Seems to be a theme now, these lonely nights. Today and tonight was mostly fun because I do stuff I find fun, but I am a lot lonelier than I'd like to be because I want to share more. That is how it works. If I did not want to share time, space, activities, and myself with someone, I would not be lonely. I am only lonely because I want to share. If you understand that then you understand it is my choice. In case it matters.
Softball was another thud and the season is over. We lost big to the almost undefeated team and hopefully next season we (and I) will do much better. Several players are leaving and we are recruiting several replacements who are better than the players leaving. As for me, I have reached a point where I am deteriorating by the week because I am not exercising enough so I must stop procrastinating and get into daily exercise or my playing days are numbered. I also must get a mask and more protective equipment because one ball buzzes my head and I didn't react in time and that could have been the end of my playing days or worse very quickly and easily. Live better and safer or die sooner, that is my simple choice.
Jackson was not there because her team lost last week (this was week two of the playoffs) so I did not get to see her new car (did I mention she got a new car?... yeah, mixed feelings... but sad not to be any part of the excitement and experience after all the years we talked about her buying her dream car... alas, life goes on). Back to softball, I stayed around to watch the women's league playoffs because I know many of the players (I've played with many of them over the years and a half dozen or more are on my current co-ed teams). The team we all expected to win won because they are in a higher rating level than all of the other teams. Not really fair, but when only four teams sign up, that's the way it goes. It does give the lower level teams a chance to play up to better cometition and therein improve, or so the theory goes.
After softball I stopped for a food treat at Wawa. Two Subs (Meatball parmesean with bacon {not the best, provolone cheese and not enough, not enough sauce, but ok for a midnight snack} and Pepperoni Pizza {a lot of pepperoni, provolone and not enough cheese), a mac and cheese bowl (with bacon, luke warm, dry and pasty... needed butter, velveeta, more liquid, and heating up to be paletable), a buttered roll, and three vanilla crene filled long johns. I ate half of each sub, a few bites of the mac and cheese, and a long john. The long john was my favorite part of the meal and it is close to my favorite snack food, though Publix Yo-yos are hard to beat. I know way too many calories for my sedentary life style and even more, way too late to eat. I was up all night, as usual.
The night was filled with Facebook and online reading, a few comments, and some blogging. There is a returning hunger to share after I get home from activities and socializing and I quell (occasionally satisfy) the hunger with some online communication and mostly with these blog posts. The blogs let me stay in touch with myself and provides the hope (and illusion in the possibility) of sharing cuz you could read this and respond. Simple substitution of unwanted reality with hope of wanted reality by believing in the possibility of wanted reality and providing the means to it through the writings left here (there, and everywhere else, ya know?). Some sublimation required.
We could have been heroes, for now we are subs :)
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