Wrttten Words

Communicating through written words allows for so much self-reflection, introspective, and creative play. The imagination can roam freely and still feel connected to someone who is on the other end of the words, the reader, even if the reader does not respond, there is a connection. Two who love communicating through written words can inspire explosions of the stuff, written words, reflection, play, anything and everything that can be expressed in language and beyond, the graphic stroke of pen, or even brush, to paper, or canvas, or any medium. From prose to poetry to drawing to painting to graffiti on walls, cave drawings started it all... and here we are, refined to letters, 26 in this language, and lots of symbols (if we only remember the key strokes to make them, aye? :) lol).

Meanwhile, did I do this or that? If I recall, there were comments left, SPAM, mostly, but I finally looked through them and published the ones that were not linked to some sort of sales or suspicious page. Both entries are from the years back, one from 2015 and the other from 2011, apparently selected randomly or through some algorithm by some comment-spam-bot, but hey, they were visited more than 150 times each in the past month according to google, largely from Germany, so maybe they have some value to some. Feel free to let me know.

I used to look at the stats for the previous daily more often because it got lots of views. For a while it was getting a few thousand a month. The U.S. provided most views, with Russian, Ukraine, and Romania jousting for second. China had a lot for a while, but they've all but disappeared in recent years. I wonder if their censorship blocked me. As if my babbling could be some threat to national security or something, aye? I mean, just because I am a perverse purveyor of pompous pandering and illegitimate alliteration doesn't hurt nobody, does it? Maybe it's cuz I'm an alien

Anyway, the 2015 entry, 42, which climbed into 10th place overall in page views (such an arbitrary ranking, given the comment-spam-bots), might have attracted some Dr. Who fans. Anyway, looking at the stats gives the fragile ego some sense of being loved, even if it all just in my imagination. more than 125,000 page views over in the last daily, and still counting. A ridiculously small number, really, for a blog that's been around more than 10 years, and considering thousands come from sites like vampirestat, but we draw what we need from things, in large part, by choosing the perspective that gives us what we need. If we try sometimes, ya know? :)

I'm in a wonderfully calm and happy mood this morning, perhaps actually glad the kids are in the house (in spite of the restrictions, because it gives me the excuse to just sit here and not clean up or do anything. It's a school night and they need their sleep, right? I do need to get more exercise though. I wonder how much noise an elliptical would make. Probably too much and I'd be pissed if I was ready to get on it and didn't exercise because I didn't want to wake them. I do need to cut back on calories again. This body's metabolism is so slow, it can survive on 500 calories a day most days. All that meditating and exercise I did in it's wayward youth, no doubt. Or maybe it was the drugs lol.

I miss you.
dear friend of the written word
do you write anymore?
was it all just for the birds
or for the store?
Maybe you were just practicing with me

We use to correspond almost every day
you'd tell me all about your life
and I'd share mine, in words we'd play
it did not matter that we never met
or that you lived far away
we cared and showed it through the words
we'd write... so secure we'd stay
in touch, dear fried
where are you today?

I miss you.
purveyor of prose and rhyme
do you write anymore?
was it just a way to pass the time
or something more?
Maybe you are just forgetting about me
(maybe you just forgot about me)

In case you ever wondered
I really cared about you
I meant the words I wrote
to be real and true

In case it still matters
I am lonely without you
I wish we could share words again
(I wonder if you do too)
so I'm writing to you

because
I miss you.
wayward long lost friend
do you write anymore?
did you somehow get lost out there
or are you gone?
life moved on
Still, maybe you still sometimes think of me
and would like to know
I miss you

I still care about you
and
I miss you

And I wonder if you do too. Chopped up meter, rhythm, and rhyme, almost intentional, as the communication has broken down, as is the seas upon which the words used to flow are too choppy to allow connections. Maybe you understand. Maybe you remember.

Maybe you'll respond.

