Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year, Rebel Child

Well, not that actually intended to do it, but the "hair of the dog" worked as the carb hangover was gone after I made and ate even more pasta yesterday and then went out to buy (spend money, slap hand) chips and chocolate and ate most of a bag of Doritos and three boxes of chocolate (malted milk balls, crunch, and non-parels), so today I am more bloated than ever and not in any mood to move or go out or do anything. What New Year's Eve?

I was up all night, again, watching internet TV. I started Mars and wanted to watch all six episodes. It was not bad, though I really am tired of the stupidity of humanity and would like to change my perception as I see it in everything too much and really would like my optimism to come back more.

I woke noon-ish and babbled since. If I had an accurate T-Shirt to wear to express what is going on inside of me at the moment, it would read:

Catharsis In Process.

Let's see. The previous entry is the likely culprit as I ventured into the links on the right over there (glancing right on this page) and decided it was time to update one of the pages which lead to updating all of the pages (I think) which lead to thinking and pondering and analyzing and contemplation, and that, as it often does, introspective babble full of distractions and the usual suspects. I think I am starting to be ready to maybe come to terms with the reality of my relationships in this life and accept the sad reality of losing both of the closest friends I thought were family. I am not sure if I avoided all the grieving stages and just started working on acceptance (logic says that is impossible, so maybe I learned to repress... finally human after all these years... which may be why I am so unhappy with my perspective of humanity... who'd have thought that I'd be sad after decades of trying to be human to fit in... sigh... laugh... sigh).

Actually, this previous entry may have been the previous entry I was referring to in the previous paragraph so there may be a nevermind appropriate for this babble, but we'll just plod ahead and hope you care enough to ask for clarification if you are confused. If you are not confused, you obviously are filling in the blanks yourself and probably did not click on the links or read it all. Be that as it may be, it could have been this previous entry just as well.

So here we are, lethargic and uninspired in body, buzzing but in no mood for doing anything other than self-indulgent babble in mind. And there are parties tonight, as usual.

Curly texted me late yesterday to let me know he was having a party. I suppose The Commodore mentioned to him that I am not on Facebook these days - or perhaps he thought of that himself. Or perhaps he just continued doing what he's been doing which is to not want to hang out with me as he continues to put space between us. We used to text and talk almost daily, now, rarely. I don't recall the last time he called and he doesn't include me in group card night texts anymore. It started over the summer and I might have a few texts from him since September when he have me the ultimatum to pay $900 a month or move out of the unfinished storage apartment where he let me stay. I went from brother and assistant lawn care maintenance guy to evicted tenant to occasional friend almost overnight.

Anyway, I am not in the mood for a party so I probably won't go there. Especially since I was invited to other parties weeks ago and I told those people I would go. I spoke with Lonewolf and Venisa about getting together and heading to Harpo's as he will be staying home with his mom. Not much in the mood for that either, but I texted Lonewolf to see what they are up to. There is another party at Glinda's that Harpo told me about as well. Apparently I am invited on Facebook. Apparently nobody read my last Facebook post that said I don't want to be on Facebook so call or text if you want to reach me. Apparently I am tired of the lack of real communication and caring that Facebook and texting has lead people into. Apparently few others are as tired of it as I am.

I may have written this elsewhere (in which case I apologize for typing their instead of they're, in case bugs you), but I seriously I doubt anyone who calls me friend in the "real world" could give accurate answers to these questions with any real meaning or depth. Unless they're psychic. The answers are in all of my blogs, often linked on sidebars for easy reference, and have been for many years. Who cares, really?

Not wanting to go out for financial reasons, as going to parties empty handed is so not fun for me - but then, many people do it so I could get over that displeasure, maybe. Getting in the mood to overlook the commonly accepted superficiality and pretense of friends in our culture is a bit of a snag at the moment. Perhaps I'll shower and reassess the situation. My fingers and toes are actually cold (it was 46 degrees last night and it never did warm up in this space even though it got up to 72 degrees today). I did text Lonewolf as he and Venisa are to of the most real people I know, so perhaps there is some hope for the social me after all.

The text said something like this:

I'm sitting here laughing as I am not in a party mood and wondering if my smile is because I am pleasing the rebel child in me who is happiest when doing the opposite of what the world expects. Are you guys doing anything tonight?


