Tomorrow I hope to stop by the new place and give him the deposit and start moving stuff there. Without heat here, Shane the Insane (new nickname he just earned) bought an indoor propane heater. I don't think they are safe and so at 4 AM tonight I am still awake because I don't want to die of CO or CO2 poisoning in my sleep. I face my fears head on with completely open honesty. That's how I've lived happily for this long.
It would be funny if this was a sit com, someone dumb enough to burn a propane heater indoors. I don't care what it says on the box about being indoor safe, it's not designed to be a permanent heat source indoors and it can malfunction.
So anyway, I opened the window in my bedroom so I will have fresh air. Cold, but fresh. Stupid situation I've gotten myself into, but at least I have a way out and I should live through the night.
Trying to laugh it off.
I really do need some sleep. I have a lot of driving tomorrow and falling asleep at the wheel would not be a very good safety example for a safety officer. That's my humor, sue me (strange tongue-sticking-out bug-eyed smiley face, ya know?) Yes, I opened the window because, I mean, can you imagine the headline> County Safety Officer dies from carbon monoxide from an unvented indoor propane heater.
Ok, so maybe the propane risk is scary, but if we do not face our fears, we are victims of the mistakes they lead us to. If we do not face our fears, we give them more power and makes them more challenging to overcome. If we do not overcome our fears, we live and die afraid and diminish everything we could do. Fear prevents us from seeing clearly and making the best decisions.
So face your fears or fail.
The question is simple, do you want to fail?
I do not want to fail.
That is a simple choice.
If you hide your fears, you stop being honest with yourself.
If you are not honest with yourself, you are choosing failure.
It really is that simple.
I don't know anyone who truly actualizes this understand, but that doesn't change it's truth.
I keeping hoping there must be some who do.
I want you to, but that is your decision.
If you read this far, maybe you will.
It is your choice.
Narf :)
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Monday, November 26, 2018
Almost Champions
The umpire took away the chance we might have had by letting the team that was ahead interrupt our rally with unsportsmanlike conduct and worse, the umpirse did not stop the clock so time ran out.
Alas, the umpire was not on his game tonight, which happens sometimes to the older umpires who like things get personal power trippy. He squeezed the strike zone and acted like he didn't want to be there as the night wore on (we were running more than an hour late on a Monday night after all. So who could blame him (I wil, I will lol), it rained on and off all evening and there was a rain delay and the last game, our game, started more than a half hour late. We were not going to be done until well after 10 PM when the games are scheduled to be over at 9:30 PM. So he wasn't as friendly as he can be sometimes and he was moody and ended up pissy. Everybody has a bad day.
But.
When you are an umpire you can't let your bad day decide a game's outcome.
Especially when the season championship was being decided on the field this night.
He was very chatty with a couple of the other team players to the point where I asked if we could play the game a couple of times since I was standing on the pitcher's mound waiting for their chat to end. The other team was hot and dominated for the first few innings taking a 16-3 lead. By the way he was making calls, you could tell the umpire wanted to get going and let the game end early. Then, we started coming back, which extended the game.
After we scored 9 runs and made it 16-14 with two on and the go-ahead run at the plate, he said he heard one of the other team's players say something they shouldn't have said and he started arguing with the player (who was sitting in the stands). After a minute or so, he threw the player out. Meanwhile, the clock is still moving. The umpire stood with his back to the field arguing with the player another couple of minutes until the player finally left the field area. Earlier, the other umpire was chatting with the other teams infield at the pitcher's mound and delayed the game even further and at one point he calling a "no pitch" when I pitched a strike because he was not in position. When their pitcher fast-pitched the ball, the umpire covered for him.
Anyway, after the five minute delay with runners on and the batter still in the batters box, by then, our momentum was cold and the batter popped out. We went out to take the field and the umpire, who was talking to the players on the other team with his back to the field again, turned and said time expired. We asked why he was rewarding the team for delaying the game and he had no answer. After several of our players challenged him and told him you just wanted to go home and cheated us, he said the clock had run out before he threw the player out. We asked why he didn't do what umpires always do, which is tell both teams time expired and finish the inning and he had no answer, he just walked away. He was obviously flustered and blew it.