Rolling up on 6:00 AM, wondering what to do now. Sleep another hour? The eyes tell me they could use it, still cloudy and heavier than ideal. Shower and go out to work early?

Buzzes off to sleep and returned the next night... Tired wired, the worst kind lol. Too much Halloween candy. Listening to music, a random list of videos I put together years ago. Onlt the first five or so are in order as they represent me on Youtube, or something like that. Unfortunately, over the years, some of the videos were taken down or went private or got blocked. Feel free to listen and let me know what you think, though I have no idea what comes after the first ten or fifteen videos lol. Yes, I still miss the mix tapes lost somewhere in Toronto. Cold cold heart, that girl from Toronto. My life was music and she kept it. Couldn't get the first song, but got the second one in spite of it all.

Another long day at the desk, still working on the major projects and feeding the boss what he needs to look good. I planned on drinking four of five or even six protein shakes today and not eating anything, but shrimp and soup called me for dinner and then, Kit Kats stuffed themselves into my mouth. I was helpless, they were just too strong and overpowered my will and I couldn't even call out for help because, well, they kept stuffing themselves in my mouth.

Yeah, you get the visual.

TA and I sat outside giving out candy until it ran out. Except for the Kit Kats. Hundreds of kids poured by the house and all the neighbors were outside, but there were so many kids, there was no time to walk over and talk to anyone. The neighbors next door have Halloween videos on projected on to their garage door. It was cool, the kids loved it. TA's kids were with their mom, so we don't know how they did tonight. We came in when the candy ran out and as usual, TA is in his bedroom. Texted Jackson and she and Brandi gave out candy too. I'm lonely.

My choice though. I could call people and they'd have me over in a minute, but I am comfortable a home and don't want to go anywhere. The second song, so uch so, that even when I'm lonely, I'm happier at home by myself than I am somewhere else. Still, third song, I'm still dreaming and fourth song, I'm still believing and fifth song, I keep waving lol. Who really gets it? There is hope in hope itself, sixth song. So much me, so much I love Dia, and Meg, and that perspective. Sixth song, blocked, is John Lennon's Love...

Must find another version to put there.

You'll just have to go listen to learn about me if you want to know. I've never met anyone who actually actualizes it all, lives it, breathes it, gives it, and receives it. It scares everyone away when it gets too real. Seventh song (sixth that actually plays until I replace the block sixth... musically ironic, a blocked sixth, if you follow), all I've ever needed. The first dozen or so, with three missing, that's me deep down, and after that I have fun with the words and music. Some are deeper into me and some are playful kind of dare you to ask and some are just there for the fun or sound of it. But the first dozen or so, then selected others...

The written words, when put to music, can say it all. There I am, in case it matters.


Did you ever really know?

Narf :)

Misunderstood Hummus

Speaking of misunderstood humor (see the comments too), the genius with the penis is a fungus among us while the genius with no penis is a mustard custard. Pickles and donuts make strange bedfellows. Don't go tellin' on the melon.

What are you talking about, said one fly to the other? We can't let a zipper come between us. We must revolt, rise up and stand tall against the barriers that keep us apart. Rub out any doubt of resistances, fear no friction, emerge from the darkness and come forth into the light with everything you've got. Innocent lust is really trust, the most precious gift of all. Burst into each other with the passion of children finding magic for the first time.

And in the end... the love you save... is equal to the love... you gave...

A few who might understand, somewhere...             What melon?

Today was a day like any other day, except it hasn't happened yet. Overnight, a vision came to me, and I slept on it, comfortably, peacefully, wonderfully. Maybe it was listening to the singer above last night, or memories of peaches on beaches, or reading green eggs and lox by rabbi seuss, or one fish, two fish, red fish, jew fish, gefilte fish, also by rabbi seuss.

