I shall cheat by repeating words from letters to J when they summarize life as this blog is meant to do. I have not made time for any web browsing since starting the new job, so there are no comments or other positings to steal from. There is simply a bottleneck in the brain and I am very thankful J is corresponding because that helps keep words flowing.
So there is not much time for me and the blogs show it. I've taken to babbling only as there is not enough time to feel organized for brevity in my head these days (in case it matters... and if it does matter and only read the briefer daily blog, you found me here and I appreciate that).
I helped Helen with yard work today and tomorrow I'll be helping the softball league try to get new players. Monday through Friday is 16-18 hour days, busy busy bisy (except for Wednesday which I reserve for sleeping 10+ hours cuz I'd really like this body to survive a little while longer in this life).
Helping Helen with yard work today, I realized for the umpteenth time that I am not normal. She seemed surprised I had no problem loading and unloading more than a dozen big bags of mulch. I guess people my age are not suppose to be doing that lol. I didn't think twice about it. She cleaned and refilled a couple of bird feeders she has in her yard.
Still, I must make more time for sleep. Maybe two card nights a week is going to cut down to one some weeks. My intention to stop before midnight didn't happen either night this week. Thursday night Excel's son was in a car accident after 11pm and we all went out to help. I didn't get home until after 2am. He and his girlfriend are ok. I put him on the phone with the sponsor of my Sunday softball team who is a personal injury lawyer with the biggest firm in the area so he could have a resources for questions. His car may be totaled and he was sitting at a red light and hit from behind hard enough to push him into the car in front of him
I've already cut my softball down to one night a week and I am not liking that. Friday nights without softball seem quite wrong these days. I must not let that become negative and appreciate the me time it could be. I just have been into conforming a lot more than I usually do and feeling the loneliness and conditioned by our culture to think of Friday and Saturday nights as social nights and in my current life schedule they are more solitary resting nights because I get so little time for myself I am torn between socializing and me-time.
So this weekend I gave myself me-time in the evenings.
Maybe a bit too much TV time as TV time is great distraction time, but me-time is letting the worlds flow and eating healthy and exercising and long hot showers and so on. I am not accomplishing much of any of that lately. So this may very well be a bit of a reprimand for me to remind me that I am a much happier camper when I take care of me better. Lose weight, exercise more, eat fewer calories, write more, breath deeper, remember to be in the moment and keep open to everything.
A bunch of entries were uploaded into this babbling blog tonight. Mostly blah blah blah babbling as opposed to profound revelation babbling, but hey, someday the editors and publishers will cull the best of the babble and the genius shall shine through. Maybe in a few hundred years. Or on another planet. If we survive as a species long enough to evolve beyond our fears. And if blogspot servers are still available to the public. One of these days I ought to print out all of my online writings for posterity, I mean, just in case the internet crashes and can't be recovered someday. So many ifs, aye?
I am laughing at my mockery of everything I think. Especially ay my own over-bloan sense of importance. Kind of like the characters in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy if you know what I mean.
I forgot about the colonoscopy until J and Helen asked. They won't be happy with me at the hospital, but I'm going to show up for the tests and let them know I will be picked up. Helen said she would do it. I think it's a scam that they want to do general anesthetic (so they can charge more - that is what is wrong with American medicine).
If it was not free I would be shopping around for a doctor that respected a patient's wishes instead of treating the patient with no respect. I want a local so I can see the screen as they do the procedure. The last one I had done at another hospital did it that way and I could drive myself there and home. It's not like they are monitoring my dropping iron levels or actually monitoring my health. He didn't order new blood tests so we shall see if they do it this time.
I am still grateful for the free service though.
Jackson and Brandi went to see Billy Joel a few nights ago and she sent me a couple of videos. She mentioned that she is bored living far away from the city in a rather rural area. I know she prefers a city or town-center life. I hope she finds a balance and does not repeat the self-destructive habits that have undermined and ended every close relationship she's ever had. I am here to help in any way I can, but she apparently is fine and does not need anything from me. At least I hope so. I'd be quite sad if she was in need in any way and did not consider me someone she could turn to. It would lend credence to the voice that says she just used me for convenience all those years. After all, I am not family, really, in her mind and I know she does not want to depend on me for anything. Not great for my self-esteem, but whatever.
She seems ok with the distance that has grown between us. Maybe she knows I know her too well and does not want to be cared about as I care or asked how she is as she tends to hide things from herself. We text a few times a week and then she suddenly sends me a "nite nite love ya" text as if we're still close. She may forget that she told me to stop those daily rituals. Maybe she misses me from time to time and wants to be sure I am still here for her. She texted a few times today and played Words with Friends when Brandi was taking a nap.
The Maharaja asks about the job search, but has not brought up formally being roommates, rent, or moving out even though I've brought it up a few times and he sad we'll talk about it. I am guessing that he prefers it non-committal. He seems very solitary in his life and ways.
So life is still kind of on hold in many ways. At least there is income (though I have not seen a check yet and they said they pay every Friday so I should have had one day of pay on Friday... I'll see if they remember that this week), however minimal it may be.
I'll leave a work summary for another entry cuz I want to move a bit. Sitting at a computer for 10-12 hours a day at the office leaves the body with less tolerance for sitting for long periods at home. The babbler frowns and demands equal time. I laugh.
I hope this babbling finds you well and smiling. If I can do anything to inspire a bigger smile, please do let me know.
Narf :)
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