmon.
He is always asking me if I want to eat dinner together, but he usually eats his food luke warm or cool and I like my food hot. He'll cook food and let it sit for anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, whether barbecued or from the oven. Yuck, for my tastes. He also is a meat and potatoes eater, like most Americans. He likes dry rub on ribs, I don't. He likes chicken breasts dry cooked, I like dark meat still juicy. Salmon is his fish of choice, but baked it is usual dry. I prefer flounder, shrimp, and other shellfish. I hate dry meat of any kind, so I usually cook in sauces or casseroles and smoke, rather than char on the grill. I don't like blackened foods.
Most importantly, my digestive issues will be much worse if I eat dry meats. I explained that, but he keeps asking and I don't think he understands how I like foods and what my digestive needs are.
I think he genuinely means well I think and just wants to be social and share and seems to be one of the kindest and easy-going (big teddy bear push-over personality), but I've got healthy, dietary, weight, and age needs, not to mention taste preferences to consider and I will not hurt myself by eating his diet. He doesn't eat unhealthy most of the time, just the typical American meat and starch, on the healthy side.
Meanwhile, she is the most whining, complaining, entitled, nagging child I've encountered in a long time. She runs his life and the space while she's here. Eats what she wants when she wants, does what she wants when and where she wants, and will not let him have a conversation without dancing (or jumping rope) between us, asking questions while we are talking, or simply jumping on him and clinging to him while peering back at me as we are talking. Constantly begging for attention in positive and negative ways, it is a sad effect of anxiety, divorce, and poor boundaries (she still sleeps in his bed every night when she's here. for one example).
Meanwhile, he is desperate for social interaction, high anxiety, and still some depressive signs. Still dealing with his wife leaving him for another man, alone and sad and very anxious, it's hard for him to sit still in silence and just relax. Sitting here typing the tension in the room grows and he gets up to pace and do other things, he just does not seem to be able to relax. I'm going to try to figure out how to help him as much as I can, but I need to work through my puzzlement and frustration over their morning proximity to my bed too. This could become a seriously co-dependent relationship if allow it and I do not maintain boundaries.
I am processing the puzzlement (which is high), frustration (which is mostly from the puzzlement and low), and the boundaries by writing here this afternoon instead of simply waking and jumping into his watch TV conversation kids dominated world. It's all around me and will be there as soon as I am through typing and I'll interact, but developing this me-time and resolving stuff in my head is essential to my health and the positive growth of the household relationships.
The bake ziti is done. He told her it was on the table a couple of times. He is cleaning up the stuff that was all over his living room floor that he asked her to pick up several times today since I've been awake. She appears to be ignoring him, except when he is not asking her to do something and he starts talking to me or just sitting down for a moment. He doesn't seem to understand privacy, sharing space, and most of all social/emotional/or spacial boundaries, or following through on things he says too well.
This space is still much better than the previous space, even if it's more expensive and I am not getting what we negotiated and it is essentially renting a room and bathroom in someone else's house. We shall see if things change when the lease is up in June or so. If I actually sign a lease and take responsibility for part of this house, which is my intention because I do not want to continue renting a room in someone else's space, we will negotiate space paid for by square foot and I have no problem sharing social time in "my space", but my space will be more clearly defined. That is one reason I've dragged my feet about unpacking completely, besides the fact that he is not clearing space for me, I will see what happens at lease renewal time.
He turned his 90's music on in his room, though he left the TV on in here. I found my TV on this morning along with his TV. He never turns off TVs or lights, but he's paying for the electric, so that's his deal. The grunge (90's music) sound fills the house, which is fine because I love music and would put music or TV on in the background when I am alone much of the time, but sometimes silence is golden. Most people never truly learn that. And occasionally I'd like to blast something I choose. It's not my place, I accept that, I have made my bed financially in this life and I sleep very well and soundly most nights in the comfort of my life choices.
Except at sunrise when the TV is on right outside my bedroom door. :)
And skipping rope doesn't help. lol.
Ah, my mind amuses me.
I really must get a dust mop. They keep sweeping with a straw broom and all that does is kick up dust that resettles elsewhere. That's why they are never used in health care settings. Working health care settings for most of my career has increased my awareness of cleaning and hygiene and that seems odd to most people, which is a sad sign of the lack of healthy education in education system. I mean, do kids learn basic finances, taxes, civics, hygiene, and their life-skills in meaningful ways in school today? I didn't. I doubt it's gotten much better. It also just started kicking up my dry cough again.