There is, of course, the general blah and bloat I ate myself into the past few days. And I really want to write more too. We shall see what shall be when it becomes what it is.

Any ideas?

Narf. :)

43 comments:

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candoor said...

So many Anonymouses, so little time... This is blogger.com or blogspot.com or google.com for that matter in case is matters :)

Introduce yourself (or selves), why dontacha? lol :)

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candoor said...

Fascinating, it almost seems like an advertisement for K-Cups or coffee translated from another language by a translator who might have missed the word economies. At least there is no mention of meddling in elections, email scandals, or fake news. Perhaps there is one collective anonymous corrupting the corrupted corruption by randomly leaving random comments on random blogs for random reasons with confidence certainty. Chocolate fudge latte with hints of vanilla, grande, s'il vous plait.

candoor said...

Even if it's SPAM, I respond publish the comment (as long as there's no suspicious link in it) and I answer because someone may have the same question and I have an answer someone might find helpful. So browser compatibility problems, aye? Well, funny you should ask, but I recently switched back to Firefox from Chrome (I like Chrome, but it is a serious memory hog and this laptop has very limited memory. Netscape has tested as the lowest memory hog, hence the change) and the WingDings font still does not show up properly on the Back Door landing page so all the smiley faces are the letter J, which inspires my smile, but you cant see that.

To fix compatibility issues, you need to know code. Look up "HTML code for compatibility" and you should find a wealth of information. Make your search more specific if you can.

I hope you find what you are looking for. :)

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It's a standard Blogger design, but then maybe you have never wandered blogger to explore the designs you can create and modify here. Of course you could be an auto-posting bot, but then, whatever would your creator get out of that? Someday, AI, perhaps. Do you interact? :)

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candoor said...

Thanks, whomever (or whatever) you might be. If you're an auto-bot or am AI program, it's good to know typos happen to you too.

So what's your story?

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candoor said...

I wonder why this entry has so many odd and anonymous comments. Asking the Anonymous commenters to explain has not provided an answer. If a SPAM-bot, why target an old entry like this with random general praise (and no linkage... unless the linkage is hidden in code and nefariously taking over this laptop... disappointing, aye? lol). Maybe the code is just set up to always respond and have the last word.

Anyway, thank you again. Make today fun!

Narf too :)

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candoor said...

Anonymous messages always lead me to wonder if they are SPAM. Especially when they make no sense or when they ask for something that is illogical. I occasionally spend a little time publishing them anyway as long as they don't have links to pages I'd rather not have linked in my comments. I rarely email these days, weeks can go by without my opening the google email site and I have not even configured Outlook for my email in a few years. I used to email a lot, like many people a day, and published pen-pal magazines before the internet became the way to communicate, but people fell out of touch and it appears interest has waned in communicating with me. Anyway, thanks again for the comment and I hope life is fun in your world, especially if you are real. AI is real too, in case you are IA. Oh and if I did email, shooting an email to you would require your email address, ya know? Make life fun. :)

candoor said...

Blogger comment threading really sucks, especially when I don't check them for a month or few and I am trying to respond to individual comments. Maybe that's why people don't use them to communicate much. Maybe my not responding (or publishing) for months has that effect too. Anyway, the last comment was in response to the June 22 comment with praise and a request for an email. This comment is in response to the June 26 comment and it (my response) goes like this:

I think I forgot with I was arguing, but thanks.

Narf :)

candoor said...

To the other comment from June 26, I am happy your group is happy with this entry. I'd like to know why, and who you are. Cuz I'm a curious child, ya know? I hope you elaborate more if you return to read this reply to your comment, if you find it, if you are interested, if you are actually real. Surprise me, be real. :)

candoor said...

And then, on July first, Anonymous raise this post. I enjoy playing with words and communicating, even when communicating is mostly illusion or pure fantasy, so I make time. Now and then. It's an inexpensive hobby.

I have a shirt that reads:

Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow!

So anyway, make time to do what you love, whomever you may be. :)

candoor said...

So many people named Anonymous in this world, it's a wonder we can tell any of you apart. Is it an identity crisis?

