Just one sadness, but we'll not empower that, just focus on the wonderfulness. There are four entries in the brief daily blog that sum up the day and here, we shall elaborate on some more details (so read those four if you want to know what the details are about in case the details don't make complete sense without the basic telling of the day, m'ok?).
You may recall, if you are the diligent sort and read yesterday's entry, that, as my T-Shirt says, home is where the wifi is. I am making myself at home in my new home, lavishing the word home on it with great relish, if not a little fanfare. It is wonderful to have a home again after living like a refugee for almost three years and feeling quite homeless, even though I did have a room and a small box to sleep in.
This 2000 square foot home has so much space and there's so little in it. A couch, a matching chair and ottoman, and a cabinet in my living room (the couch and cabinet are supposed to move to the other living room any day now). A modest dining table, chairs, a china cabinets, are in the other living room now. I'm told the living room cabinet and the china cabinet are due to leave, the TV will be remounted on the wall of the other living room, and the couch will be moved in there as well (that is how the house was set up previously). I intend to put a recliner in my living room and down the road, new roommate said he wants one toowhich may go in here as I don't mind sharing. I may get a couch too. Being hopefully about continuing to live in a house, am I? You betcha I am. :)
Anyway, that's it outside of the bedrooms. So until the recliners and other couch is added, there's a whole lot of space. I may even have a game night or dinner once I get a table and chairs for guest to eat and play at. Maybe even have a party down the road. First, however, comes the unpacking, the moving, in, and the getting to know you phase with the new roommate.
So as I said in the first of the four briefer entries I wrote today, I slept on the couch and pillows last night, so I must be comfortable here sleeping on his couch and the floor of my bedroom. No bites that I've noticed, so not little biting critters, which is good news. There appears to be a new laptop on the couch tonight even though new roommate didn't spend any time in here. He left the TV on pause when we left to pic up the last of the storage stuff and it remains on pause now as he went into his room to rest, nap, and watched TV in his room after we got back.
I'll do my best not to read anything negative into him retiring to his bedroom the last two evenings or anything intentional in the placement of the laptop (he may not even know I slept on the couch as he was asleep when I moved from the chair to the couch to watch V and he was asleep when I woke around 5AM to head into my room. The hour was another reason I didn't blow up the air mattress, but it was so flat and compressed, I figured who blow it up again just for another few hours when I had all the pillows. Yes, seven pillows and more to come.
Yes, I like pillows. I like to be cushioned on all sides and use one between my knees. When I don't my upper outside quad can ache a bit until I walk around. It also keeps my spine aligned when I roll onto my side. There was a time I slept flat on my back without any pillows and barely moved all night. People used yo wonder if I died in my sleep when I was younger. Since getting on the diuretic (and perhaps aging and caving into emo-weakness or something like that), I find I prefer the side. I know I lose alignment and therein awareness and life by doing that, but that's life as a human these days even as I resisted on so many levels for so long. If you are not following, you may need to start at the beginning (and that link is not actually the earliest writing online and the earliest writing online is certainly not the beginning by a long shot, but it is a very good place to start even if any relation to whatever this paragraph may be about is nowhere to be found by the normal human eye in the babble that ensues should you click on the link.
What?
As noted in the second entry of the day, the new roommate has shown compatibility which is a wonderful plus that adds comfort and friendliness and positivity and potential to this new home. Neither of us particularly like or have any need for religion. We both regularly avoid the news and share similar disgust for the politicians in power today. Sharing expenses and space is preferred by both of us and he seems to be an honest person. We also share similar taste in music, though I likely have a much wider range. He doesn't know Harry and may not enjoy the emo as much as I do, but he does like Pink Floyd and Radiohead and Counting Crows and many others really like too. He also lost about the same number of pounds I did this year and needs to buy new clothes. Coincidences are wonderful when meeting someone walking a similar path for similar reasons with similar views.
Dinner was the sub from Firehouse for him, hot turkey, I believe. It smelled great in the truck. For me, a bit more cooking involved. Take out from Toojays was a stuffed cabbage, three small potato pancakes, and whitefish salad. I remembered that Toojays stuffed cabbage is often drier than I prefer and they don't put much sauce on it, so I asked for extra sauce. Then, slicing it open, I added the extra tomato sauce, onion dressing, vegetable spread, and ketchup. I sprayed the potato pancakes with vegetable oil after sprinkling them wit a bit of bacon powder. Broiled at 380 (though put them in when I turned on the oven so cooking times and temperature may vary lol) for thirty minutes (25 would have been better, but no major burning and seriously yummy). The whitefish salad was just as yummy, so celebratory dinner happened and then... Jeremiahs happened. I bought a medium size of chocolate, cherry, and pistachio and basked in the sugar euphoria of heaven on ice.
Or something like that.
Forget about the calories, starting January 2nd I cut back to under 1000 calories a day for the rest of the month, mostly. The goal of being under 170 pounds is not gone, it just went on hiatus for the holidays. I still am not tugging on and feel most comfortable in the 34 inch waist pant. Tomorrow I will be wearing the 36 inch waist pants because they are the clean ones I found most easily tonight and we shall see just how baggy they feel.