We were tied for first place with that team and had beaten them by one run in the previous game against them. We were rallying and as the home team, set up for a big win. The other team found a way to stop us by manipulating the umpire and the umpire went along with it, probably without even realizing he was being manipulated.
That gives them the regular season championship.
What a way to win, let the winning team delay the game by pissing off the umpire when the other team was mounting a big come back rally and flustering the umpire so much he let them run out the clock. The bottom of the barrel umpires can be found at Seminole Softball Complex in Seminole County, Florida on Monday nights.
Frank, you blew it.
Narf!
Alas, the umpire was not on his game tonight, which happens sometimes to the older umpires who like things get personal power trippy. He squeezed the strike zone and acted like he didn't want to be there as the night wore on (we were running more than an hour late on a Monday night after all. So who could blame him (I wil, I will lol), it rained on and off all evening and there was a rain delay and the last game, our game, started more than a half hour late. We were not going to be done until well after 10 PM when the games are scheduled to be over at 9:30 PM. So he wasn't as friendly as he can be sometimes and he was moody and ended up pissy. Everybody has a bad day.
But.
When you are an umpire you can't let your bad day decide a game's outcome.
Especially when the season championship was being decided on the field this night.
He was very chatty with a couple of the other team players to the point where I asked if we could play the game a couple of times since I was standing on the pitcher's mound waiting for their chat to end. The other team was hot and dominated for the first few innings taking a 16-3 lead. By the way he was making calls, you could tell the umpire wanted to get going and let the game end early. Then, we started coming back, which extended the game.
After we scored 9 runs and made it 16-14 with two on and the go-ahead run at the plate, he said he heard one of the other team's players say something they shouldn't have said and he started arguing with the player (who was sitting in the stands). After a minute or so, he threw the player out. Meanwhile, the clock is still moving. The umpire stood with his back to the field arguing with the player another couple of minutes until the player finally left the field area. Earlier, the other umpire was chatting with the other teams infield at the pitcher's mound and delayed the game even further and at one point he calling a "no pitch" when I pitched a strike because he was not in position. When their pitcher fast-pitched the ball, the umpire covered for him.
Anyway, after the five minute delay with runners on and the batter still in the batters box, by then, our momentum was cold and the batter popped out. We went out to take the field and the umpire, who was talking to the players on the other team with his back to the field again, turned and said time expired. We asked why he was rewarding the team for delaying the game and he had no answer. After several of our players challenged him and told him you just wanted to go home and cheated us, he said the clock had run out before he threw the player out. We asked why he didn't do what umpires always do, which is tell both teams time expired and finish the inning and he had no answer, he just walked away. He was obviously flustered and blew it.
We were tied for first place with that team and had beaten them by one run in the previous game against them. We were rallying and as the home team, set up for a big win. The other team found a way to stop us by manipulating the umpire and the umpire went along with it, probably without even realizing he was being manipulated.
That gives them the regular season championship.
What a way to win, let the winning team delay the game by pissing off the umpire when the other team was mounting a big come back rally and flustering the umpire so much he let them run out the clock. The bottom of the barrel umpires can be found at Seminole Softball Complex in Seminole County, Florida on Monday nights.
Frank, you blew it.
Narf!
Saturday, November 24, 2018
So Lonesome I Could...
Sometimes, it’s been rare, but today is one of those days. The whippoorwills, if you recall. So lonesome I could cry. Die? Not yet. Though I must ask myself... where are those tears that are usually falling from my eyes? Obviously not feeling, but hopefully not quite dead yet. I’m quite used to being alone in this life, always have been since my first memories. The combination of changes and challenges piling on in recent years and most especially in the past week or so have me simply wanting someone to care. Someone to listen. Someone to share. And I must face the cold hard truth, the realization that I don’t have anyone in my life who is willing to do that. That is the sadness.
My independence doesn’t let this feeling get too awful, but it's gosh darn near awful at the moment. Even without feeling it all. I have not allowed myself to e emotionally vulnerable in a very long time. I wonder if I ever will again. It has never gone well when I have. Too many needy people, greedy people, insecure people, users and abusers. Where is the one that I can depend on?
I really don’t need anything for anybody outside of myself. But every now and then, like right about now, I want someone to share so much that was realizing I have no one to care about me hurts.
