So maybe it is the lonelies that lead me back to Diaryland again, but for what it's worh and for those of you still caring about the hopes and dreams buried somewhere deep in this old heart of mine, this guy inspired this comment:
The lonelies are visiting me more often recently, at least on a conscious level. They've been pounding my subconscious for many years, but the daily life is so busy with enjoyable work and fun social activities, the consciousness is easily fooled into believing I am not alone. I wish. I even have an ever present roommate when I return to where I sleep, though he is not compatible for me to be close to in so many ways. This is far from home. My lifelong quest for 'the one' has been on a shelf for a long time now, more than it ever had been before. I used to write of the dreams of love on a regular basis (candora lived on in many places after the diaryland candora went silent), but in recent months, longer even, the heart sleeps deeper than it ever has before. Waking slightly lately to realize I still believe in love (and never give up, never surrender), I am wondering what new way or ways I can do to to try to find her. You understand loneliness, still, my reading of your words suggests you are not as down as you were the last time I visited here. I hope that is true. I am not down, in fact, life is so busy with fun and rewarding activities I wonder how a relationship would fit in - I still would do anything for love if the right one came around). Just waking up to lonely again. Refreshing, almost, to realize romance still beats in my heart. Stay strong and keep sharing here, there, and everywhere - it is one way to feel a little less alone.
Revealing? Perhaps, it's here for your perusal, edification, and curiosity, at least. Posterity too, always for posterity. Most of all, me and the one, whenever we get here. We could have shared a lifetime, now we can share the end, a moment of forever, the meaning of a friend... we could have turned the world on it's ear upside down, now we can stop our little lives from ending with a frown - it is a wonderful life when you live it in love even when you're alone love is all you dream of and the hope of finding the one right for you gets you through anything so you can enjoy everything that you do.
Works for me. :)
Ya know, some people say I'm crazy... doing what I'm doing... yeah, I'm just sitting here watching the wheels imagining my dream of unconditional universal love coming true and believing it can happen at any moment because a mind can open and become aware of the wonder of love in just a moment and in that moment everything changes and nothing will ever be the same. People say I'm crazy for being so hopeful, but I still believe I am not the only one.
I know you're out there somewhere. :)
will you come out to play?
(music)
Turn off the TV
get off your seat
outside your window
grass and concrete
a world of people
for you to meet
all in all life is
pretty darn neat
and we can laugh at the naivety
we can wonder about innocence
we can imagine a world of peace
and still be aware
of the crazy out there
that makes us live in fear
but let me make this clear
we don't have to let fear kill love
we don't have to give up the dreams we dream of
we don't have to hide out inside
to wake up one day and realize we died
we don't have to give up our hope
there are ways we an learn to cope
with danger and trouble and challenging things
we can still play songs on our heart strings
we know there are children starving
we know there is war, pain, and strife
we know there is violence among us
we know there are threats in this life
we don't have to turn off awareness
we don't have to turn off our hearts
we don't have to become unfeeling machines
we can rise above
to what we dream of
and actualize love
where everything worth living for starts
and we can laugh at the naivety
we can wonder about innocence
we can imagine a world of peace
and still be aware
of the crazy out there
that makes us live in fear
but let me make this clear
we can feel it all
the passion and pain
we can find rainbows through our tears
there is always sunshine
behind every rain
we can overcome all our fears
just come out right now
and I'll show you how
take my hand and walk just a mile
tell me who you are
how we've come this far
by caring we can share a smile
and suddenly life
with all it's strife
is easier to feel good about
just because we care
and dared to share
and overcame our fear and doubt
for a few moments...
we just came out
(doorbell)
will you come out to play?
Got lots more hope and despair sitting in here and I really want to let it all out even it it appears that nobody cares cuz I am the only one here. The documented journey (or journeys) has (and have) been everything from boring to amazing and they continue in spite of my recent bloating (or re-bloating) and physical foolishness. The hope remains intact and almost as strong as ever in spite of the lack of evidence and the abundance of evidence to the contrary. The obscurity remains as virulent as it is benign (depending on perspective and immunity... I mean, hey, you cant cure everyone and some people will fight to the death to resist a cure that could cure them if they only gave it half a chance).
All the dirt, drama, and details will return to this babbling blog eventually. Sometimes, though, a stream of consciousness from the netherlands of consciousness and wherever else just has to flow through the brain into words as part of the process (you remember the process, don'tcha?... well, if you are new to these written gardens, just search for the word "process" in various blogs and you may get some understanding... then ask once you have a clue about what you are asking about and if there is time and space, answers will flow. Maybe even coherent ones.
Laughter is not offensive if you share it :)
It is all a matter of choice and perspective (and we choose our perspectives) so choose to be happy and understanding and compassionate and empathetic (though be careful with the empathy, it packs a wallop) and friendly and hopeful and shirley goodness and mercy will be nice thoughts, but you'll be happier even in the worst of circumstances and you might even survive the next war.
Alone.
Yes, for now, alone again. Not always naturally, but definitely. There is an infinite space reserved for the one right next to mine and someday my princess will come, but until then... I remain alone without the delusion of sharing everything. It is the only delusion I want or need to expand my happiness into the eternal infinity. You remember the eternal infinity, dont'cha?
See above lol :)
Make tonight a happy night and tomorrow, make today a happy day... you can do it!
Narf :)
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