So as the third entry of the day pointed out, the first phase of the move is done. Everything has been transported to this new home. The second sage, the unpacking and moving in, began in earnest tonight. I wanted to share the excitement so I texted the text group and a few people (Tinman was one) sent positive words. I texted others too. Everyone responded positively except Jackson (the sad note mentioned at the start of this entry... let it go). Harpo called to set up his annual minute-after-midnight party and Tinman sent a text to the text group to let them know. Most may be asleep, but we shall see. Helen called and shared in the excitement of the unpacking for a while.
I hope Jackson is not guilt tripping or hurting. It is very strange that she is not communicating more at this most exciting and positive time of these last three years. I am doing my best to not hear the song it seems you only love me when it rains that may be playing somewhere in my mind. I just hope this move and my excitement is not in any way reason for her going silent. The wondering hurts, being an empath, but I am sadly very used to the people who matter most ignoring my highest highs. I can only accept the obvious fact that I don't understand the human concept of family and appreciate whatever I do receive.
So much for not going there.
The shower was wonderful, though I did not take complete advantage of the hotness of the water and I did not make the bathroom my own just yet. One step at a time. The hours pass, I have work in the morning, and I definitely needed a shower. The new Waterpik dual action variable power massaging shower head was worth the price. The only flaw is the grip, all chrome. grips for large sower heads should be part rubber and ribbed. Still, the luxury of hot water and cleanliness and comfort and privacy, amazing even in the cramped space (narrow tub) and I shall make it my home this week.
For now, I really must get to bed. My bed. Fresh linens. What am I doing here sitting up and writing? lol.
More tomorrow, for now... it's a wonderful life and may you feel it too. :)
Narf :)
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Dancing With Joy
Yes, the head will touch the pillow in a new place tonight and the challenges of space, cleanliness, and all the other things I do not need to remember in detail (at least not while I am celebrating) are gone. Wonder of wonders, but it really was no miracle, it was just patience and good timing. Three years of waiting was hopefully worth it. Time will tell, but the first day and evening is going very well since I am watching his TV in my living room (he hasn't moved anything to his side of the house yet) and I found one of my favorite shows that I ave not seen in at least two years.
Orphan Black is simply a m a z i n g fun. I'll be typing and celebrating in words for a while, so I will watch all of these again, but for now, I listen and glance up and enjoy the wonder of multiple personality clones. Big fan here. Tatiana Maslany is a m a z i n g ! (yes, exclamation point).
So here I sit in the living room, my living room in the two living room house, in my comfy desk chair (until I go out and buy a recliner), legs up on a pillow that sits on a box at the right level (the ottoman needs cleaning, sanitizing, and possibly discarding after years in storage). One folding table sits to my left with snacks (chocolate chip cookies and cream filled pastries) and a drink (chocolate milk). Another folding table sits to my right where the laptop will go when I want to get up. The iPhone is snuggled up tucked in it's phone stand on the lapdesk where it is also charging, the lapdesk light illuminates the keyboard, and as I may have mentioned casually above, the TV is playing season 3 of Orphan Blank, finally, catching up I've been waiting for begins.
For your reading pleasure, I will be typing and celebrating in words (as I mentioned above), at least until by butt says I should get off it. I don't mean that to be a double entendre, by the way. Moving right along, this Saturday night is a wonderful night to be eating the yummy extra cheese pizza I cooked up as the first meal here. Granted, it was a Digiorno base, defrosted, with two kinds of meatballs (bacon and veal) and a bit of extra tomato sauce (onion garlic) and multiple cheeses (mozzarella, five cheese Italian blend, and grazed parmesan) with some extra seasoning (garlic, bacon) and baked 30-35 minutes at 380 on an aluminum pizza tray. Yummy, seriously, and it will be reheated too. Cooking (sort of), amazing, huh?
More amazing in the moment is the new space itself. Far from perfect (let me count the flaws... oven and fridge are in desperate need of cleaning, kitchen sink does not have enough water pressure to wash a dish, bathroom, living room, kitchen cbinets, hallway closet, and kitchen pantry closet have not made room for me yet... and he asked about rent today. I wonder if my spaces will be mine come the first of the month or if I'll have to clear the spaces and move his stuff out myself like I've been doing in the half of the garage that is mine... ah, but the pro so override the cons and I won't be fulling moved in until tomorrow and I technically am not paying rent until, well, I'll stop at the bank and give him rent tomorrow and see if that accelerates the shift of space a bit more... could be he's just being lazy and procrastinating and there's no intention of bogarting space and not sharing the house as he said he would), but still so much better than the last space it is wonderful.