I am and will continue doing my best to be here to talk and socialize and be a friends and help as much as I can because that is what I enjoy doing, helping people. My typing for the past hour or so since he got back is part of the lesson we both need to learn, respect space, privacy, and time. My mind is occupied, so let it be until I am open t conversation again. He seems to be getting that message as he got up after trying to initiate a conversation and has been doing things since then. Step one, boundaries. Learning to sit down and relax in shared space will come eventually, I hope. He is a nice guy. A genuine, caring, honestly nice guy. I sense we will be friends, once we understand each other better.
So good morning, afternoon, and day.
How are you? :)
Narf :)
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Full Scale Pig-Out
I's as if I am deliberately challenging the body. The asshole issues are flaring up bigger than they have in months. The hemorrhoids on the right side are bigger and harder than ever and have moved to external, which is a whole new discomfort I am learning to live with. I've been sitting way too much at work and at home too and have drifted away from really keeping in touch with myself in these writings as anyone who keeps track would have noticed, but then, does anyone really? Let's not start the pity party too much, m'ok?
The food blog and the brief daily blog has a lot more detail than I'll repeat here, probably, mostly because I do not want to sit much longer today even though I really have so many words piled up inside and so much more not put into words just yet. That may be while exercise has been minimal and calories have been so high for the past month or two. Dare I get on the scale that is in the bedroom?
So I have lots to take care of in me, but all the stuff around me is distracting me because there is so much to take care of around me. At home, there's still lots of unpacking to do. Limited space has slowed that process to a crawl. I thought we'd be sharing the house, but TA hasn't moved out of the second living room, so I haven't set up my TV or really moved into that room, which has stalled the moving in. The tiny bedroom and even tinier bathroom have stalled the unpacking there. Any way I look at it, it's going to be cluttered. TA has the much bigger bedroom, bathroom, and closet (I haven't been in it, but the bedroom looks about 20x20 or bigger) and his living room is bigger as well, but he spends all of his time in hid bedroom or "my" living room watching his TV. He has another TV in his living room and in his bedroom, so I'm not sure why he hasn't followed through on sharing the way he said he would. Maybe he wants the socializing, maybe he doesn't want to give up the space the way he said he would. In any case, I've got to make the decision to move in or move out.
A couple of days ago he asked for a copy of my driver's license to do a background check. Kind of late in the game and has me wondering if I should continue unpacking. The lease is up in June, so he could decide to not renew and I might be looking for another place suddenly, which would mean packing up everything, storage, and settling on whatever I could find quickly. I really don't want to think that could happen, but since TA has not followed through on his initial sharing plan and now wants to check me out formally after more than two months, I don't know what to expect.
Still, unpack, sort, de-clutter as much as possible, and live in the moment.
Watching the Patriots come back against Atlanta in te super bowl is a great distraction. All the food is a great distraction as well. In fact, I am going for more chocolate milk. And maybe something else.
A little chocolate milk, a little hot and sour seafood soup (leftovers brought over so they wouldn't spoil, but not having a microwave means using pot and pans and cleaning more and not having lights makes cooking and cleaning much more challenging, but I shall adjust and hopefully will figure out how to get the lights back on eventually), and some cheddar and sour cream chips.
And the greatest QB of all time playing for the greatest coach of all time wins another amazing record-breaking super bowl again. Lobsterfest is calling. Distractions are abundant. Hunger remains.
The animals have chilled a bit, napping, mostly. The outdoor cats are outside somewhere. I am getting nodding.
So let's do an afternoon Nite Nite, m'ok?
Narf :)
The food blog and the brief daily blog has a lot more detail than I'll repeat here, probably, mostly because I do not want to sit much longer today even though I really have so many words piled up inside and so much more not put into words just yet. That may be while exercise has been minimal and calories have been so high for the past month or two. Dare I get on the scale that is in the bedroom?
So I have lots to take care of in me, but all the stuff around me is distracting me because there is so much to take care of around me. At home, there's still lots of unpacking to do. Limited space has slowed that process to a crawl. I thought we'd be sharing the house, but TA hasn't moved out of the second living room, so I haven't set up my TV or really moved into that room, which has stalled the moving in. The tiny bedroom and even tinier bathroom have stalled the unpacking there. Any way I look at it, it's going to be cluttered. TA has the much bigger bedroom, bathroom, and closet (I haven't been in it, but the bedroom looks about 20x20 or bigger) and his living room is bigger as well, but he spends all of his time in hid bedroom or "my" living room watching his TV. He has another TV in his living room and in his bedroom, so I'm not sure why he hasn't followed through on sharing the way he said he would. Maybe he wants the socializing, maybe he doesn't want to give up the space the way he said he would. In any case, I've got to make the decision to move in or move out.