Please continue. I have almost given up on being completely understood in this life, in spite of being the simplest person I know. Perhaps it is all the layers of mazes I surround myself with without even trying. The perils of genius in this society include death and irrelevance. I'd choose the latter, given a choice. That way nobody would ever know unless they came very close and listened very hard, in word you might get what you came for. Does it lead to wonder for you too? If not, it's ok, most people try very hard to be like everybody else even as they claim uniqueness and they craving to belong and conform overwhelms any notion of true freedom even as the tell themselves they fight for independence.

Perhaps it was the Cheetos diet.

As Lenny Bruce ever said, intelligence is the opiate of the masses, which would have been quite wrong, if he did, but George Carlin was the genius of our times, and noone replaced him, yet. Harry Chapin, John Denver, a little Bob Marley, and a lot of John Lennon, recognizing genius in a sunflower and humanity in a field of poppies, while the rest of us have grown fat and lazy, living in lands of make-believe trying no to let it show, delusions for the win and everybody loses, the voices of reasons have all be shot or otherwise eliminated. Might as well jump off the Golden Gate and let the sea take us to a better place, or the Verrazano, for that matter, as if such a better place exists. Somewhere, somehow, somewhere...

Madness is just another way of enjoying life in this world. No wait, seriously, just look at this! Yeah, there used to be comments. I choose madness of the harmless variety, being of the fat and lazy clan, there is the luxury of time for distraction and folly, as it allows relative freedom of movement among the normals without much detection. As depression fucks us up the ass, not in a gay way, but as used and discarded trash, sensitivity dies before we do, is it any wonder we are fixated by zombie stories? Happy Halloween, you filthy animal.

More Cheetos (thought not just those, Palmetto cheese, mayo, and ff turkey sandwich and shrimp rolls with extra shrimps and sweet potato chips and chocolate milk and chocolate mousse and... did I mentions I've been exceptionally suicidal lately? Send in the clowns for an intervention. I want more chocolate milk, but the store just closed and I don't feel like driving further and so, water. The mouth wants stimulation and there's no one around to kiss, so food is the stimulation for tonight. I wouldn't kiss most people anyway, too many cooties. Even people without cooties who make my libido drool would have to spend time with me to prove they don't have the cooties. It you're not laughing, you probably have cooties.

There is altogether not enough inappropriate laughter in this world today. In fact, there are signs that I have given up on this life more and more. Not going to the gym, not buying the elliptical, not keeping the weight under 180, and letting the body get old... ooooo, so serious (and that last link was for the blind lazy fools without time or too cool,you know, the ones who don't click on the links within the links within the links, and so on, down down down, where your dreams are found,or something like that). Pass the Cheetos. But no one takes me seriously anymore, and I'm almost never serious because my seriousness scares people away, always has, because it is too real for human beings at this point in their development.

Humors Humours, or Humans?

Some titles lead to nowhere, sometimes, and sometimes, the genius is obscured by the words. Chose carefully as you wander into the breach, as the edge of the abyss is only your friend if you let love rise above fear and trust the universal nothingness to bring you home. Imaginary neverland of eternal bliss, a left at Albuquerque, and exit, stage left. You know, heaven's to mergatroid was never like this. Left to wonder, is she me? Or is she someone I used to be? Carelessly left adrift upon the cyber sea, laughing at the mystery of what was and what could be, if only you'd say, if only you'd see, oh say... can you? See?

So long ago, so far away, I just to laugh, while other'd play. Calvin said it well: Calvin: Why isn’t my life like a situation comedy? Why don’t I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren’t my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don’t my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well-being when I have problems?… I gotta get my life some writers.

Or even better,

Is loneliness is pretense of those who stay hidden?

Speaking of misunderstood humor (did we rinse and repeat?), I have almost given up on being completely understood in this life (maybe, but it's good to be clean, no?), but then, sometimes reality is more than lament, sometimes it is just real. It is all a matter of perspective, after all.

So I wonder, did you just hack me for some reason?