After all, the new roommate, who still doesn't have a blog name (in case you didn't notice), helped move the last of the stuff out of Eb's place this morning, so he's followed through on that one at least. I'm probably just being impatient because I am so excited to have space again. I sorted the stuff a bit and then as I said above (am I getting repetitive?... probably because I am pausing a lot to watch and listen to the TV show I mentioned a couple of times, cooked up a meatball pizza. A fifteen minute trip to the neighborhood Walmart that is a minute drive around the corner for extra cheese and impulsive desserts (I do believe I mentioned those above to lol) and chocolate milk and what a yummy (high calorie) pizza meal (and desserts, did I mention desserts?0 I made in a clean over in a clean kitchen in a clean house.
Yessiree Bob, I am enjoying the luxury of the space by just vegging here tonight. I should put the shower head I bought on the shower and use it tonight. Building the bathroom will definitely mean getting an over the toilet tank shelf unit cuz the bathroom is tiny. Once he gets his stuff out of there, I'll unpack a box for under the sink stuff and finally put my soaps and bathroom stuff in the bathroom. Did I mention he's a smoker? Outside, apparently. I haven't smelled tobacco in the house or in the garage and hopefully that won't change or I'll just have to start farting more lol. Hey, we all have our vices. Mine, though, it a health issue I have less control over than smokers do theirs. I think I've been avoiding this. I've written off every profile that said "outsde smoking ok" . I'll move some stuff into the front hallway closet as soon as he empties that. Tomorrow, new roommate helps move the stuff from storage in here and I start building the bedroom around the actual bed. Then, I shop for a recliner and build the living room around that, as soon as he moves his stuff into the other living room.
So not perfect, potential challenges, but think positive and enjoy this perfectly wonderful tonight.
The cat wants attention.
I'm back. Poor cat can't figure out how to climb up on the reclining desk chair I sit on and the pillow on a box ottoman is too wobbly for her, so she laid at my feet a while and then moved back to the ottoman she apparently likes. Meanwhile, I made heated up some pizza and enjoyed it with chocolate milk, followed by more dessert. Did I mention I also impulsively bought chocolate whipped cream? Oh yeah, I splurged on the calories tonight.
The new roommate went out for the evening and returned with a friend. They went into his room to hang out and went outside several times to smoke cigarettes. I Still didn't smell it in the house, I think. I wonder what he does on rainy days or nights. Anyway, I reminded him he is free to change the channel several times and offered them pizza and dessert, but they didn't partake of anything. Not sure if they just wanted privacy or if I was in the way. When he walked her out, she didn't look at me as I waved, so I don't know how to read that. I encouraged him to turn on anything he wanted to watch again and he said he will. I did not retire to my room because this is supposed to be my living room, after all.
So anyway back to my celebration.
As symbolic as it is real, I changed the home address in the iPhone and maps will no longer take me to that tiny little dirty place I could not call home without gagging. Love your heart Eb, but you really don't know how to share space. Or be clean. Anyway, This is home now. Changing the phone was seriously emo. I sit here basking in the space, vegging because I want to take the move in slow so I don't rush the new roommate. The next big step will be the shower.
Orphan Black continues on the TV.
Did I mention the first poop happened already? That is a sure sign of comfort. It flowed smoothly after almost being a stain in the underwear, but it wasn't. I was surprised there was no pain or strain after the pizza and chocolates and milk, but it seems that I've found the balance of laxatives. I forgot how much gas I pass after pigging out and taking the laxatives. Luckily I have my Fabreze nearby lol. The cat is curled up and sleeping a few feet away on the ottoman again. Relaxing in a comfortable clean spacious living seems to be having a jovial effect on my affect. So new home, first time I feel at home at all in almost two years, maybe three years. Bed, recliner, unpacking, and moving in still to come. Baby steps can be such big changes :)
Narf :)
Orphan Black is simply a m a z i n g fun. I'll be typing and celebrating in words for a while, so I will watch all of these again, but for now, I listen and glance up and enjoy the wonder of multiple personality clones. Big fan here. Tatiana Maslany is a m a z i n g ! (yes, exclamation point).
So here I sit in the living room, my living room in the two living room house, in my comfy desk chair (until I go out and buy a recliner), legs up on a pillow that sits on a box at the right level (the ottoman needs cleaning, sanitizing, and possibly discarding after years in storage). One folding table sits to my left with snacks (chocolate chip cookies and cream filled pastries) and a drink (chocolate milk). Another folding table sits to my right where the laptop will go when I want to get up. The iPhone is snuggled up tucked in it's phone stand on the lapdesk where it is also charging, the lapdesk light illuminates the keyboard, and as I may have mentioned casually above, the TV is playing season 3 of Orphan Blank, finally, catching up I've been waiting for begins.
For your reading pleasure, I will be typing and celebrating in words (as I mentioned above), at least until by butt says I should get off it. I don't mean that to be a double entendre, by the way. Moving right along, this Saturday night is a wonderful night to be eating the yummy extra cheese pizza I cooked up as the first meal here. Granted, it was a Digiorno base, defrosted, with two kinds of meatballs (bacon and veal) and a bit of extra tomato sauce (onion garlic) and multiple cheeses (mozzarella, five cheese Italian blend, and grazed parmesan) with some extra seasoning (garlic, bacon) and baked 30-35 minutes at 380 on an aluminum pizza tray. Yummy, seriously, and it will be reheated too. Cooking (sort of), amazing, huh?