A couple of days ago he asked for a copy of my driver's license to do a background check. Kind of late in the game and has me wondering if I should continue unpacking. The lease is up in June, so he could decide to not renew and I might be looking for another place suddenly, which would mean packing up everything, storage, and settling on whatever I could find quickly. I really don't want to think that could happen, but since TA has not followed through on his initial sharing plan and now wants to check me out formally after more than two months, I don't know what to expect.
Still, unpack, sort, de-clutter as much as possible, and live in the moment.
Watching the Patriots come back against Atlanta in te super bowl is a great distraction. All the food is a great distraction as well. In fact, I am going for more chocolate milk. And maybe something else.
A little chocolate milk, a little hot and sour seafood soup (leftovers brought over so they wouldn't spoil, but not having a microwave means using pot and pans and cleaning more and not having lights makes cooking and cleaning much more challenging, but I shall adjust and hopefully will figure out how to get the lights back on eventually), and some cheddar and sour cream chips.
And the greatest QB of all time playing for the greatest coach of all time wins another amazing record-breaking super bowl again. Lobsterfest is calling. Distractions are abundant. Hunger remains.
The animals have chilled a bit, napping, mostly. The outdoor cats are outside somewhere. I am getting nodding.
So let's do an afternoon Nite Nite, m'ok?
Narf :)
Sunday, February 3, 2019
To Know is Not To Do
To do is not to know. Awareness, however, is anther thing entirely. Conciousness? Who me? lol :)
Yeah, well, whatever. To label is not to make it so. :)
Laughter, laughter, and more laughter.
So I said to myself (if you read this week's brief daily blog entries, which may have no real time stature because they have been written in reverse chronological order, which may not have any bearing on their content, but I mention it for it is... if existence matters), rest.
The body is battling a three-headed monster (strep, bronchitis, flu), at least.
And this, 2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz, was not a profound new word to express god, but rather, the cleaning up of a strand of cheese dropped from a cracker, a strand of cheese that was once part of a cheese spread, but having dropped from the cracker, became part of a napkin and this too, 2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz, lol.
There is so much more beyond this entry, but let's let it get going, m'ok?
So anyway, the background TV for tonight, at least for the moment (it's one of the shows I added to the Amazon "watchlist" as I browsed through the other day. I've already started two or three and deleted them from the watchlist after a short watch. I wish the "History Channel" did not lose it's mind and go stark raving conspiracy crazy. Someone should really put our a real History Channel for the intelligent rational minds who want fact and or convenient coincidences and left field suspicious speculation.
The show's blurb goes like this...
and opens with the opening of Auguries of Innocence from Blake
And ok, I can buy into the opening, the link is energy, but I am hearing way too much religious dogma already and the premise is this is fact, not simply reasonable logical theory or merely something really nice to believe. So we are selling the word akasha as whatever anyone else calls the things they worship, bow to, believe in, and/or blame for everything that is. Ridiculous manipulatons in the first ten minutes have my finger reaching for the delete button. Tell me something new.
2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz?
The embedded intelligence of the matrix of time and space.
Lots of clever words, but so repetitious.
Lots of quoted truths, but so repetitious.
My instinct says the endless sales-pitches that ultimately asks for money, control, or belief (which is control, even if it doesn't seem like it because it feels given more than taken), something it does not come right out and say up front is strong in this one.
And I come to the same question.
What's the point?
Everything is connected.
So?
Everybody seems to need something to believe in, some explanation for their existence, some godhead. this one is selling akasha.
It's so much fun, for those who love words as I do, to put power into words, but the fun ends when we start believing the words matter more than we do, and by we, I mean everything, everything, all.
Logos, aye?
So I watch and listen and I wonder, real connections or optical coincidences? Everything is illusion, after all.
Until people accept everything without ego, there is only pointless repetition. Embedded intelligence? If you are not laughing, you are not here. Who believes this is true because it is true, and not because they need to believe it is true, understands.
A question?
a statement?
Both?
What's the word for both? lol.
