Sunday Social

So I turned to Harpo today for some Sunday company mostly because he is the only one who'd do anything for me mostly because he is so desperate for approval and love and he gets takes it from anywhere he can (except from the one called god above). I don't know why the rhyme came by this time. I just want to let the words out and figure out what I'm all about especially at this moment when I am feeling the loneliness drawing me in again. So much loneliness, so much hunger to share, so much inside me to give, and no one here. I drove around and he was his usual near-panicky mostly neurotic self. At least we both get some much needed socialization time. He tries so hard to please, I am happy to get him out for a while.

This morning I woke on time for softball practice with the Sunday team after sleeping just two hours or so. I drank a little caffeine and did my best, which was good by all standards except mine, but then, I've got reasons. Early in the scrimmage a ball thrown from third base hit me on the outside left forearm when the second baseman did not catch it. It hit hard enough to bounce far enough out to left field for me to easily take third base, but oh did it hurt. No one seemed to notice and only the left fielder asked me if I was ok. The lack of concern or interest or awareness really typifies the lack of team on this team. That lack of paying attention to their only pitcher getting hurt is sad.

Anyway, the muscle that lifts the lower arm and the funny bone were affected and the hand was numb for an inning or two and the left pinky still tingles more than ten hours later. There is swelling from the upper forearm to the lower bicep to the elbow and making a fist (or closing a softball mitt) and lifting the lower arm (to catch a ball or protect myself from getting hit by a ball) hurts a lot. It'll probably wake me once I fall asleep and that shouldn't be too long from now because I am exhausted.

After softball practice the coaches and one player and a replacement player and the replacement players partner went out to eat. We talked a bit, though nothing serious, and kind of maybe got a little more comfortable. They know how I am getting to Austin, who I am staying with, and that I need to eat cheap and have no guaranteed rides to any of the games and can't afford to pay for transportation. They added one replacement player who can pitch but, sort of, but he brings negativity and baggage. They brought another who only plays first base and he has not shown up to a practice yet. Both are as old as me and both tire much more quickly. They seem happy with their choices and I don't understand the choices or their happiness unless they are just doing favors for senior players and friends. I know we could have done a lot better on talent, speed, stamina, attitude, and consistency of play.

Meanwhile only one of the replacement players have made it to practices and another has made it to one practice and one has not made it to any. It's a strange lack of commitment, interest, and enthusiasm on top of the other limitations that they bring. Another factor is the negativity, distraction, and gossip one of the replacement players and his partner brings to any team he plays for. Anything that happens at practice or at the world series will be broadcast during the season which is not the best situation. We could be in a much better position to win (the other team going is as they picked up a lot more players and made much better choices). I was left out of any of the decisions (maybe if the coaches explained their decisions I'd understand better, but they don't make sense from my perspective), so I'll just ride along doing my best to not get involved and still motivate everyone to do their best, not get distracted, not feed or get drawn into the negativity, and not be brought down by the lack of energy from the replacement players. We will likely be the oldest team that is not a masters (senior) team there.

So all this rambling helps me accept the team I will be leading (as a pitcher leads, not as a coach) through this year's world series. It might not be fun to read for some of the players or for anyone, but then, this blog is sometimes my therapy so accept it or prove even further you don't care. I mean, nobody on my team cared enough to even ask if my getting hit by the ball hurt, no less enough to read my Facebook and find this blog and take the time to read this blog (and if I am wrong about that, feel free to let me know. Finding out when I am wrong helps me learn and I am alive to learn and grow, so caring would be telling me I am wrong in thinking none of the team actually cares much about me personally. That's one thing I'd love to be wrong about.)

Time for sleep. The body is tired and the arm definitely needs sleep time for healing. Hopefully it will be better in the morning. Maybe tomorrow life will bring major changes. At least I hope to make it a good day.

You too :)