Tomorrow Came Yesterday

More work at work today and tomorrow, so I should sit up too late, but there are things in my head that need to come out so I can rest easier tonight. Remember the nightmare of a few days past? Did I not mention it? Foolish if I didn't, but whatever, this is an entry started yesterday in the middle of the night (or was it early morning) in another entry (in case it matters) and continued later that day in pieces and now, it is tomorrow as far as the entry that starts in the next paragraph is concerned, but since it's always today, none of this time talk may matter.

Yesterday, there was a late night, or maybe middle of the night entry (as the time-date stamp shows), sent by email from the phone after waking to use to empty the bladder and move from the recliner, where I nodded off some time after dinner, to the bed. It appears I slept more than a few hours, though I woke a few times due to neck or other bodily discomforts and it appears from the daily darker circles under my eyes and other signs that I am not sleeping as restfully as I used to. Am I repeating myself? Is it important enough to repeat? Will it help me remember? Will it help me get help remembering? Will it save y life? This is a recent occurrence, increasing pain in the left side upon waking (pretty certain it is renal system related, but uncertain if it might be digestive system related and possibly related to the increasing laxatives I consume with meals.

The mayo clinic recommends:

Eat fiber-rich foods, such as wheat bran, fresh fruits and vegetables, and oats. (aka FIBER)
Drink plenty of fluids daily.
Exercise regularly.

Yeah, well, I drink plenty of fluids, though less lately. I exercise more occasionally than regularly, especially lately when softball season is on hiatus. I rarely eat grains, fruits, or vegetables lately (not including pasta or chocolate in that category). Almost three strikes.Jane may help save this body from old age symptoms and death if she follows through and we buy me that elliptical next Monday. I need to get the addresses of the places we need to go before then. Why not now? Ok.

Now looking deeper at the typical advice... Oral bulk forms (Benefiber, Citrucel, FiberCon, Metamucil), aka FIBER, absorb water to form soft, bulky stool, prompting normal contraction of intestinal muscles, but the side effects are bloating, gas, cramping or increased constipation if not taken with enough water. Now I drink more water than is healthy for the normal body on most days, but I take a diuretic to get rid of water because all that water raises my blood pressure. Fiber, simply, creates the harder stools and occasional constipation that tears the skin around my anus. So the common advice creates rectal bleeding, increased anemia, and all sorts of other painful dangerous health issues. Fuck you fiber and all the medical industry professionals and wanna-be know-it-alls (quacks) who recommend it.

There, one myth busted. Know your body.Kik fiber's ass befre it kicks mine. Plenty of fluids, yes, but monitor blood pressure. Exercise regularly, that I'll agree with whole heartedly, for now. I certainly shall be doing further study on the matter if I wish to be wise and prudent, no doubt.

Did you know I often put links in entries for the distinct purpose of reminding myself to remember something? Even if I don't re-read, the writing and linking is one step further in creating the stronger memory of whatever it is I am trying to remind myself to remember. I forget that sometimes, but the endless hope that someone will come along and remind me to remember the really important life and death stuff, life this, keeps me writing and linking and hoping... did you know?

It's easy to forget...

and so it was xmas
and I was not here
taking care of others
is my gift this year
it's what I love to do most
and I give it my best
my gift is just loving
it's time I confessed
I pretend there's family
anyway I can
I hope not to impose
that's never my plan
I find any reason
to linger where I
might get a little hug
or a look in the eye

but I look away quickly
so I do not cry

Well, I got that xmas hug, by hook or by crook. I pet sat for Jackson and Brandi and had love all around me for almost eight hours. A dog and two cats. They both told me I didn't have to stay and maybe they were telling me to not be there when they got home, but I found a reason to stay, the kids needed me (even if it's just my delusion) and so I got my hug as they came in and left immediately. Begging for a hug as I do can be kind of awkward (even if no one else acknowledges it).

There is so much more between the lines (and between the links), I wonder if anyone can see...

nite nite...

Narf :)