So this long winded movie appear to want to convince the viewer that all religions are of the same origin.
It is stating the obvious.
What do you do when this is no longer a revelation and you are left with sadness and loneliness for you've found no one for who this is not either a revelation or simply, above their heads?
Repeating the truth becomes boring for one who knows the truth.
What's next?
Maybe he knows.
This is happening in real time!
lol.
It is.
Did I emotion it was a bacon ritz cracker?
Can we go out to play now?
Narf :)
Yeah, well, whatever. To label is not to make it so. :)
Laughter, laughter, and more laughter.
So I said to myself (if you read this week's brief daily blog entries, which may have no real time stature because they have been written in reverse chronological order, which may not have any bearing on their content, but I mention it for it is... if existence matters), rest.
The body is battling a three-headed monster (strep, bronchitis, flu), at least.
And this, 2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz, was not a profound new word to express god, but rather, the cleaning up of a strand of cheese dropped from a cracker, a strand of cheese that was once part of a cheese spread, but having dropped from the cracker, became part of a napkin and this too, 2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz, lol.
There is so much more beyond this entry, but let's let it get going, m'ok?
So anyway, the background TV for tonight, at least for the moment (it's one of the shows I added to the Amazon "watchlist" as I browsed through the other day. I've already started two or three and deleted them from the watchlist after a short watch. I wish the "History Channel" did not lose it's mind and go stark raving conspiracy crazy. Someone should really put our a real History Channel for the intelligent rational minds who want fact and or convenient coincidences and left field suspicious speculation.
The show's blurb goes like this...
There is one vibratory field that connects all things. It has been called Akasha, Logos, the primordial OM, the music of the spheres, the Higgs field, dark energy, and a thousand other names. Many of history's monumental thinkers have come to the threshold of this great mystery. It is the common link between all religions, all sciences, and the link between our inner worlds and our outer worlds.
and opens with the opening of Auguries of Innocence from Blake
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
And ok, I can buy into the opening, the link is energy, but I am hearing way too much religious dogma already and the premise is this is fact, not simply reasonable logical theory or merely something really nice to believe. So we are selling the word akasha as whatever anyone else calls the things they worship, bow to, believe in, and/or blame for everything that is. Ridiculous manipulatons in the first ten minutes have my finger reaching for the delete button. Tell me something new.
2qwaw2qqwqasaqasqz?
The embedded intelligence of the matrix of time and space.
Lots of clever words, but so repetitious.
Lots of quoted truths, but so repetitious.
My instinct says the endless sales-pitches that ultimately asks for money, control, or belief (which is control, even if it doesn't seem like it because it feels given more than taken), something it does not come right out and say up front is strong in this one.
And I come to the same question.
What's the point?
Everything is connected.
So?
Everybody seems to need something to believe in, some explanation for their existence, some godhead. this one is selling akasha.
It's so much fun, for those who love words as I do, to put power into words, but the fun ends when we start believing the words matter more than we do, and by we, I mean everything, everything, all.
Logos, aye?
So I watch and listen and I wonder, real connections or optical coincidences? Everything is illusion, after all.
Until people accept everything without ego, there is only pointless repetition. Embedded intelligence? If you are not laughing, you are not here. Who believes this is true because it is true, and not because they need to believe it is true, understands.
A question?
a statement?
Both?
What's the word for both? lol.
So this long winded movie appear to want to convince the viewer that all religions are of the same origin.
It is stating the obvious.
The true crisis in our world is not social, political or economy. Our crisis is a crisis of consciousness. An inability to directly experience our true nature. An inability to recognize this nature in everyone and in all things.
In the Buddhist tradition, the Bodhisattva is the person with an awakened Buddha nature. A Bodhisattva vows to help to awaken every being in the universe, realizing that there is only one consciousness. To awaken one’s true self one must awaken all beings.
There are innumerable sentient beings in the universe
I vow to help them all to awaken.
My Imperfections are inexhaustible
I vow to overcome them all.
The Dharma is unknowable
I vow to know it.
The way of awakening is unattainable
I vow to attain it.
What do you do when this is no longer a revelation and you are left with sadness and loneliness for you've found no one for who this is not either a revelation or simply, above their heads?
Repeating the truth becomes boring for one who knows the truth.
What's next?
Maybe he knows.
This is happening in real time!
lol.
It is.
Did I emotion it was a bacon ritz cracker?
Can we go out to play now?
Narf :)
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