More amazing in the moment is the new space itself. Far from perfect (let me count the flaws... oven and fridge are in desperate need of cleaning, kitchen sink does not have enough water pressure to wash a dish, bathroom, living room, kitchen cbinets, hallway closet, and kitchen pantry closet have not made room for me yet... and he asked about rent today. I wonder if my spaces will be mine come the first of the month or if I'll have to clear the spaces and move his stuff out myself like I've been doing in the half of the garage that is mine... ah, but the pro so override the cons and I won't be fulling moved in until tomorrow and I technically am not paying rent until, well, I'll stop at the bank and give him rent tomorrow and see if that accelerates the shift of space a bit more... could be he's just being lazy and procrastinating and there's no intention of bogarting space and not sharing the house as he said he would), but still so much better than the last space it is wonderful.
After all, the new roommate, who still doesn't have a blog name (in case you didn't notice), helped move the last of the stuff out of Eb's place this morning, so he's followed through on that one at least. I'm probably just being impatient because I am so excited to have space again. I sorted the stuff a bit and then as I said above (am I getting repetitive?... probably because I am pausing a lot to watch and listen to the TV show I mentioned a couple of times, cooked up a meatball pizza. A fifteen minute trip to the neighborhood Walmart that is a minute drive around the corner for extra cheese and impulsive desserts (I do believe I mentioned those above to lol) and chocolate milk and what a yummy (high calorie) pizza meal (and desserts, did I mention desserts?0 I made in a clean over in a clean kitchen in a clean house.
Yessiree Bob, I am enjoying the luxury of the space by just vegging here tonight. I should put the shower head I bought on the shower and use it tonight. Building the bathroom will definitely mean getting an over the toilet tank shelf unit cuz the bathroom is tiny. Once he gets his stuff out of there, I'll unpack a box for under the sink stuff and finally put my soaps and bathroom stuff in the bathroom. Did I mention he's a smoker? Outside, apparently. I haven't smelled tobacco in the house or in the garage and hopefully that won't change or I'll just have to start farting more lol. Hey, we all have our vices. Mine, though, it a health issue I have less control over than smokers do theirs. I think I've been avoiding this. I've written off every profile that said "outsde smoking ok" . I'll move some stuff into the front hallway closet as soon as he empties that. Tomorrow, new roommate helps move the stuff from storage in here and I start building the bedroom around the actual bed. Then, I shop for a recliner and build the living room around that, as soon as he moves his stuff into the other living room.
So not perfect, potential challenges, but think positive and enjoy this perfectly wonderful tonight.
The cat wants attention.
I'm back. Poor cat can't figure out how to climb up on the reclining desk chair I sit on and the pillow on a box ottoman is too wobbly for her, so she laid at my feet a while and then moved back to the ottoman she apparently likes. Meanwhile, I made heated up some pizza and enjoyed it with chocolate milk, followed by more dessert. Did I mention I also impulsively bought chocolate whipped cream? Oh yeah, I splurged on the calories tonight.
The new roommate went out for the evening and returned with a friend. They went into his room to hang out and went outside several times to smoke cigarettes. I Still didn't smell it in the house, I think. I wonder what he does on rainy days or nights. Anyway, I reminded him he is free to change the channel several times and offered them pizza and dessert, but they didn't partake of anything. Not sure if they just wanted privacy or if I was in the way. When he walked her out, she didn't look at me as I waved, so I don't know how to read that. I encouraged him to turn on anything he wanted to watch again and he said he will. I did not retire to my room because this is supposed to be my living room, after all.
So anyway back to my celebration.
As symbolic as it is real, I changed the home address in the iPhone and maps will no longer take me to that tiny little dirty place I could not call home without gagging. Love your heart Eb, but you really don't know how to share space. Or be clean. Anyway, This is home now. Changing the phone was seriously emo. I sit here basking in the space, vegging because I want to take the move in slow so I don't rush the new roommate. The next big step will be the shower.
Orphan Black continues on the TV.