To all the hackers I've never known (or girls I've never loved before)... Where are you now? Boredom? Curiosity? Did you want to know something? Why not just ask? (too easy... or too scary?). Would you rather waste time alone in your room? Is it too comfortably numb to leave, even virtually? Are your interactions only superficial, professional, or commercial? Listen to this (I am not Mr. Ed),if you dare. No, silly fool, you can't access my webcam, unless I want you to If I let you, you'd find out that I too am one of the paranoid who put a bandaid over the lens.

Laughing all the way (not to the bank). Madness is not as haunting as reality. Just listen. Some nights as sad, but most nights, the melancholy smiles. Laughs, even. You could have known everything if you only asked. If you only cared enough to overcome your fears and let go. Control is just an illusion, like everything else, in case you didn't know.

Meanwhile, youtube distracts on to another plan of coincidence (call it what you will, empower whatever you will, it's your illusion too). O-M-G, look as song number three (rhyme for me, honestly... and I did not choose them, youtube did). You want more? Look at song number four. It's almost funny, you're killing me (smalls?... I never did related). Really?

Remember when entries made no sense unless you took the time to really read them again and again? The time you give is equal to the life you life. Love too.

We can still build that bridge, if you care. Do you dare?

And in case it matters, this one was justified.

Still, lol lam laa.

Narf :)

Commentmania

Well, not quite mania, I mean, it was just one entry from way back when (you can read the entry and the comments by clicking right here that got a bunch of comments a few weeks ago and after dissing them, I decided to actually read them... and this is my response:

Ok, so maybe I was a bit hasty calling you all SPAM lol. So...

Anon #1, thank you and I clear my mind by dumping anything in it out into the babbling words you read. When I don't have a concrete thought, I just babble about whatever comes to mind and let the flow of words happen. Maybe it works sometimes. :)

Anon #2, thank you and I hope the rest of your day was made even better somehow. Thank your brother too. :)

Anon #3, sometimes I thread the title into the blog in clever ways according to some people and occasionally, I think so too. Most of the time the title does have some connection to the babble, eventually. I appreciate your idea and even though I've written well over a hunded thousand entries over the years (more than a hundred of my blogs are right here on Blogger), I'll keep your title idea in mind. Yahoo's home page, aye? I used to have one of those, long ago, and for irony or whatever, one of my many names there was and is Anonanonanon. :)

Anon #4, Hug, I hurt bad when words are lost like that. Thank you for trying, and for the praise. I wonder what you wrote. :)

Anon #5, Yahoo News again? I have no clue how I got there, but this blog will surely come up on searches for Yahoo News now, aye? lol. Thanks. :)

Anon #6, Thank you profusely :)

Anon #7, Is your sister single? :)

Even if she is not, I would love to hear her analysis. :)

Anon #8, In a Blogger Blog, go to Settings --> Posts, comments, and sharing and scroll down to "Show Word Verification." That is Bloggers version of a Captcha. Hope this helps. :)

Anon #9, Articles, I still kind of wonder about that word. Anyway, thanks. :)

Anon #10, Aussie? Teaching? Ok. Thanks :)

Anon #11, No one else mentioned it. What browser were you using?

Anon #12, Thank you, please feel free not to resist commenting some more. :)

Anon #13, A new scheme, aye? About softball or cats or something I missed? God luck to all of you and hope you and your whole community come back and comment more. :)

Anon #14, You may have visited before, after all, I write hundreds of entries. Or maybe you visited one of my other 100+ blogs. Candoor writes a lot :)

Anon #15, The word "board" also makes me wonder. Maybe you don't have many blog encounters. Then again, I have journals, diaries, and blogs, at least. Call it what you like and come back anytime. :)

Well, that was a busy few days a few weeks ago and I am happy I stopped by here to publish all your comments.

Maybe one of you could tell me why you chose a 2016 entry and not something closer to the dates on your comments?