I texted three longs text to Jackson she said "sorry". Woman of few words (one word, many emoji's and image-memes). I asked her how she was doing she didn’t respond. I was just looking for some human contact, some distraction in conversation, something to show me that all the years I’ve lived and given to people left some impression that matters.
I was supposed to go to dinner with Helen, but she is having some challenges herself so she cancelled. That’s actually perfect, because the last thing I need to do to this body is put more food in it today. She called, so at least I had a voice on a phone, but she doesn’t listen well too often. She told me about her challenges and then sort of listening to mine a little, but didn’t have time to talk.
It is not easy to face the fact that that if I died right now no one would notice.
I am tired of always being the one who initiates sharing/caring.
This stupid self pity party is no fun today.
No one wants to spend time with me and it’s been that way for a while. I have not had someone who simply want to spend a day with me in many years. Definitely doesn’t do much for self-worth.
Still, I can find a way to have some fun even if it's just playing a video game in bed by myself. The child learned to amuse me at a very early age and that's kept me happy throughout this life. Lonely, but happy.
Still, loneliness can damen my happiness so I drowned my sorrows in yesterday's pizza and let the chips fall where they may.
Or something like that.
Your move.
Narf :)
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Possible New Roommate, Possible Senility
So I woke around noon and watched a little TV, I think, and wandered on to Facebook finding a rich vein of photos (memes too) that I shared on some of my pages and saved for future sharing. That passed time until I showered and headed to the new potential roommate and we talked for a couple of hours. Yes, we found things to talk about and he's someone I could live with and the place is clean. There are definite personal comfort challenges for me though.
On the challenging side, the bedroom is small and right off the front door so it will be very cramped and not as private as I'd like. Actually, not private at all unless I am trapped in a tiny room with the door closed. Unless... I set up a desk and chair and recliner and TV in the living room. We'll get to that, there may be some compromises to adjust to some of the challenges.
Continuing with the challenges first though, the bathroom is across the living room and down a hall right outside the kids bedrooms. And very small as well. He tells me it will be my private bathroom, but still, a very awkward spot a foot from the kids bedrooms. Yes, two kids. You know I hate clothing and I'll need to be dressed going in and out which will be very inconvenience and definitely very bad if I have an emergency bathroom run, which does happen. Did I mention he has two kids in those two bedrooms, one being an eight year old girl, and I now have a need for several robes. Way too much clothing and nowhere to put it in the bathroom will require some installation of hooks and shelving I think. I may need to go outside to get to the garage, again, too much clothing, and did I mention that the living room is right off the front door so anyone entering or leaving the house will pass by my bedroom door and through that living room... door always closed in tiny room and no bathroom privacy.
Ok for a bedroom only, maybe, but not for a living-in bedroom with desk and so on.
I'll need a lot of air freshener for the bathroom too.
The good news is he is willing to share the space well, even said we can split the house into two living spaces, though with the kids bedrooms on my side of the house, that isn't actually feasible. If he does give me the front living room, will the kids be comfortable walking through my space to the kitchen and their bathroom which will be in his room on the other side of the house? Hopefully we will work through the awkwardness of that, but that may mean adopting a new family and do I really want that? Part of me says yes and part of me says no. People and family have been grave disappointments to me in this life and left me a relative pauper. Complications. He makes a good income, so it should not cost me more than rent.
He doesn't have any social life, having been married and raising kids after finishing school and then moving from Alabama to this area a few years ago because his job relocated him. Then he and his wife split which brings us to why he is looking for a renter/roommate. He is leasing the house, which is why he should be sharing and not playing landlord giving me just a room, so that part of his offer makes sense. The lease is up in six months and he spoke about how renewing or moving somewhere else will depend on how well we get along. I got the sense that he wanted a roommate and maybe even some friendship, emotional support, and possibly someone else around for the kids. My instinct could be wrong on that though. We shall see.
Anyway, there's lots of garage space and he said he was ok with my storing my stuff there. So if the bedroom is just be for sleeping and dressing and storing clothes and I somehow make the small bathroom a comfortable space and the writing and relaxing and TV watching activities happen mostly in the living room, the question will be is that too awkward for the kids and anyone coming into or leaving the house or going to the kitchen which is directly through the front living room. It's a single story house. Looking for positives.
