Stop Complaining

Yes, that's me to me. TA and his kids are quiet, mostly, and polite and really a good respectful family. The kid has serious separation issues and comes running to physically cling to TA whenever we have a conversation, but she is just marking her territory and she peaks out at me to see my reaction. I sense shyness and insecurity and neediness to assert herself for attention. I can't be easy for TA, as he has little to no freedom of movement or interaction with her here. But he gives her all the patient attention she needs and I've not heard him raise his voice once. Baseline in family interaction is very respectful without conflict so there must be a love of kind and positive interaction in the family history.

As for my interactions, I don't think TA is doing anything on purpose to not make me feel welcome, I think it's just absent-mindedness, procrastination, and laziness. Hopefully there is no subconscious resistance to sharing the space going on in him. He mentioned getting a box for the crystal glassware that does not get used that occupies a full kitchen cabinet. My kitchen stuff remains on the counter and in boxes in the kitchen and front living room (the one he said would be mine) waiting for him to make the space he wants to share in the kitchen. He doesn't share kitchen space well at all, not fridge or anywhere, but I don't sense it's on purpose. I will have to figure out how to identify my stuff if we stop living together. Pictures, perhaps.

The sink is full of dishes again. He just emptied it and loaded the dishwasher this afternoon, but I suppose three people make a lot of dishes. The sink has two basins and I've cleared out one basin repeatedly since I've been here because I need to fill my Brita pitcher daily and also wash my dish and cookware (usually there is not much more than a couple of pieces) immediately after cooking and eating or I let it soak in soapy water, but I seldom put two meals worth of dishes in a sink and never without the rinse and soak, This is not their habit and the dishes have no been coming out of the cheap dishwater clean. I'm not sure they are getting the message to leave one sink basic clear, but I'll ask if they don't. YA said they get ants n the kitchen and I see why, dirty dishes piled up and crumbs and food left on the counters after cooking will attracted insects. It is very common in Florida if you don't do the things you need to do to not give the insects a comfortable home.

He did move the couch out of the living room, but his TV and primary living room chair remains in this room and he's usually sitting in it watching something when I get home. He works at home from it some days as well. My TV sits on the floor next to the table holding his TV and I am getting the feeling he's not moving his TV, even though it will not allows my CBS All Access to play on it, which is concerning since I am paying for it. I may have to simply set up and table and hooked up my TV next to his to watch the channel I pay for.

A sudden blast of cigarette smell waifed through the house as he came in fro the patio. That will get me to say something if it continues happening. It will get me to look for another place if it doesn't stop. It is not too often, but it's chilly outside tonight and he ran out of e-cigarette stuff, so he's poisoning himself and his kids with tobacco this week. I sprayed some Fabreeze air freshener in my side of the house and this helps the nose, but not the lungs.

After eating a bowl of pistachio nuts, I headed out to Walmart before it closed at midnight and picked up Cashew Milk, Pineapple Orange Banana Juice, Fudge Sticks, and Fudge Topping. The Cookies and Topping and Juice will wait foo tomorrow, but the Cashew Milk and I had a party tonight with the pistachio nuts. As if my pigging out with Helen at Mikado earlier wasn't enough. Did I mention we went to the Japanese buffet tonight? Mostly I slept today after getting home well after sunrise and not getting to sleep until after 10 AM and waking somewhere around 3 PM.

Who is Jenna "Is that a piece of cake?" Savage, anyway? The thoughts ramble as Megnetic ends. It's a strange indie movie starring Allix Mortis and directed by Sophia Cacciola and Michael J Epstein. I believe they mean well and I'll admit, I didn't watch every minute or listen to every word, but it was a strange one none-the-less. I understand why it dd not get as high as three stars on Amazon. Next up, Horrible Histories. Whatever am I getting myself into? Am I digressing?

Meanwhile, they are in the bedroom now, she sleeps in him bed and won't fall asleep unless he is in there with her. It's after midnight and I can their TV. It is loud enough to hear over the TV in this living room more than 50 feet away. Maybe that helps them sleep, or maybe they don't sleep.

I'm starting to nod myself.

Reviewing this entry, I see it is exactly what I need to do to maintain peace and happiness in my ind (and in turn my living space). This is how I do it. It is an assessment of my current living environment and not meant to be a complaint or vent (not that I don't do both). I feel more comfortable and secure when I look (and write about) the details of my reality. Exploring every detail allows me to determine what I like and do not like and therein allows me to reduce he things I don't like from my life. Living with someone is a compromise and as the past two years with Eb showed once again, I can bend over backwards and adjust to almost anything I don't like as long as I write to keep in touch with how much the thing or situation or environment disturbs me.

As I see it, conflicts happen in life when something disturbs someone and it is repressed, ignored, and/or not acknowledged in the conscious mind or in the physical reality. I suppose conflicts happen at times because some people like conflicts, but I don't and seldom have any in my life because I don't allow myself to be surprised by things I don't like. Writing about every little detail is how I do that and it usually works well.

So that is what this entry is about, or the reason for it. And in many ways, what this blog is about, at least in part. In case it matters. Or you were curious. It's not actually meant to be complaining and when it degenerates into complaining, that's when I need to realize I am clouding my view with self-pity or other stupid thinking errors. That leads to nothing good unless I throw myself a relatively brief pity-party and get out of that cloudy fog quickly. Writing is how I do that too.

And I am nodding off, so it is time to smile at myself for finding words that bring me to clarity ad peace because that brings me happiness no matter how much I may compromise. So I press send, upload, and say nite nite (maybe not in that order, aye? :)

May you find your way to clarity and compromise that lets you enjoy your reality too.

Narf.