Did I mention the first poop happened already? That is a sure sign of comfort. It flowed smoothly after almost being a stain in the underwear, but it wasn't. I was surprised there was no pain or strain after the pizza and chocolates and milk, but it seems that I've found the balance of laxatives. I forgot how much gas I pass after pigging out and taking the laxatives. Luckily I have my Fabreze nearby lol. The cat is curled up and sleeping a few feet away on the ottoman again. Relaxing in a comfortable clean spacious living seems to be having a jovial effect on my affect. So new home, first time I feel at home at all in almost two years, maybe three years. Bed, recliner, unpacking, and moving in still to come. Baby steps can be such big changes :)
Narf :)
Moving Day Approacheth
I would be asleep by now, but I was waylaid by Harpo, so the last to hours of packing up the last of the stuff here at Eb's didn't happen until after midnight. The only things not packed up are this computer and the table is sits on, the air mattress, and the food in the fridge. I forgot the coolers the past few days, so I may just put all the food into the last plastic box and with the ice packs it should be fine for the fifteen minutes (10-12 according to google) to the new place. Heck, the stuff makes it further from the supermarket to here in plastic bags without ice packs, after all. I am tired, but excited. The only queasy is the uncertainty of where I am sleeping tomorrow. I suppose I should just make the decision to flatten the air mattress in the morning and move out of here completely. If new roommate has an issue with me moving in two nights before the technical start of the month, well, I'd rather not think about living with someone like that. I kind of already do (Eb asked when I am moving out as if I should be gone already just because I said I might be out before the end of the month. I still think I gave him a month's deposit, but he says no and I buried the lease in a box somewhere... if I find it and he owes me the deposit back he will not be a happy camper, but then, he ought to know). I am obviously a bit irritated with "landlords" and the fact that new roommate still hasn't moved his stuff out of my bedroom closet, my hall closet, my bathroom cabinets, or any kitchen cabinets or space. I guess I'll just move his stuff out of the way and see if that's a problem for him. It didn't seem to be in the garage, but still, I shouldn't have to move his stuff out of my space. I give and want respect for space and stuff and he seems ambivalent, but hopefully we will find a balance once I am in there. Be honest, be real, tell each other how you feel.
One concern is his eight year old daughter who may be challenged by mommy and daddy living in separate houses and mommy sleeping with a new "daddy." Daddy being depressed doesn't help matters, but she came to stay over tonight and her toothbrush was in my bathroom, so he hasn't introduced the idea that daddy's bathroom is her bathroom now and that means my moving in displaces her, rather than getting her used to it before I move in. I really don't want to move her stuff from the bathroom, but I really do not want to share a bathroom, especially one as small as this one is. Since her bedroom door is two feet from my bathroom, I can see some awkward moments if I have to be the one to boot her out of there. Having to be dressed to go to the bathroom is one of the things I am compromising big time on. Having even less privacy when I need to use the bathroom just isn't what we agreed to. He's a trusting dad I suppose. I don't know if I'd so easily trust a strange man sleeping closer to my eight year old daughter than I do. Bathing five feet from her bed in the bathroom she's called hers when she wakes up and has to walk a lot futher. I guess he sees the best in people so I should like that cuz I used to be like that, but I've gotten so cynical in recent years.
Maybe living with a family of sad somewhat broken hearts who could benefit from positive energy will bring out mine again. There's always hope. :)
Middle of the night rambling is rather revealing, no doubt. Truth is my way. I mean no offense, I just want to figure out the best courses of action for everything I do with others and expressing the joys and frustrations f life in words is my way of doing that even when I have a partner in life, but being without said partner, words are all I have (queue BeeGees) :)
Honesty... it's the way to truth which is the way to peace and happiness.
Ignorance is only bliss on the surface. It is deadly inside.
So why haven't I gotten to the gym in a week plus?
Come on, someone point out my mistakes.
That's what friends are for.
In case it matters.
Narf :)
One concern is his eight year old daughter who may be challenged by mommy and daddy living in separate houses and mommy sleeping with a new "daddy." Daddy being depressed doesn't help matters, but she came to stay over tonight and her toothbrush was in my bathroom, so he hasn't introduced the idea that daddy's bathroom is her bathroom now and that means my moving in displaces her, rather than getting her used to it before I move in. I really don't want to move her stuff from the bathroom, but I really do not want to share a bathroom, especially one as small as this one is. Since her bedroom door is two feet from my bathroom, I can see some awkward moments if I have to be the one to boot her out of there. Having to be dressed to go to the bathroom is one of the things I am compromising big time on. Having even less privacy when I need to use the bathroom just isn't what we agreed to. He's a trusting dad I suppose. I don't know if I'd so easily trust a strange man sleeping closer to my eight year old daughter than I do. Bathing five feet from her bed in the bathroom she's called hers when she wakes up and has to walk a lot futher. I guess he sees the best in people so I should like that cuz I used to be like that, but I've gotten so cynical in recent years.
Maybe living with a family of sad somewhat broken hearts who could benefit from positive energy will bring out mine again. There's always hope. :)
Middle of the night rambling is rather revealing, no doubt. Truth is my way. I mean no offense, I just want to figure out the best courses of action for everything I do with others and expressing the joys and frustrations f life in words is my way of doing that even when I have a partner in life, but being without said partner, words are all I have (queue BeeGees) :)
Honesty... it's the way to truth which is the way to peace and happiness.
Ignorance is only bliss on the surface. It is deadly inside.
So why haven't I gotten to the gym in a week plus?
Come on, someone point out my mistakes.
That's what friends are for.
In case it matters.
Narf :)
Sunday, December 23, 2018
I Will Not Go Quietly
There is truth and profundity all through the blogs, even if most of it is tongue and cheek or semi-intentionally obscured by random tangients and asides. I will not go quietly into the night of the ignorance and stupidity chosen by most people as the norm for themselves and humanity. Remembering, for better or worse, a time when I was nearing the end (and yes, pretty nigh on to wasted as Eric sang), but for reasons we may never know, I returned to the point of the two entries linked here, just over a two year journey in time, and even updated those entries ever so slightly because typos said so) and who knew this little laptop (like the little engine that could, only with a lot more obstacles, frustrations, and complaints due to Lenovo and Microsoft greed, poor planning, fraud, and mismanagement, but that's another long tale of woe oft mentioned, poorly tech supported, and never resolved) would still be here churning out entries after two years.
Whatever are we rambling on about, aye?
Well, if you clicked on the three links above and the several entries between the first and the last, you may have a clue and if you don't choose to be clueless (even if most people in the world do, then maybe we are close to being on the same page... peer pressure is a bitch, isn't it?). Decembers are so often months of traumatic upheavals and scarcity for some and joy and plenty for others. The rampant ignorance chosen by most when it comes to the pathetic dichotomy of life as a human seldom ceases to amaze me, even as I too become complacent.
Last night I saw a fairly well dressed obese woman and child outside of a upper-middle class supermarket in a upscale neighborhood with sign asking for money to help with her kid's Xmas. As jaded as I have become, the image startled me and I am puzzled at the memory as I do not recall exactly what the sign said but the image stuck. They obviously have enough money for decent quality warm clothing and enough food to be quite fat, fatter than Trump, even, but there they are begging. What a wonderful country we live in today.
Canada is too cold, Northern Australia would be an option to try, but national border red tape, money, and staying close to Jackson are reasons to remain where I am in this world. Even eliminating two of the three, the third is not something I can change enough to make it happen. So anyone who flippantly (or angrily) popped off with "love it or leave it" mostly likely has no clue of what they, or I, am talking about, which would be typical for the ignorance chosen by most in this country today.
So I rolled the dice (back to the initial thread of this entry after the pathos and stupidity and news of the world so rudely interrupted, for example), and here we are, more than two years later, lost in another December of frolic and folly. If we look back closer to the precise two year mark (or one, for that matter), we can find similar despair (and distractions, no doubt) in the entries over the past month or so (choose from many, but ok, maybe not this bad, sheesh), especially before the new place to live was found and the slow drag of the move with the new propane risk, I mean, it's always something, right Rozanne? Actually, the move is probably what is bringing on this slight retrospection, in fact, in case it matters or you wondered or something. We coulda been contenders, ya know?
Anyway, it you follow the links (what links, aye?) within the links to blogs seldom visited, you will always find the hope that lives even in the deepest despair, even if it's many links deep, if you want to. Memories hold the wonderland that keeps me sane and hopeful. There is life, there is hope and considering the random anniversary of this entry alone two years, we've come a long way.
And who knows where the road (or links) might take us next, aye? :)
Sometimes, the dream is expressed in the song that comes fro the journey through retrospection and we can just say wow on our minds as hope soars as we listen and learn.
and even if I like Karen's version a whole lot better than this, in my journey today I find new singers to love...
I will find time to check her out more (especially when I am in a jazzy bluesy mood... first impression, cool, but she needs to get off her high heals and let the music move her more.... jazz is not supposed to be stiff. Everybody's a critic, ya know?) :)
Did someone say next?
Yes, well, if we follow the path this entry is semi-obviously on, we find that as this daily babbling blog comes upon the turn of it's third new year (really?... three years have passe since this latest merry go round of living like a refugee started? What a life, aye? lol. Anyway, two years ago this week another major change came around as I interviewed for the current job I am enjoying and this week I prepare for the move into the new space with a new roommate and in many ways, another new chapter of life.
And the excitement continues to build, no doubt (again) :)
So even as this computer threatens to crash (due to Lenovo-Microsoft greed and failures) and I just shut down most of the tabs which stops (or at least drastically alters and shortens) the journey this was on, it's a good day.
Heck, I've been linking the brief blog, anyway, and I didn't even get to begin retrospecting this babbling blog you are reading.
Maybe later lol. Time to get some moving done.
Narf :)
Whatever are we rambling on about, aye?
Well, if you clicked on the three links above and the several entries between the first and the last, you may have a clue and if you don't choose to be clueless (even if most people in the world do, then maybe we are close to being on the same page... peer pressure is a bitch, isn't it?). Decembers are so often months of traumatic upheavals and scarcity for some and joy and plenty for others. The rampant ignorance chosen by most when it comes to the pathetic dichotomy of life as a human seldom ceases to amaze me, even as I too become complacent.
Last night I saw a fairly well dressed obese woman and child outside of a upper-middle class supermarket in a upscale neighborhood with sign asking for money to help with her kid's Xmas. As jaded as I have become, the image startled me and I am puzzled at the memory as I do not recall exactly what the sign said but the image stuck. They obviously have enough money for decent quality warm clothing and enough food to be quite fat, fatter than Trump, even, but there they are begging. What a wonderful country we live in today.
Canada is too cold, Northern Australia would be an option to try, but national border red tape, money, and staying close to Jackson are reasons to remain where I am in this world. Even eliminating two of the three, the third is not something I can change enough to make it happen. So anyone who flippantly (or angrily) popped off with "love it or leave it" mostly likely has no clue of what they, or I, am talking about, which would be typical for the ignorance chosen by most in this country today.
So I rolled the dice (back to the initial thread of this entry after the pathos and stupidity and news of the world so rudely interrupted, for example), and here we are, more than two years later, lost in another December of frolic and folly. If we look back closer to the precise two year mark (or one, for that matter), we can find similar despair (and distractions, no doubt) in the entries over the past month or so (choose from many, but ok, maybe not this bad, sheesh), especially before the new place to live was found and the slow drag of the move with the new propane risk, I mean, it's always something, right Rozanne? Actually, the move is probably what is bringing on this slight retrospection, in fact, in case it matters or you wondered or something. We coulda been contenders, ya know?
Anyway, it you follow the links (what links, aye?) within the links to blogs seldom visited, you will always find the hope that lives even in the deepest despair, even if it's many links deep, if you want to. Memories hold the wonderland that keeps me sane and hopeful. There is life, there is hope and considering the random anniversary of this entry alone two years, we've come a long way.
And who knows where the road (or links) might take us next, aye? :)
Sometimes, the dream is expressed in the song that comes fro the journey through retrospection and we can just say wow on our minds as hope soars as we listen and learn.
and even if I like Karen's version a whole lot better than this, in my journey today I find new singers to love...
I will find time to check her out more (especially when I am in a jazzy bluesy mood... first impression, cool, but she needs to get off her high heals and let the music move her more.... jazz is not supposed to be stiff. Everybody's a critic, ya know?) :)
Did someone say next?
Yes, well, if we follow the path this entry is semi-obviously on, we find that as this daily babbling blog comes upon the turn of it's third new year (really?... three years have passe since this latest merry go round of living like a refugee started? What a life, aye? lol. Anyway, two years ago this week another major change came around as I interviewed for the current job I am enjoying and this week I prepare for the move into the new space with a new roommate and in many ways, another new chapter of life.
And the excitement continues to build, no doubt (again) :)
So even as this computer threatens to crash (due to Lenovo-Microsoft greed and failures) and I just shut down most of the tabs which stops (or at least drastically alters and shortens) the journey this was on, it's a good day.
Heck, I've been linking the brief blog, anyway, and I didn't even get to begin retrospecting this babbling blog you are reading.
Maybe later lol. Time to get some moving done.
Narf :)
Saturday, December 8, 2018
Sit Back, Relax, Write
But first, a brief game.
tic...tic...tic...
go get a refreshment or something,
I'll be right with you...
tic... tic... tic...
And now, on with the show. The wisdom was strong in this one tonight as the body awakened the mind (as it is apt to do when the mind stops making stupid decisions) and here we are ready for bear. Bare too. If only it was not below 60 degrees outside and almost 60 degrees inside... and I lived with nudists... or the human race as not so afraid of their bodies... or an intelligent species, for that matter... but I digress...
There is a tickle in my throat causing an occasional cough. 100 ounces of water coupled with a chill after serious exercise in a few hours can do that, among other things. The feet rest under an electric blanket, the body is wrapped in a thick robe, and the process continues.
If you don't know the process, you've not read the right entries. Rather than take the time to find them and link them here, I'll suggest you search for the following key words in the the dailies found on this page and read to your heart's content. If you care (or are curious) enough to want to know.
Other key words of note are secret, secrets, hope, or more specifically "there's always hope" and if you have the time, moody, harry, song, music, sing, and perhaps even mila, but they may get less specific and more elusive with each word. Spend a day or few clicking links and reading and you never know what rabbit hole you might fall into in this wonderland of words aka the written gardens.
Discomforts distract, yet the mood is so high thanks to the exercise (body blog for those details). An immediate remedy for one distraction, feeling chilled, was just initiated and hopefully it will work shortly. The long term remedy is in progress, however slowly, and will be completed by the end of the month. Much rejoicing will occur, in spite of the new challenges and distractions awaiting at the solution. Or remedy.
An immediate remedy for the other primary distraction, the asshole, has been initiated but does not seem to be working as well as it has in the past and that could be a result of the exercise, especially since I did not shower today and I still pushed the exercise (and perspiration) hard and I am sitting up (perhaps too much lately). I did shower tonight in spite of the chill, but perhaps laying down is needed too.
Then, however, the talk-to-text distraction will rise up and consume whatever threads of thought there might be forming in my slowly no longer reawakened brain. Ah, the challenges of life do undermine the profundity of understanding sometimes (often, in fact... looks like all the time for most, but we don't have to go there tonight in spite of checking out at least twenty minutes of Fox News earlier... I wanted to be fair and balanced and had watched about twenty minutes of MSNBC just before... scrolling through stations at the gym presented the opportunity and Rachel had the constitution on the screen, so I paused to listen... and we are surprised someone who refuses to show his tax returns has a lawyer receiving multiple indictments for tax fraud (not that most of the other politicians aren't likely doing the same or similar things, or would if they could)... I'm still waiting for him to walk down fifth avenue with a gun... as I said, all the time for most, but we don't have to go there tonight... god is funny lol).
