Yesterday Returns Tomorrow

I woke up today, crying, lost in a lost world. So many people are dying, lying lost in a lost world. Most of them are living illusions, blinded by the fear in their own minds. In their eyes it's nation against nation, and racial pride, mass suicide, dying lost within themselves. There must be a way. To save ourselves today. If we'd just empower love.

I swore to myself, no more fat and bloat, clogging the vessels, choking my throat, the morning brings pain, the proof I'm insane, fast walking toward death, barely catch my breath, reaching out, reaching in, don't know how to begin anymore. Time to go to work so out the door.

The day moves so fast, each moment could be last, fix this fix that, pull rabbits out of hats. The senses meet all the holiday treats, pressures release, stress becomes peace, like magic was, chocolate does. I've learned to find joy making everything toys without guilt, fear, or shame, everything is a game. Without break, without rest, I give it all my best, and passing the test, perhaps they're impressed.

Alone at my desk, after everyone left, I finish more tasks, more than anyone asks, then head out for home, always on my own, in love with the night, and the words I write.

I find my roommate, home from vacation, a ride to the airport, to return the car. And on the way back, the weakness intact, one more pizza stop, and the promise is dropped. The tears of the morning, forgotten for food, the pain of the past, never seems to last, I buy it deep, somewhere in the sleep, and now it's too late, as I've sealed my fate, living one more day, in spite of this way.

With hope for tomorrow I look for the promise I made in the morning to stop al the lies. Depressing denial has put me on trial and condemned by pleasures and feigning surprise. Accepting the pretense, the repression is dense, illusion, confusion, contusion in thought. Someone who cares as I do, better, in fact, though and through. Wake me from this nightmare, just share, just care, for all to see, honestly, unconditionally, it's all we can be. The bliss somehow finds me, memories remind me, of forgotten dream, that wake me it seems, and somehow the mystery ends, as I fall asleep dreaming friends. Feeling so heavy, feeling so light, merry XMAS to all, and to all a good night.

Actually, it was yesterday, but who's counting?

Narf :)