Especially since I basically tried to sell you on the more fun (for me, at least) entry right after this one that you read and responded to, aye? :)

Whatever the reasons or rhymes, real or not, I appreciate all the attention and hope you come back to the present to respond some more.

Make your life smile :)

Yes, they were all named Anonymous, quite the coincidence, isn't it?

Narf lol :)

Saving Facebook

I have no clure about the title, because I certainly have little or no interest in saving the social media megalith, though I did write a "note" there yesterday and I shall bring it here for you, for lack of any other babble. A small flurry of words fell out of my head in the past few days, elsewhere, as you may have noticed. If you've missed me, I really had no clue. No offense, but I gave up mind reading for now, maybe for good. Humans have been the most disappointing species I've encountered on this journey through the universe. So much potential, but so much fear and insecurity and just plain meanness in the species as a whole. I'm tired of searching for exceptions, but you are very welcome to stop by and let me know you are one, if you are.

The dream is never really over, no matter what you may have heard. There is always more growth in the gardens, in case it matters.

Anyway, I visited FB with my eyes open, mind awake, and time to explore for the first a very long time and I wrote this to the social media audience of FB friends...

You can’t please everyone, so...

I joined FB when it was relatively unknown, even before this profile was created. This profile replaced my original profile because, in the beginning, FB and most online forums encouraged people to protect their identity by creating a moniker, a handle, a... whatever. That was before they figured out just how much our real identities were worth in cold hard cash. This profile has been around since 2007 and I’ve come and gone over the years. The last time I had some real hope for this social media experiment was back in 2015 and a couple of “Notes” from then expressed some of that hope. I’m here today to share a bit about why I don’t visit FB much anymore and when I do, it is a relatively brief visit. So here we go.

Why I don't visit Facebook much, let me count some of the ways. Semi-randomly.

1. Page Info has a 2 in a red box next to it. I click on the 2 in the red box, and all I see is "Complete your about section so people can find your page easier." Apparently adding my address, phone number, and other personal information is what FB wants.

So people can find me easier? Believe that?

If people are not reaching out on my profile or on any of the fifty pages I’ve created over the years, why would I want them to call me - or show up at my home?

Creepy, FB, quite creepy... or just more marketing for the data you sell.

2. Notifications has a 6 in a red box and I click on that. The first "notification" is that I haven't shared anything to my page in a while - as if I didn't know that?
The second notification is that someone asked to join Friends of Bugs Webbot, a Group I created long ago. There is no "accept" or "approve" button, so I clicked on that notification and the Friends of Bugs Webbot member requests page opened. It tells me Friends of Bugs Webbot has zero requests. Just fishing for more clicks, FB? Or phishing for more data...

So far I've wasted five minutes.

A few more clicks on "friend requests" that were not there and then a few comments left by friends and another ten minutes pass. Why all the distractions and extra clicks letting a few comments from friends get lost in the mix? Perhaps because extra clicks bring in more ad dollars, so what if it undermines actual communication. Socialization is expensive, right?
Fifteen minutes and I move on.

3. Inbox has an 8 in a red box. I click on it and there are no messages show up. There are two more 8s in red boxes in icons on the left, so I click on them.

The first shows me posts I posted and the comments people left. Why again?

The second tells me to "Get Started" with Instagram. If I wanted Instagram, I'd sign up for Instagram.
Wasted another five minutes.

4. The Messages icon at the top of the page has a 8 in a red box. I click on it and a drop down shows me way more than 8 messages not read. The first message tells me to say hi to a new friend I don't know. The second is an event from someone I know. It is dated October 9th and tells me he had a Halloween party last week, on October 12th.

That shows me how dependent people are on FB for their communications. FB loves that because they make a fortune selling our activities to corporations. I'd rather not get into that world. I would have liked to have seen the local friend and others at the party, but that's what I give up because I don't want FB in my phone or life on a daily, or moment to moment basis.

