Reactive, Proactive, Inactive, and Distractive

The babble has slowed, the river is low, the words do not flow as they used to. The sorrow is deep, and not enough sleep, and emptiness keeps the mind askew. Distractions abound, reactions resound, protractive procrastination embeds me in a inactive wake, fatigue resonates, so a proactive state eludes me. Where has all the cleverness gone, long time passing. Where has all the wisdom gone, long time ago. Where has all the wondering gone, and the asking. It's all gone noodly, off and misconstruedly, when will we ever learn? When will we ever learn?

Laughing all the way through the madness, we are having way too much fun in the recent sedentary stupors. When there is no softball, there is almost nothing. Though the last three weekends were busy, three parties (or was it four), a show, and more. The work project(s) have bogged down the brain and pooped out the body so weekends became sanctuary me-time, but the TV has dominated that as lazy distraction has become habit, not to mention imbalanced eating habits and poor sleeping patterns which lower the overall energy. Still, from the core to the surface, the negative feelings (dissatisfaction, depression, whatever) are so minimal and the euphoria is so bubbling over that I do nothing to change the pattern that I know is not ideal for a healthy body. I visualize the fat guy, who I associate with cop shows, eating a huge pastrami sandwich, after a massive coronary incident, in that movie with Meg Ryan and Nick Cage, City of Angels. My laughter is genuinely fun, right to my core.

Obviously I am comfortable with the life I have lived and am ready to go, as in die, so my focus on health has waned and my focus on the pleasures of food and lounging around has dominated for a few months. Not that I want to die (so why am I tempting death so much then, aye?... and is the laughter defensive or as genuine as it feels?... ah, if you only knew me, you'd know how relative the questions and the answers truly can be - and on that reality, the deepest most self-satisfied smile broadens wide).

Weekends, gotta love 'em.

The evening was spent watching youtube videos and lovng some Janet Devlin and her vagina (hey I couldn't resist the clickbait, but seriously... I may love her openness and candor on screen even more than her singing, or maybe it's tied). Maybe she reminds me that I am looking for a partner who is comfortable enough to put it all out there (or here, for that matter).

So much more, but I think I shall attempt sleep now. Early long day tomorrow.

Are we having fun yet?


Narf :)