After Noon

Waking after noon, though sleep was broken early as TA and his daughter as usual around sunrise. She was skipping rope and he was watching TV ten feet from my bed, which is something I don't understand. This place is 2000 square feet. His bedroom is on the other side of the house, about 50 feet from mine. There is a TV in the other living room that is right outside of his bedroom, there is a TV in his bedroom, but almost every day, around sunrise, I can consistently find him (and hear him) watching TV in the living room right outside of my bedroom 40-50 feet from his bedroom and living room. His bedroom is literally twice the size of mine. His living room larger and brighter than this one that he said would be mine and it's an open space with the big kitchen area and two big sliding doors that lead to a big backyard. Yet he wakes me most mornings, including weekends when his kids are here, by watching TV in the room right outside of my bedroom door, the room that shares a wall with my bedroom.

So I went back to bed and slept until after noon, waking a couple of times to the sound of his TV and kid. About 8AM I had to find appropriate clothes to walk by his 8 year old daughter to go to the bathroom and that just about woke me for the day because I had to pee so bad. Now, after noon, I wake to four TVs on, including mine and his in the living room outside my bedroom and nobody is sitting in there. I hear the TV in the other living room and the one in his bedroom.

Maybe my facial expression as I was trying to hold in my pee and rush past the two of them this morning to my bathroom pointed out the proximity and illogic of them watching TV and playing jump rope right outside my bedroom door so early. Who knows why we are not sharing the house the way he said we would when we negotiated rent. He gets three bedrooms, two living rooms, almost all of the kitchen, and a big master bathroom. I get the smallest bedroom, two kitchen cabinets (out of seven or eight), one shelf in the pantry (out of six), half the garage, and a tiny bathroom 20 feet from my bedroom 2 feet from his kids rooms. About 15% of the space to myself (if that much). I pay just over 38% of the rent. He wanted me to pay 42% of the rent. I negotiated down to just over 38%, but I was supposed to get the living room outside my door.

He's been very slow about clearing out space for me, I had to clear the half of garage so I could move in, the bedroom was not cleared out until after I moved in, the living room didn't have room for my recliner when I bought it weeks after I moved in, the kitchen took more than a month for him to clear out a cabinet for me, and his living room chair and TV remains in the living room right outside my door, the one he said would be mine, which kept me from pushing for a lower rent.

Now, just waking after noon, turning off the TVs and typing myself out of morning stupor, he walks in the door and sits down in the chair five feet from where I am sitting and wants to talk. I try to continue typing and his kids come into the room to play. He tells her it's an outside jump rope and she should stop because she could knock stuff over, my stuff, but she continues. He turns on the TV again.

And then there is the fact that the kids are here every week Thursday through Sunday, so coming in last night I tip-toed without the weekend celebration and energy release I would have enjoyed. I found a way to stay out well past midnight so I would have some adult social life and social energy and I watched a little TV when I got back here, but as low a volume as possible for me to still hear some of the words. I miss a lot of the words, so watching TV at night is not for enjoying shows, but more for distraction.

When he walked in she questioned where he was and what he was doing. He explained he went out for food for dinner and she inspected, asking to eat the baked ziti he bought right now (It was to be the side dish for the salmon, but she said she didn't want salmon). As the baked ziti was cooking, she went into the pantry and got snacks. He asked if she was going to eat the baked ziti and she looked at him and he hurriedly told her she could have more of the snacks. Guess they'll have re-heated baked ziti as a side dish with their salmon.

He is always asking me if I want to eat dinner together, but he usually eats his food luke warm or cool and I like my food hot. He'll cook food and let it sit for anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, whether barbecued or from the oven. Yuck, for my tastes. He also is a meat and potatoes eater, like most Americans. He likes dry rub on ribs, I don't. He likes chicken breasts dry cooked, I like dark meat still juicy. Salmon is his fish of choice, but baked it is usual dry. I prefer flounder, shrimp, and other shellfish. I hate dry meat of any kind, so I usually cook in sauces or casseroles and smoke, rather than char on the grill. I don't like blackened foods.

Most importantly, my digestive issues will be much worse if I eat dry meats. I explained that, but he keeps asking and I don't think he understands how I like foods and what my digestive needs are.