The third message is from a high school girlfriend (I love being in touch with friends from the early years of this life. That is something the early years of FB helped with, though some have been in my phone books since we met). Added coincidence (irony, distraction, or whatever) is that I am listening to a Youtube playlist I've never listened to before, the fourth playlist today, and Be My Baby has played five times in a row so far, with two versions of You Don't Own Me tossed in. I like listening to different covers of favorite songs and this playlist is called Memories. These are absolutely two of my favorite songs from my youth.

Anyway, sort of score one for FB, with a big assist from Youtube.

After wasting at least 25 minutes, I spent 5 minutes responding to an old friend. I still wish I could have the 25 minutes back.

The rest of the messages are out of date. More "Say hello to..." or other past events. More than a few suspicious messages that are either SPAM or worse. That risk alone is why FB is not on my phone. Between the invasive data collection FB does and the poor SPAM/Virus blocking, I'll stick to text and voice calls for my personal communications.

Or blogs, you can often find me in one of my many babbling blogs, I mean, if you seek distraction or want to know me from various angles, perspectives, and imaginary creations. :)

5. Notifications on the upper task bar has a 99 in a red box. Like I have time for that. Wen I look through notifications now and then, I find a close friend sent me an invitation or message. I usually have a text or call from that friend (which is what makes them a close friend, or even a real-life friend). Sometimes these messages amidst the many other notifications FB sends. Most are simply asking me to click on FB pages more so the corporation can make more money collect more data, and make more money. Beyond that, the service they provide is a distraction from life much more than effective communication and their "notifications" in all the many repetitive forms they take as mostly a waste of time.

Ok, so we all seek distraction sometimes, I mean, you are still reading this, right? But all day every day in every communication tool we use? You know my answer.

6. Life. Maybe I should clarify - offline life. Today is the first day I've woken truly refreshed with time to just sit here wandering the internet in more than a month. Need I mention that there is so much more value and intelligence and creativity and wonder on the internet beyond FB? You might as well bring AOL back if you want someone else to control your internet experience. Open your eyes, look around (beyond FB). You may learn something.

Anyway, between a job I love that takes a whole lot of time, and sports (softball, mostly) that I play at least a few times a week, and other exercise, and a love of cooking and food and writing and music and games and video distractions that take time from sleep (cuz that's often the only time left), there is no time for FB even if I wanted to ignore all the risks and put up with all the SPAM. Did I mention people? I mean offline people. They exist, really. I neglect my friends way too much as it is to be choosing FB over spending time with them.

7. The Internet. Yes, as I suggested above, there is an internet beyond FB. In fact, the vast majority of the internet is not FB. If that comes as a surprise, please step away from your electronic device and find a pair of eyes you can look into. Then say hello.

Flippantly, I'd rather read Groucho Marx quotes on Youtube. And just did.

8. And now, the end is near... This computer is another reason I spend limited time on FB. It is an old cheap computer, $129, that does not have the memory that FB demands. After a half hour, the computer screams it is out of memory and it's time to shut it down, clean it, and start again. That time has come, so bye bye FB, until next time.

9. PS... Why am I rarely on FB?

If I am to stare at a screen, I'd rather read a good book and FB is not a good book.

10. In case you have not had enough, Youtube just put a long commercial on and I just spent at least five minutes looking for the remote. I added this because it happened, and you may have been seeking yet another distraction. I am here to please. When am here.

So most seriously, I want to live a life that can be seen, touched, felt, and hugged. At least. FB can't provide that. Given the limited time I have in this life, I'll spend most of it looking into people's eyes, or looking for people's eyes, rather than staring at a screen.

I still love and miss you and welcome you in my world.

One last distraction. The photo was selected because some will smile and some will frown and some won’t be reading by the time this last explanatory note is added.

You may have to open the photo to understand.

P.P.S. The knees are exactly the same size, if you think otherwise, it’s an optical illusion.

May all your illusions be bright... happy too.

This is the photo I headed the page: