Hungry (again and again)

Belly bloated, still hungry... eat a can of spaghettios, still hungry... no snacks, but want more...

The over-acting over-dramatic emo from actors that do not have a shred of scientific or medical knowledge pretending (so badly) to be scientists, astronauts, doctors... and then, they threw in god and a non-believer because atheists belong in science fiction, right. Leaders who couldn't be leaders in a girl scout troop. Aliens have to look as scary as possible. That is Outer Limits weak quasi-sci-fi.

More?

There s always more, but sometimes I fall asleep before more comes out and sometimes I just don't feel like writing more for a myriad of reasons, the saddest being the feeling that nobody cares if I write or share or live or die which has grown since birth as a sense of not really being wanted because of things the woman who adopted me said after I did not save her marriage, things life she should have chosen another baby, among other unpleasantries. From those first memories I wondered if anyone would ever care about me enough to stay, but so far everyone who's ever said they loved me has gone away. Most cut me out of their lives completely. I just don't understand human beings and what they want and how to be loved by one. I seem to be able to by short term companionship, but here I am alone again.

It is all so illusionary, so temporary, and nobody really seems to get that.

I don't want to forget that even when creating the mutual illusion that love is forever and we will always be together because we want to be. Actualizing the duality of illusion and delusion in the physical reality is seems to be something no one I've ever met has wanted to do with me.

Sad.

still I hope.

Narf.