Small room, small inconvenient bathroom, and clothing, alas.
Still, staying positive... clean. Safer neighborhood, I think. More space. Adequate kitchen space (though unimpressive appliances). I could get a deep freezer. Parking in the driveway. Garage space so I can stop paying for storage (save $140 a month). Apparently compatible and accommodating roommate. And he's willing to bring the rent down to $650. I might have pushed him to $600, but I didn't. Did I mention that the $650 includes all utilities, cable, and internet? Big selling point, no doubt. So I could be paying less than I am paying now and have a whole lot more - that alone should make it a no brainer, even if it's temporary.
So I'll take it if he offers it for $650 and figure out the compromises.
We talked so long I was running late for the dinner party. Add to that, the tire was almost flat when I got outside. I went looking for air and I stopped at 2 different 7-11s on the way to the party and they didn't have air. Finally found one that did and they charged $1.50 for 5 minutes and the tire would not fill. I went to the party with the tire really low and that's when I realized I was having a senior moment or something like that. Hey, apparently the excitement of possible finding a new space to live must have distracted me or something.
I stopped for drinks, forgetting supermarkets were closed so I looked for a store along the way because I was running late and it's not good for the drinks to be late. $32 at Walgreens later, I drove to the dinner party with the tire seriously low and the gate code didn't work. Calling the hostess didn't work. No answer, but then, someone drove up and I followed them in. The condo was dark. Oh no, did I have the wrong night? Checking my texts, I figured out the dinner party is tomorrow and today I was supposed to be at another friend's place at 2PM for another dinner. I texted and apologized and felt really stupid. Maybe I am senile.
No immediate response. I'd have headed over there f he responded and said come over. I texted several people, nobody responded. The potential new roommate texted asking for Jackson's number cuz I told him she was my reference if he or his wife wanted to talk to her. They are separated, but I can understand them both wanting reassurance about a strange man living with their eight year old daughter in really close awkward proximity at times. Jackson didn't respond for a while so I drove around slightly moping looking for food.
Nothing but fast food was open. At least Wawa had free air and a pump that worked.
Anyway, after realizing I wouldn't have dinner or anybody around tonight, I stopped moping, accepted my usual state of aloneness, and saw Target was open so I stopped for foods. They didn't have the ice cream I wanted so I went to see if Walmart was open and is was. When I got back here, Eb was eating something out of a bowl in his underwear three feet from the 60 inch TV and the kitchen was it's usual mess, but I cleaned enough to heat up frozen foods in the microwave and oven and had a feast. A decadent, irresponsible, delicious feast. Two different pizzas (Digiorgio think crust pepperoni and a thin crush mushroom alfredo), eggplant Parmesan and all three with a lot of with extra cheeses (five cheese bland and mozzarella provolone bland), cashew milk chocolate truffle ice cream, chocolate milk with extra chocolate syrup. A ridiculous amount of calories for the day before a big dinner party.
Getting back here, the potential new place seems better than ever in spite of the lack of privacy and clothing. Yuck, clothing. Compromise. Save money. Buy a house. Win the lottery. Rob a bank. Dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. Find true love. Share the dream.
Is life changing?
Hope the tire isn't flat in the morning.
Was this better?
Narf :)
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
No Interest, Still Sharing
This is what I do. I put the words online hoping someone will care to read and maybe find someone worth in the words and maybe share some positivity. Ultimately (or at least firstly) though, I write to myself. And the one who wants to read, whomever she (or he) might be. I laugh as ego goes off in hopes that millions will want to read and cheer as they feel wonder and excitement and all the good feelings that words can inspire. But I don’t really believe I have that sort of gift with words. I’d like to think I amuse at least a few people as much as I amuse myself sometimes.
If that's possible.
I've said it before in so many ways and here I will say it again... writing has maintained my sanity in this cruel in crazy world where confusion and fear dominate. Writing is my way of staying in touch with myself and understanding when I am feeling. Especially when I am feeling sad or lonely or both, writing gives me a way of feeling less alone. Partly because once the words are readable they are as if someone else writing who is sharing with me. Partly because once the words are out here there is hope that someone outside my head will share with me. I smile as I think of someone who might understand this.
