Meanwhile, did I do this or that? If I recall, there were comments left, SPAM, mostly, but I finally looked through them and published the ones that were not linked to some sort of sales or suspicious page. Both entries are from the years back, one from 2015 and the other from 2011, apparently selected randomly or through some algorithm by some comment-spam-bot, but hey, they were visited more than 150 times each in the past month according to google, largely from Germany, so maybe they have some value to some. Feel free to let me know.
I used to look at the stats for the previous daily more often because it got lots of views. For a while it was getting a few thousand a month. The U.S. provided most views, with Russian, Ukraine, and Romania jousting for second. China had a lot for a while, but they've all but disappeared in recent years. I wonder if their censorship blocked me. As if my babbling could be some threat to national security or something, aye? I mean, just because I am a perverse purveyor of pompous pandering and illegitimate alliteration doesn't hurt nobody, does it? Maybe it's cuz I'm an alien
Anyway, the 2015 entry, 42, which climbed into 10th place overall in page views (such an arbitrary ranking, given the comment-spam-bots), might have attracted some Dr. Who fans. Anyway, looking at the stats gives the fragile ego some sense of being loved, even if it all just in my imagination. more than 125,000 page views over in the last daily, and still counting. A ridiculously small number, really, for a blog that's been around more than 10 years, and considering thousands come from sites like vampirestat, but we draw what we need from things, in large part, by choosing the perspective that gives us what we need. If we try sometimes, ya know? :)
I'm in a wonderfully calm and happy mood this morning, perhaps actually glad the kids are in the house (in spite of the restrictions, because it gives me the excuse to just sit here and not clean up or do anything. It's a school night and they need their sleep, right? I do need to get more exercise though. I wonder how much noise an elliptical would make. Probably too much and I'd be pissed if I was ready to get on it and didn't exercise because I didn't want to wake them. I do need to cut back on calories again. This body's metabolism is so slow, it can survive on 500 calories a day most days. All that meditating and exercise I did in it's wayward youth, no doubt. Or maybe it was the drugs lol.
dear friend of the written word
do you write anymore?
was it all just for the birds
or for the store?
Maybe you were just practicing with me
We use to correspond almost every day
you'd tell me all about your life
and I'd share mine, in words we'd play
it did not matter that we never met
or that you lived far away
we cared and showed it through the words
we'd write... so secure we'd stay
in touch, dear fried
where are you today?
I miss you.
purveyor of prose and rhyme
do you write anymore?
was it just a way to pass the time
or something more?
Maybe you are just forgetting about me
(maybe you just forgot about me)
In case you ever wondered
I really cared about you
I meant the words I wrote
to be real and true
In case it still matters
I am lonely without you
I wish we could share words again
(I wonder if you do too)
so I'm writing to you
because
I miss you.
wayward long lost friend
do you write anymore?
did you somehow get lost out there
or are you gone?
life moved on
Still, maybe you still sometimes think of me
and would like to know
I miss you
I still care about you
and
I miss you
And I wonder if you do too. Chopped up meter, rhythm, and rhyme, almost intentional, as the communication has broken down, as is the seas upon which the words used to flow are too choppy to allow connections. Maybe you understand. Maybe you remember.
Maybe you'll respond.
Rolling up on 6:00 AM, wondering what to do now. Sleep another hour? The eyes tell me they could use it, still cloudy and heavier than ideal. Shower and go out to work early?
Buzzes off to sleep and returned the next night... Tired wired, the worst kind lol. Too much Halloween candy. Listening to music, a random list of videos I put together years ago. Onlt the first five or so are in order as they represent me on Youtube, or something like that. Unfortunately, over the years, some of the videos were taken down or went private or got blocked. Feel free to listen and let me know what you think, though I have no idea what comes after the first ten or fifteen videos lol. Yes, I still miss the mix tapes lost somewhere in Toronto. Cold cold heart, that girl from Toronto. My life was music and she kept it. Couldn't get the first song, but got the second one in spite of it all.
Another long day at the desk, still working on the major projects and feeding the boss what he needs to look good. I planned on drinking four of five or even six protein shakes today and not eating anything, but shrimp and soup called me for dinner and then, Kit Kats stuffed themselves into my mouth. I was helpless, they were just too strong and overpowered my will and I couldn't even call out for help because, well, they kept stuffing themselves in my mouth.
Yeah, you get the visual.
TA and I sat outside giving out candy until it ran out. Except for the Kit Kats. Hundreds of kids poured by the house and all the neighbors were outside, but there were so many kids, there was no time to walk over and talk to anyone. The neighbors next door have Halloween videos on projected on to their garage door. It was cool, the kids loved it. TA's kids were with their mom, so we don't know how they did tonight. We came in when the candy ran out and as usual, TA is in his bedroom. Texted Jackson and she and Brandi gave out candy too. I'm lonely.
My choice though. I could call people and they'd have me over in a minute, but I am comfortable a home and don't want to go anywhere. The second song, so uch so, that even when I'm lonely, I'm happier at home by myself than I am somewhere else. Still, third song, I'm still dreaming and fourth song, I'm still believing and fifth song, I keep waving lol. Who really gets it? There is hope in hope itself, sixth song. So much me, so much I love Dia, and Meg, and that perspective. Sixth song, blocked, is John Lennon's Love...
Must find another version to put there.
You'll just have to go listen to learn about me if you want to know. I've never met anyone who actually actualizes it all, lives it, breathes it, gives it, and receives it. It scares everyone away when it gets too real. Seventh song (sixth that actually plays until I replace the block sixth... musically ironic, a blocked sixth, if you follow), all I've ever needed. The first dozen or so, with three missing, that's me deep down, and after that I have fun with the words and music. Some are deeper into me and some are playful kind of dare you to ask and some are just there for the fun or sound of it. But the first dozen or so, then selected others...
The written words, when put to music, can say it all. There I am, in case it matters.
Did you ever really know?
Narf :)
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