I think he genuinely means well I think and just wants to be social and share and seems to be one of the kindest and easy-going (big teddy bear push-over personality), but I've got healthy, dietary, weight, and age needs, not to mention taste preferences to consider and I will not hurt myself by eating his diet. He doesn't eat unhealthy most of the time, just the typical American meat and starch, on the healthy side.

Meanwhile, she is the most whining, complaining, entitled, nagging child I've encountered in a long time. She runs his life and the space while she's here. Eats what she wants when she wants, does what she wants when and where she wants, and will not let him have a conversation without dancing (or jumping rope) between us, asking questions while we are talking, or simply jumping on him and clinging to him while peering back at me as we are talking. Constantly begging for attention in positive and negative ways, it is a sad effect of anxiety, divorce, and poor boundaries (she still sleeps in his bed every night when she's here. for one example).

Meanwhile, he is desperate for social interaction, high anxiety, and still some depressive signs. Still dealing with his wife leaving him for another man, alone and sad and very anxious, it's hard for him to sit still in silence and just relax. Sitting here typing the tension in the room grows and he gets up to pace and do other things, he just does not seem to be able to relax. I'm going to try to figure out how to help him as much as I can, but I need to work through my puzzlement and frustration over their morning proximity to my bed too. This could become a seriously co-dependent relationship if allow it and I do not maintain boundaries.

I am processing the puzzlement (which is high), frustration (which is mostly from the puzzlement and low), and the boundaries by writing here this afternoon instead of simply waking and jumping into his watch TV conversation kids dominated world. It's all around me and will be there as soon as I am through typing and I'll interact, but developing this me-time and resolving stuff in my head is essential to my health and the positive growth of the household relationships.

The bake ziti is done. He told her it was on the table a couple of times. He is cleaning up the stuff that was all over his living room floor that he asked her to pick up several times today since I've been awake. She appears to be ignoring him, except when he is not asking her to do something and he starts talking to me or just sitting down for a moment. He doesn't seem to understand privacy, sharing space, and most of all social/emotional/or spacial boundaries, or following through on things he says too well.

This space is still much better than the previous space, even if it's more expensive and I am not getting what we negotiated and it is essentially renting a room and bathroom in someone else's house. We shall see if things change when the lease is up in June or so. If I actually sign a lease and take responsibility for part of this house, which is my intention because I do not want to continue renting a room in someone else's space, we will negotiate space paid for by square foot and I have no problem sharing social time in "my space", but my space will be more clearly defined. That is one reason I've dragged my feet about unpacking completely, besides the fact that he is not clearing space for me, I will see what happens at lease renewal time.

He turned his 90's music on in his room, though he left the TV on in here. I found my TV on this morning along with his TV. He never turns off TVs or lights, but he's paying for the electric, so that's his deal. The grunge (90's music) sound fills the house, which is fine because I love music and would put music or TV on in the background when I am alone much of the time, but sometimes silence is golden. Most people never truly learn that. And occasionally I'd like to blast something I choose. It's not my place, I accept that, I have made my bed financially in this life and I sleep very well and soundly most nights in the comfort of my life choices.

Except at sunrise when the TV is on right outside my bedroom door. :)

And skipping rope doesn't help. lol.

Ah, my mind amuses me.

I really must get a dust mop. They keep sweeping with a straw broom and all that does is kick up dust that resettles elsewhere. That's why they are never used in health care settings. Working health care settings for most of my career has increased my awareness of cleaning and hygiene and that seems odd to most people, which is a sad sign of the lack of healthy education in education system. I mean, do kids learn basic finances, taxes, civics, hygiene, and their life-skills in meaningful ways in school today? I didn't. I doubt it's gotten much better. It also just started kicking up my dry cough again.

I am and will continue doing my best to be here to talk and socialize and be a friends and help as much as I can because that is what I enjoy doing, helping people. My typing for the past hour or so since he got back is part of the lesson we both need to learn, respect space, privacy, and time. My mind is occupied, so let it be until I am open t conversation again. He seems to be getting that message as he got up after trying to initiate a conversation and has been doing things since then. Step one, boundaries. Learning to sit down and relax in shared space will come eventually, I hope. He is a nice guy. A genuine, caring, honestly nice guy. I sense we will be friends, once we understand each other better.

So good morning, afternoon, and day.

How are you? :)

Narf :)