Once again I am not sleeping. The goal of getting to the gym today did not happen again tonight, or last night now that morning approaches. I didn’t have a change of clothes and didn’t feel like going here and back. So I said to myself I’ll take a change of clothes tomorrow. But here I am middle of the night and if I’m lucky I’ll get four hours sleep and more caffeine tomorrow. I’ve started drinking coffee again. That’s not good for the work out. This is all in my head of course. Bad cycle.
At least I’ve cut back on calories seriously the past three days. I’ll need to do it for at least two weeks to get back into the 170s I think. We shall see. I might get on the scale tomorrow morning. Or even sooner.
I used to come here to babble on until I got to the bottom line, some profound understanding of the human condition, or at least my condition. Instead, I sit here under an electric blanket with four layers of clothes, a heavy robe, and gloves on wondering just why I let myself slide into this near homeless state once again. Part of me still hears a voice in my head saying if nobody else cares what happens to me, why should I? and the validity in that thought is what's the point of living without sharing.
The no partner blues sing out again.
Still, there is just as much (if not more) validity in he logic that not caring is a self-fulfilling prophesy loop. If nobody cares, why should I can be flipped to if I don't care, why should anybody else?. Somebody must start the caring cycle and welcome to my world where I just keep going (never give up, never surrender) beating the drums (or heartbeats) of caring like the energizer bunny.
Even if nobody else ever does, at least I did.
Promises were made, after all.
Narf :)
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