So how are you?
I am hungry, as usual. I am fat and always hungry. I am an American.
Yes, that is probably quotable for those who see reality and don't mind the to edge sword of honesty. Back a couple of decades ago, 1973, actually, I stopped following my own path and consciously decided to try to understand the path of the average normal person. Emotional trauma inspired the decision. For all the decades since I have been working on understanding how to be human, normal, flawed the way everybody else is flawed (instead of just flawed as I am), just to try to fit in and make a connection and find friends and ultimately, find the one. Or to be more precise, another the one. But simply trying to fit in, to not be the singularity in the room.
From the beginnings through all the changes (and as Harry said, they do keep on changing) I've had one underlying goal (as it states in the right sidebar hello and introduction of the one underlying goal link we just passed). . . to learn how to be a human being (by contemporary human standards)... maybe then I won't be so alone. Yup, that was it. Still is. Through all that was and still is (even the distractions I so ambivalently love to hate (it's only words... and words are all I have... yeah, yeah, yeah) has not altered the course (or heart or core) enough to change it {a zig zag line [which zig zag line? lol... inside joke ~I started, no doubt~, aye? lam] still goes in one overall direction} and the evidence is right there waiting, like me, for anyone who cares to explore what makes me tic and more enough to find it) was always designed to lead me (back to your door where I once belonged, aye?) to where I am, a always just a moment away from finding everything I ever wanted. How much more exciting can a moment be, after all? :)
Maybe if only it made sense to someone outside my head :)
The phone rang, Harpo, so the flow of the epic link filled paragraph that happens now and then. Harpo's mom is at the end stage of life and he's helping her hang on and he hurts all the time and is frustrated and his naturally obsessive personality is stressing him out so much it's sad... so I talk to him often to try to help him de-stess. His life is a strange one, focused primarily on writing letters to anyone who will listen about how he was treated by Disney over the last twenty years (and especially the last ten) as he's filled copyright lawsuits against them and their big pockets and teams of lawyers have made a mockery of his claims through legal manipulations that do not all make sense legally (and may very well be legal, but money talks, even in judges ears) and intimidation. It's an unhealthy obsession, but nothing I've tried has dissuaded him from his course and I understand that level of dedication very well. I just mentioned it, did I?
Perhaps my touching on it myself and putting it out there in words shifted some energy that affected him and inspired him to call at this very moment. All matter is connected, after all, even if we do not see or understand how.
I want the one to be heavily into songwriting, science fiction, empathy, food, softball (and sports), creativity and watching creativity, and stillness, just to mention a few must-have qualities to be ideal. I will accept a the one who is not ideal, for sure, if there is mutual understanding. A heart that writes the never ending love song, a mind that lives in science fiction, and spirit that actualizes empathy, body that adores food of all kinds and loves sports, especially softball, a soul as still as as creative as possible, and above all else, mutual understanding. There is a start of the person I would like to spend the rest of this live with. Or at least be a friend or roommate.
This started as a letter to J, but became an introspective entry for me and a thank you, all of you and the universe too, for being there, whomever you are, whenever you get here, for I am so appreciative of your being even when I do not stay in touch and only share in these sort of one way babbles and these words are still true, even if sometimes only here...
these words are inspired because you care
the prose often flows into rhythms and rhyme
when you let me know you've given your time
to come here to keep in touch with me
that's the point of these words you see
it's all about the sharing we can do
for you, dear reader, thank you
thank you
This probably belongs in one of the more autobiographical blogs, but I wanted to write something here because it is a holiday for most people I know (at least in this country) and I have the time... and I love you.
Until next time...
May you find many more smiles than frowns along your way today and every day, especially inside.
Hug and Narf :)
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