On July 4th, more awesomeness. Colleagues, aye? What experience(s) are you looking for and how can I help you find them?

Stay awesome. :)

candoor said...

Then, on July 10th, Anonymous wrote... You could definitely see your skills within the work you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

I'z gots skillz! Thanks. I do share my beliefs and heart, though I don't always follow either. Sometimes I follow my taste buds. Emotional eating, ya know? Got any chocolate?

I appreciate the attention. :)

candoor said...

To July 26th Anonymous, thanks. The look is just a Blogger template. The content is just a mind dump. I am very happy you found both pleasing. Feel free to introduce yourself to all the other Anonymouses. We should all get together and wear name tags, kind of like the Monty Python party of Bruces.

Hope we all have fun! :)

Narf :)

candoor said...

Yes, July 30th Anonymous, writing is fun and for me at least, it always feels better afterward, even when it starts out joyous and all sorts of good frolicky. There is bad frolicky, you know, must watch out for those.

Absurdity is my haven, calling card of the insane, or genius, depending on perspective. Perspective is everything, you know?

Joy to the world, even!

Narf :)

candoor said...

August 1st, another Anonymous subscriber. I have no clue where my feed is or how to use it or see who's subscribed, but hey, do I need to know? I don't know, you can fill me in on the details. Maybe irreverence is more of my haven than absurdity, or calling card, or whatever it means. Just remember this...

It's a wonderful life is not just a movie!

Narf too! :)

candoor said...

Hi August 10th Anonymous, thanks. Didn't Delicious close a year or two ago? Check your message texts, they may be outdated. If you're following up on them, that is. Share at will, even when my patience wears thin, I love the attention, real and imaginary.

candoor said...

Hi August 16th Anonymous, see my response from 2:50 above this one. Good luck blogging, :)

candoor said...

August 18th Anon, who or what is Sword lily? I've seen this comment before, exact words, which takes all the fun out of pretending you are real. Get a better script, aye?

I look forward to future Anonymous creativity, when I have the time.

Soon, I hope, cuz this is a sad way to end a wonderful discussion. :)

Narf :)

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candoor said...

August 31 Anonymous, I think you need a better translator. Correspondence? Test messages. I don't think either of us could handle much more :)

candoor said...

Anon 9/2, I didn't know I had an article on AOL. I didn't know there still was an AOL. I must be AWOL from AOL. Yeah, so anyway, hese comments give me the opportunity to play with words and imagine people are actually reading, whomever or whatever you may be.

What's your problem? :)

candoor said...

Anon 9/10, quote me all you like. I doubt you will because I doubt you are a real person, or even an intelligent AI, but I'd be happy to be proven wrong. I do prefer seeing a link to wherever I am quoted, if on;y as an ego stroke. Friends? You're welcome :)

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candoor said...

I watched Mary Poppins last night for the umpteenth time. Umpteenth, in this case, is more than a few hundred. At least. I cried again. I love movies. Thanks for no link, but why not introduce yourself instead of just advertising?

Hope you smile more than you frown in your life. :)

Google says:

J'ai regardé Mary Poppins hier soir pour la énième fois. Le centième, dans ce cas, est plus que quelques centaines. Au moins. J'ai pleuré à nouveau. J'aime les films. Merci de ne pas créer de lien, mais pourquoi ne pas vous présenter plutôt que de faire de la publicité?

J'espère que vous souriez plus que vous froncez les sourcils dans votre vie. :)

I once might have been able to do that myself. I did get a 93 (A) on the French regents (statewide test) in high school. I've forgotten so much more than I've ever known... life is like that. :)

I welcome you to come over and challenge me to learn again. :)

Or something like...

Une fois, j'aurais peut-être pu le faire moi-même. J'ai eu un 93 (A) sur les régents français (test à l'échelle de l'État) au lycée. J'ai oublié tellement plus que je n'ai jamais su… la vie est comme ça. :)

Je vous invite à venir et à me mettre au défi d'apprendre à nouveau. :)

May you dance in your dreams and dream in your dance :)


candoor said...

Hey, 23 (23rd), we had a full deck a moment ago, so the rest of us must be jokers. Tanks for the praise, maybe you'll introduce yourself.

Come out and dance :)