Jackson forwarded me an email she got at work earlier today and I just found it in my email and I wish I could cheer her in person about it. She is a therapist at a local university and at this university, like at many, they send surveys to students graduating asking them various questions about how the university affected their lives. One of the questions that is often not answered because it can be very personal asks the student to name a specific person who affected them and made their life better. Four students named my friend and little sister Jackson. That’s pretty astounding.
So I am beaming with pride and admiration for her recognition as the person I see her as. When she follows through on her intentions, her caring is so genuine that it does affect people in amazing ways. If only she remembered that when she feels less than confident.
Of course I should be sleeping, but once again I lay here well past midnight (well past 4 AM, even) after playing the video game on the phone for couple of hours after sitting in writing for a couple of hours with the TV on and has a distraction. Pinky in the Brain, the Animaniacs, Family Guy, those with my friends tonight. The TV plays in the background as I write just to keep myself company and think and this sometimes give me a little inspiration and humor or the occasional serious thought. The best serious thought is questioned by humor. Cushioned by humor too.
At least this is a short week. Tomorrow I may leave work a little early and start the four day weekend off with a good nights sleep LOL. More likely I’ll drink another cup of coffee and be buzzing again. Last two days I’ve had 2 cups of coffee. Those are the first 2 cups in a long long time.
Yeas, actually now that I think about it more seriously, the past two days I had 2 cups of coffee which or two more cups of coffee that I’ve had in at least a couple of months. Maybe I had one in the past couple of months. Maybe. I don’t consume any caffeine other than some chocolate these days. These days. And most of the chocolate is in the light protein drinks I drink. The change in diet this year has been very effective on many levels, especially my health. Increased exercise is helping, however much more increase in exercise would be much much better. I hope to get to that next day after I get a good night's sleep. I keep saying that like it's going to happen. LOL. Yeah I should not be laughing but I’m in a good mood.
I am usually in a good mood when I’m writing even when I’m not laughing or showing it overtly. The writing itself puts me in a good mood most of the time. My sense of humor can be very subtle I suppose, which is why most people don’t seem to get me. It’s been that way since I was very young.
Yes, there’s much to be said about language of love.
So anyway, there must be three or 400 entries piling up in these emails. They are almost 20 emails, most longer than this one, that I have not even opened no less cut and pasted into a file. Even more than that amount that I already I have cut and pasted into a file that I have not yet edited them uploaded.
So many words, so little time.
And less interest.
Narf :)
If that's possible.
I've said it before in so many ways and here I will say it again... writing has maintained my sanity in this cruel in crazy world where confusion and fear dominate. Writing is my way of staying in touch with myself and understanding when I am feeling. Especially when I am feeling sad or lonely or both, writing gives me a way of feeling less alone. Partly because once the words are readable they are as if someone else writing who is sharing with me. Partly because once the words are out here there is hope that someone outside my head will share with me. I smile as I think of someone who might understand this.
Jackson forwarded me an email she got at work earlier today and I just found it in my email and I wish I could cheer her in person about it. She is a therapist at a local university and at this university, like at many, they send surveys to students graduating asking them various questions about how the university affected their lives. One of the questions that is often not answered because it can be very personal asks the student to name a specific person who affected them and made their life better. Four students named my friend and little sister Jackson. That’s pretty astounding.
So I am beaming with pride and admiration for her recognition as the person I see her as. When she follows through on her intentions, her caring is so genuine that it does affect people in amazing ways. If only she remembered that when she feels less than confident.
Of course I should be sleeping, but once again I lay here well past midnight (well past 4 AM, even) after playing the video game on the phone for couple of hours after sitting in writing for a couple of hours with the TV on and has a distraction. Pinky in the Brain, the Animaniacs, Family Guy, those with my friends tonight. The TV plays in the background as I write just to keep myself company and think and this sometimes give me a little inspiration and humor or the occasional serious thought. The best serious thought is questioned by humor. Cushioned by humor too.
At least this is a short week. Tomorrow I may leave work a little early and start the four day weekend off with a good nights sleep LOL. More likely I’ll drink another cup of coffee and be buzzing again. Last two days I’ve had 2 cups of coffee. Those are the first 2 cups in a long long time.
