Why?

Oh well, it was a couple of days of having my own space was nice. Not tonight. Even if I went into my room, the TV is right outside so the show is on in my room, at least audibly. I have to walk past him to get to the bathroom and he sits facing the bathroom door (as opposed to facing the TV, actually 90 degrees in relation to where his TV sits... I don't know why), which is odd and disturbing. No privacy. This entry is not finished, I can smell it. His big room and private bathroom is a kitchen and living room away, but he lives in my side of the house. It's like he's sitting watching TV right outside of my bedroom and bathroom door.

This is not working.

I am being anti-social because he is not going to control my head space. Working Moms, daytime soap opera fair, is on TV. Why do people want to watch others live typical self-centered ordinary mundane lives they think are so important on TV? This fleeting existence is so meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe and people think they are so very important, fighting over every little thing for momentary control. Maybe it's a fantasy, but I am past the moms and kids stage in my life, so it does nothing for me. In fact, it's a bit of a turn off and I am trying not to let it get in my head. I don't think it's working.

Maybe my silent typing will.

Just a distraction without any intellectual value. Whining complaining women hating men seems to be in vogue these days. Where is the creativity in this humanity? Working Moms never seem to be at their jobs, typical for TV people. Pretending to be just like anyone else, but never go to the bathroom, never have any money issues, never reach for anything more than the same daily routine that they continuous complain about. People don't seem to understand the slavery they accept and they are so stupid, they call it freedom. Sure, many have it worse, much much much worse, but it's not freedom.

It's gotten into my head.

I was all set for the kids again since they were here this week. Coming home to the family in what was supposed to be my living room would have me considering going out for the evening and I really must avoid the temptation of food. I must take care of this body though and not eating is part of that and yet, the frustration is definitely making not eating more challenging. I am trying not to focus on the negatives. I just want my own space.

It's not like "whatcha wanna watch?, it's come sit in my living room and do what I do.

I should have taken the one bedroom and spent more. No wonder unpacking hasn't progressed in more than a week. The hemorrhoids are probably not helping my mood and the dirty cat on my chair must stop, but getting home to be reminded this his house and he's going to live in 90% of it is disheartening. Paying at least 25% of the total expenses makes it unfair as well. It's not about the money, it's about respect. I rent a small room and semi-private bathroom and have no privacy, an irritating way to start a weekend.

Alas, the cat was on my chair today.

My towel was covered with fur and dander and that pisses me off because she's a dirty cat. The last thing my asshole needs is more allergens, irritants, and bacteria. So instead of sitting here and getting into my head, I am focused on shutting out more stupid human nonsense on TV and the lack of space I can call mine. I think I'll move my chair back in my room this weekend. I'll need to figure out how to keep the cat off my recliner too. Or buy a recliner cover and a dozen new towels, change the towels every time I want to sit, and wash the towels often. Whether the low water top loading agitator gets the towels clean or not is questionable, but this is the reality. I am obviously in a very crappy mood and I don't know why. Sort of. I mean the root cause. I was so excited to head home a little early. But it's not home.

There's curry sauce spotted on the kitchen counter and floor.

He made curry something two nights ago. As usual, dishes piled in both sinks. When I want to fill my water bottle, I need to move his dirty dishes to one sink. If I had some private space to come home to, I probably wouldn't be so unhappy, buy why choose to watch the TV closest to my bedroom when there are two TVs on the other side of the house? People are herd animals. Why choose to live in the room that shares a wall with mine on the side of the house when there's more space on the other side of the house?

I don't know why.

Maybe he's lonely. But did he have me move in so he can cuddle? Sure seems that way spatially. I don't want to cuddle with him. The space is at least a fifty feet deep, yet he's snuggled up less than 10 feet from my bedroom.

Why?