So last night I played MS Solitaire all night. Yes, many hours. I listened to Star Talk in the background as I played game after game instead of writing or sleeping or exercising or communicating or showering or dancing with the devil or anybody or anything else. My only break was a 5am dose of spaghetti, yes dose as the carb-fat-salt mixture was more of a drug than food. I fell asleep shortly after consuming the last of the almost pound of spaghetti I made last night as comfort food after the colonoscopy. In the absence of a Nurse (or friend who cares to nurse me when I want nursing... or mother or cuddler or any comfortable closeness from another living being), there is comfort food.
So I slept in instead of waking (or staying awake as I used to do when this body was young, which was as recently as last year... is getting old a choice?) and going to play some softball with the seniors pick up game (I do seem to avoid the seniors and I believe that is mostly because they are so old that they depress me, but that is mostly perspective as they could, if I chose a more positive perspective, just as easily inspire me because some are a lot older than me as still playing ball, however feebly... I think it is the feebly part that I avoid... I am too competitive on the field, even in my social just for fun stage of my sporting life that I have been cultivating for several years now).
Here we are.
I believe the hangover feeling is primarily due to not sleeping and over-carbing. I fell asleep for several hours yesterday evening. The night before I only slept about three or four hours. The past couple of weeks I've only had a couple of night where I slept more than five hours. I'd say I averaged closer to four hours a night. That was the pattern during prior working periods in this life, but it does not bode well for this current working period. I believe the body and the mind will both require a higher average nightly sleep time during this decade of this life. Whether I can maintain anything close to eight hours is to be seen, but I definitely find the mind and eyes and the overall working experiencing somewhat more cloudy or foggy when I get just four hours sleep.
I started an entry yesterday either just before or just after I started the bowel purge. It started out quite clever and amusing. I lost interest rather quickly and quite suddenly (as opposed to just quickly and suddenly) and I do not feel like sitting and writing today. The body is tired. Slightly achy. Uncomfortable. Not just the anal area, but the core and shoulders are fatigued. Weird. I do feel dehydrated, so I am pouring water into the mouth. The physical state feeling is likely the accumulation of lack of sleep, the overdose of carbs, and the after-effects of the anesthesia medication and fasting for two days.
Also loneliness and general grumpiness that sometimes accompanies loneliness at this current stage of life. It is still very much a wonderful life, but I still want to share the intimacies of unconditional trust as well as sharing the simple daily life (as if you did not know that since all these words is the proof of those very desires), so some days I am grumpy about the solitude (while still treasuring it). Today is one of those days. Only the one or family would be welcome today. I need to find a replacement for Jackson, since I have no family close now and the search for the one continues to be as fruitless as a plastic xmas tree.
I notice today that this place, The Maharaja's "Pad" as he calls it, is a closed environment. Windows never open. The patio door is broken so it does not open. The front door has no screen door, so leaving it open is leaving the front door open (not wise unless sitting in the entry area). There is no comfortable seating there or anywhere, actually. The front living room has one chair, a old plastic non-reclining desk chair, and a few small old pillows. Floor sitting, like in other countries or the 1960s, which is cool as I laid out my 1990's home that way - but I had dozens of pillows of all shapes and sizes while here there is just a few small old pillows. The back living room has an old futon. That's it. Since I've been here, now starting the fourth month, there has been one visitor (a one night couch surfer). The Maharaja is rarely home, leaving shortly after waking and returning 15-18 hours later just to head into his room. We talk before he leaves and when he gets home if I am awake and the conversation is friendly and caring, but this house is not used for much more than storage and sleeping. Cleanliness has improved a lot as I use and clean the kitchen and bathroom regularly and he tells me he approeciates that. Comfort, fresh air, and socialization are lacking. It is a stopping off point, a place to visit for a while, but not a home. I believe he wants it this way as it suits him. He is on couch-surfing networks and has had visitors from all over the world who have slept in the bed I am using (or in the other bedroom which is his rarely used office - storage room where there is a twin foam mattress on the floor).
So I wandered around to try to remedy the closed-in cooped-up environment and now, I sit in the living room chair a few feet from the front door. I opened the front door and the side door off the kitchen and placed two large boxes (one from his neighbor's 50 inch TV and one from my bedroom desk chair) in front of them to block any critter access (neighbors cats have visited the two times we've had doors open before) and I am enjoying fresh air on this beautiful day. If I was to stay here more permanently, the next step would be to get a more comfortable living room chair and a comfortable outdoor chair as he has a carport, a side porch, and a backyard. The only use any of that space gets is storage and parking his car in the carport.
This light Leveno 100S coupled with the lightweight fan "table" under it (they fit perfectly... did I by it or did Jackson buy it for me?) is perfect for moving around, though I must use a different file and file system as I have the default "Save" going to one of my external drives and I unplugged the USB port (into which two external drives and other things are plugged), but for writing this is great. I'd need the mouse and more comforts for for more permanent greatness... still, the fresh air is wonderful.
The delight of fresh air and a different writing space wears off quickly when the chair is uncomfortable and the desire for sharing more is strong as it is today.
So I napped.
Excel woke me with a text letting me know they were going to Curly's place for cards and so I woke up and am heading over there.
More later, narf :)
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