Yeas, actually now that I think about it more seriously, the past two days I had 2 cups of coffee which or two more cups of coffee that I’ve had in at least a couple of months. Maybe I had one in the past couple of months. Maybe. I don’t consume any caffeine other than some chocolate these days. These days. And most of the chocolate is in the light protein drinks I drink. The change in diet this year has been very effective on many levels, especially my health. Increased exercise is helping, however much more increase in exercise would be much much better. I hope to get to that next day after I get a good night's sleep. I keep saying that like it's going to happen. LOL. Yeah I should not be laughing but I’m in a good mood.
I am usually in a good mood when I’m writing even when I’m not laughing or showing it overtly. The writing itself puts me in a good mood most of the time. My sense of humor can be very subtle I suppose, which is why most people don’t seem to get me. It’s been that way since I was very young.
Yes, there’s much to be said about language of love.
So anyway, there must be three or 400 entries piling up in these emails. They are almost 20 emails, most longer than this one, that I have not even opened no less cut and pasted into a file. Even more than that amount that I already I have cut and pasted into a file that I have not yet edited them uploaded.
So many words, so little time.
And less interest.
Narf :)
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Profound Design (Or Random)
Ah yes, the old profound random design ploy, very interesting. I may mean something, or the shtooping could be random. Don't bend over, just in case. Also, don't stand up too quickly, in case of dizziness. The magic could be unfinished (like last time), or it could be a blast from the past that was all but forgotten and still remains random and to the masses, uncertain as to the obvious relativity of the potential meanings, parameters, or, um, ramifications... like an arbitrary holiday that is widely accepted as truth and normal by those same masses just because the bigger picture is rarely explored by their consciousness, especially not by the mass collective consciousness, so if it is touched upon by an individual, that individual must be careful not to upset anyone afraid of leaving the collective consciousness for a new perspective, which is most people, like those who believe such limited perspective design is intelligent.
If you are offended or in any way triggered to defensive thoughts, you might believe that last paragraph was specifically designed to do that to you and sadly, you will miss the point, again.
Or perhaps a paragraph that begins with conjunction offend you. Everyone always (perhaps superlatives are your particularity?) seems (or is that appears? {pause} and do you know the difference?) to be offended by something, so what's your trigger? Some people make a game of finding those, ya know? Enjoy it even. I've always felt that it is best to have no triggers even though I have some when I am not paying attention to the fact that we don't have to have any if we remain completely consciously aware of everything at all times. Most people have no clue and believe some ridiculous idea about how safe and secure and comfortable they can be in their lives when the truth is they are meaningless, relatively microscopic cogs in a wheel way beyond their perception to realize even if they cared or had the courage to see the bigger pictures beyond their selfish immediate space and time. But then again, what is truth?
For instance, if you go here then you might believe that you turned off the part of Google that records your search history and maybe you did, but that still doesn't stop Google (or Facebook or your phone or internet provider or... text much?... fill in your media choice) from recording your search history and providing you with ads that are based on your searches. Perhaps you don't notice them or maybe you ignore them well as I do, but I notice. There is no privacy on the internet because it privacy cuts into profits. You really think you get to search for anything or use all of Facebook and other websites that take millions of work-hours by highly trained and well-paid technical workers to create and maintain for free? Get real. The privacy policies and terms of service you rarely read specifically give away most of your rights to privacy.
Anonymous comments could be a trigger for some, especially for those seeking more than an explanation of random SPAM. For instance, when comments have no links in them, would they be defined as SPAM? How about when they appear on blog entries without readers? Would hat be poor targeting, deliberately random, or randomly random? We can ask why random comments would appear on two or three year old obscure blog entries that maybe have been read by one or two people beyond the writer. Random comment bot action? Anyway, this blog entry is as it is and each reader can make of it what individual choice an individual may make.
The TV may be of some influence as listen to and I glance up at the screen to see Blindspot and now starting, Europa Report, this entry may be as precisely profoundly designed as any, or... more or less. With Eb walking in the door and now adding some rambling news report he is listening to on his phone precisely during the beginning of this paragraph as the show ended and the movie began, the distractions may be moving more toward random... or profoundly designed by universal forces beyond my control. Anything is possible and as long as we remember that, anything can make sense and anything can be true.
