Wonderful Emptiness

I am wondering if that is all there is in humanity. A wonderful emptiness. Wonder and hope, shallow and false, limited by fear and perspective. Egocentricity leaves little room for anything else. I know, I've experience it in my journey to understand humanity. To leave innocence and selflessness and honest love and unconditional trust, the birthright of every new born life, behind and replaced by fear and all it's burdens, distortions, and delusions. Would you understand this, we might communicate without pretenses.

Continuing in the vein to which you are accustomed (through all caution to the wind again, no doubt), I wrote the detailed entry for last night after waking and showering. Another day waking after noon. Eating too much, again. So I shall not eat this late morning and shall not eat through the day unless served something worth the calories and until this evening when I am not influenced by others, that shall be the best I do for today.

Showered. A shorter shower than I'd have liked, but Eb is very water-usage conscious these days because the last water bill somehow showed usage increased by 250% which makes no sense unless I really was showering, doing laundry, and washing dishes a whole lot less before last month. That is possible. That is not healthy or moving in or living here comfortably, but it is possible. Living like a refugee is getting old. He seldom showers, does laundry, or washes dishes - very unsanitary. I expect the water bill to be high again this month because I am increased my sanitary habits. Not where I'd like them to be, but better than the minimal I was doing to try to acclimate to his home.

The rash, whatever it is, flared up again this morning. I guess because I did not do the sitz bath thing four time yesterday like I do most days. Sitting in the hard theatre seats and only showering once yesterday apparently did not help. I applied extra cream to the affected areas. This is no laughing matter, the rapidly ascending deterioration of the flesh, the malady that the specialist for the affected area tells me is nothing, the need of medical care ever increasing. If you are not laughing, you really ought to ask yourself why you are here.

The joke is the madness that trusts modern medicine. The pity is the hypocrisy of the Hippocratic oath. The carelessness of the wealthy professionals most treat as gods. Yet these professionals have the monopoly on the drugs that can do something about healing maladies. There was a time when this sort of itching rash would heal with an overnight treatment an at the least a few days. Now, it has been nagging and not healing for months. Finding a doctor I can trust should be an imperative, but every time I search the same results find me (or do I find them?)... nothing. I shall search again very soon, for the pain increased again tonight when it should be subsiding. The past treatments are no longer working.

There was a time when I thought I knew someone close enough to care enough to be aware of these sort of personal details.

I was fooled again.

Time to head out to a scavenger hunt.

Have fun today.

Narf :)