All These Words

the next concern

Did my kidneys shut down again?

I am mostly certain they did, at least for a few hours, more likely six or eight hours. That is based on prior experience and the feedback I am getting from this body. The symptoms are not promising. I am forcing fluids, 80 ounces of water in the past two hours. Within the past twenty minute I started packing to head to the emergency room. As I was packing, I peed. I think that was the first time in the past eight hours, maybe longer. I was distracted by the food poisoning symptoms and constant diarrhea. The body is providing yet another wake up call and I am ignoring them way too well.

Two more pair of underwear were trashed since the last report on trashed underwear. That makes three total. This is definitely not what the anus needs. I intend to call the nephrologist in a few hours if I do not decide to head to the emergency room. This is not good. In case it matters. Anybody?

Playing a softball tournament out of town this weekend is probably not the best idea. They will likely admit me if I go to the emergency room which would decide what I am doing for me, but I am trying to kick start the kidneys myself by forcing fluids. That's all they did there last time and then they watched me for two days, but I was fine once the IV fluids kick started the kidneys. I am hoping that just drinking water will do that.

I've always suspected that the kidneys would be the way I die. I just was hoping they would last another few decades. I need to keep this job so I have the health insurance and I really should go to the workshop 9-12 this morning. I really do not need another $1500 expense just now as I might have found a roommate and we are going to look at places next week and I may be moving in the next month. A life of poverty is quite challenging, but it is the life I chose.

So come on kidneys, start up right. I opened another 20 ounce water and am on my way to 100 ounces. The diarrhea was as bad as ever, which is a bad sign, but the fact that there was some flow of urine is a sign they are not shut down now. The right one feels like it still might be, which is why I will call the doctor if I decide not to head to the emergency room. I want blood tests, at the very least.

I definitely do not feel up to playing softball at the moment, though that is 48 hours away if I don't end up in the hospital today. I really wanted to go on this road trip with my new team, our first road trip. Elton (coach and yes, the same Elton who played cards with the cards people back when I lived closer to them) will be driving and I'll be staying in a room with him, which is great. It is wonderful to have real respect from a coach and I want to build on that. He is also a cool person.

I definitely do not feel like going to work in an hour, but I am playing it moment to moment at the moment. The food poisoning apparently put too much strain on the kidneys. If it was food poisoning. Maybe the antibiotics combined. If the kidneys say I can't take antibiotics anymore, that will not bode well for those few more decades I'd like to be here. Less water being sick as I was with what felt like food poisoning probably didn't help.

If I had a good primary care doctor, I'd have called yesterday, but I have yet to find one. Doctors do not seem to care about people anymore. I remember when doctors developed actual relationships with their patients. Even made house calls. I remember when people cared about each other more too. Our society seems to have desensitized to a point where we accept impersonal interactions as the norm, where genuinely caring (the verb) is not expected or even sought anymore, and our suicidal tendencies are winning the race. The human race is losing. Extinction is pretty much inevitable if something dramatic doesn't change soon.

Meanwhile, I may be gone before it does. Still, I continue writing this life as I experience it.

All these words, every little thing, in case it matters.

There's always hope.

Narf.