We do love our mysteries. Some more than others. Some love mysteries for the power they might gain by controlling the journey toward solving the mysteries while others love mysteries for other reasons. Some fear mysteries so much they panic aggressively at the thought that there may be no explanation we can grasp with our current state of consciousness. The latter folk usually seek concrete explanations they call truths that are actually created from thin air. Or thick bullshit (ok, muddy delusion, bullshit is actually inaccurate, but could be emotionally satisfying at times for those who are triggered by repressive delusions... who me?). Perhaps the reaction to call bullshit can be triggered because they even kill to defend their truths as if other ideas are such a threat people must be put must be put to death for just thinking them.
But then, let us now consider that if you believe there is life beyond our planet because your education and experience make that statistically likely, are you then, by definition, delusional. Then, shall you endeavor to create some sort of scientific statistical measurement of delusions in order to justify choosing your delusion over all other delusions?
I think I'll watch Pinky and the Brain now and press publish.
Narf :)
If you are offended or in any way triggered to defensive thoughts, you might believe that last paragraph was specifically designed to do that to you and sadly, you will miss the point, again.
Or perhaps a paragraph that begins with conjunction offend you. Everyone always (perhaps superlatives are your particularity?) seems (or is that appears? {pause} and do you know the difference?) to be offended by something, so what's your trigger? Some people make a game of finding those, ya know? Enjoy it even. I've always felt that it is best to have no triggers even though I have some when I am not paying attention to the fact that we don't have to have any if we remain completely consciously aware of everything at all times. Most people have no clue and believe some ridiculous idea about how safe and secure and comfortable they can be in their lives when the truth is they are meaningless, relatively microscopic cogs in a wheel way beyond their perception to realize even if they cared or had the courage to see the bigger pictures beyond their selfish immediate space and time. But then again, what is truth?
For instance, if you go here then you might believe that you turned off the part of Google that records your search history and maybe you did, but that still doesn't stop Google (or Facebook or your phone or internet provider or... text much?... fill in your media choice) from recording your search history and providing you with ads that are based on your searches. Perhaps you don't notice them or maybe you ignore them well as I do, but I notice. There is no privacy on the internet because it privacy cuts into profits. You really think you get to search for anything or use all of Facebook and other websites that take millions of work-hours by highly trained and well-paid technical workers to create and maintain for free? Get real. The privacy policies and terms of service you rarely read specifically give away most of your rights to privacy.
Anonymous comments could be a trigger for some, especially for those seeking more than an explanation of random SPAM. For instance, when comments have no links in them, would they be defined as SPAM? How about when they appear on blog entries without readers? Would hat be poor targeting, deliberately random, or randomly random? We can ask why random comments would appear on two or three year old obscure blog entries that maybe have been read by one or two people beyond the writer. Random comment bot action? Anyway, this blog entry is as it is and each reader can make of it what individual choice an individual may make.
The TV may be of some influence as listen to and I glance up at the screen to see Blindspot and now starting, Europa Report, this entry may be as precisely profoundly designed as any, or... more or less. With Eb walking in the door and now adding some rambling news report he is listening to on his phone precisely during the beginning of this paragraph as the show ended and the movie began, the distractions may be moving more toward random... or profoundly designed by universal forces beyond my control. Anything is possible and as long as we remember that, anything can make sense and anything can be true.
We do love our mysteries. Some more than others. Some love mysteries for the power they might gain by controlling the journey toward solving the mysteries while others love mysteries for other reasons. Some fear mysteries so much they panic aggressively at the thought that there may be no explanation we can grasp with our current state of consciousness. The latter folk usually seek concrete explanations they call truths that are actually created from thin air. Or thick bullshit (ok, muddy delusion, bullshit is actually inaccurate, but could be emotionally satisfying at times for those who are triggered by repressive delusions... who me?). Perhaps the reaction to call bullshit can be triggered because they even kill to defend their truths as if other ideas are such a threat people must be put must be put to death for just thinking them.
But then, let us now consider that if you believe there is life beyond our planet because your education and experience make that statistically likely, are you then, by definition, delusional. Then, shall you endeavor to create some sort of scientific statistical measurement of delusions in order to justify choosing your delusion over all other delusions?
I think I'll watch Pinky and the Brain now and press publish.
Narf :)
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