Sleep, return, later.
Narf :)
go get a refreshment or something,
I'll be right with you...
tic... tic... tic...
And now, on with the show. The wisdom was strong in this one tonight as the body awakened the mind (as it is apt to do when the mind stops making stupid decisions) and here we are ready for bear. Bare too. If only it was not below 60 degrees outside and almost 60 degrees inside... and I lived with nudists... or the human race as not so afraid of their bodies... or an intelligent species, for that matter... but I digress...
There is a tickle in my throat causing an occasional cough. 100 ounces of water coupled with a chill after serious exercise in a few hours can do that, among other things. The feet rest under an electric blanket, the body is wrapped in a thick robe, and the process continues.
If you don't know the process, you've not read the right entries. Rather than take the time to find them and link them here, I'll suggest you search for the following key words in the the dailies found on this page and read to your heart's content. If you care (or are curious) enough to want to know.
Other key words of note are secret, secrets, hope, or more specifically "there's always hope" and if you have the time, moody, harry, song, music, sing, and perhaps even mila, but they may get less specific and more elusive with each word. Spend a day or few clicking links and reading and you never know what rabbit hole you might fall into in this wonderland of words aka the written gardens.
Discomforts distract, yet the mood is so high thanks to the exercise (body blog for those details). An immediate remedy for one distraction, feeling chilled, was just initiated and hopefully it will work shortly. The long term remedy is in progress, however slowly, and will be completed by the end of the month. Much rejoicing will occur, in spite of the new challenges and distractions awaiting at the solution. Or remedy.
An immediate remedy for the other primary distraction, the asshole, has been initiated but does not seem to be working as well as it has in the past and that could be a result of the exercise, especially since I did not shower today and I still pushed the exercise (and perspiration) hard and I am sitting up (perhaps too much lately). I did shower tonight in spite of the chill, but perhaps laying down is needed too.
Then, however, the talk-to-text distraction will rise up and consume whatever threads of thought there might be forming in my slowly no longer reawakened brain. Ah, the challenges of life do undermine the profundity of understanding sometimes (often, in fact... looks like all the time for most, but we don't have to go there tonight in spite of checking out at least twenty minutes of Fox News earlier... I wanted to be fair and balanced and had watched about twenty minutes of MSNBC just before... scrolling through stations at the gym presented the opportunity and Rachel had the constitution on the screen, so I paused to listen... and we are surprised someone who refuses to show his tax returns has a lawyer receiving multiple indictments for tax fraud (not that most of the other politicians aren't likely doing the same or similar things, or would if they could)... I'm still waiting for him to walk down fifth avenue with a gun... as I said, all the time for most, but we don't have to go there tonight... god is funny lol).
Sleep, return, later.
Narf :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
No Sleep, No Radio
Once again I am not sleeping. The goal of getting to the gym today did not happen again tonight, or last night now that morning approaches. I didn’t have a change of clothes and didn’t feel like going here and back. So I said to myself I’ll take a change of clothes tomorrow. But here I am middle of the night and if I’m lucky I’ll get four hours sleep and more caffeine tomorrow. I’ve started drinking coffee again. That’s not good for the work out. This is all in my head of course. Bad cycle.
At least I’ve cut back on calories seriously the past three days. I’ll need to do it for at least two weeks to get back into the 170s I think. We shall see. I might get on the scale tomorrow morning. Or even sooner.
I used to come here to babble on until I got to the bottom line, some profound understanding of the human condition, or at least my condition. Instead, I sit here under an electric blanket with four layers of clothes, a heavy robe, and gloves on wondering just why I let myself slide into this near homeless state once again. Part of me still hears a voice in my head saying if nobody else cares what happens to me, why should I? and the validity in that thought is what's the point of living without sharing.
The no partner blues sing out again.
Still, there is just as much (if not more) validity in he logic that not caring is a self-fulfilling prophesy loop. If nobody cares, why should I can be flipped to if I don't care, why should anybody else?. Somebody must start the caring cycle and welcome to my world where I just keep going (never give up, never surrender) beating the drums (or heartbeats) of caring like the energizer bunny.
Even if nobody else ever does, at least I did.
Promises were made, after all.
Narf :)
At least I’ve cut back on calories seriously the past three days. I’ll need to do it for at least two weeks to get back into the 170s I think. We shall see. I might get on the scale tomorrow morning. Or even sooner.
I used to come here to babble on until I got to the bottom line, some profound understanding of the human condition, or at least my condition. Instead, I sit here under an electric blanket with four layers of clothes, a heavy robe, and gloves on wondering just why I let myself slide into this near homeless state once again. Part of me still hears a voice in my head saying if nobody else cares what happens to me, why should I? and the validity in that thought is what's the point of living without sharing.
The no partner blues sing out again.
Still, there is just as much (if not more) validity in he logic that not caring is a self-fulfilling prophesy loop. If nobody cares, why should I can be flipped to if I don't care, why should anybody else?. Somebody must start the caring cycle and welcome to my world where I just keep going (never give up, never surrender) beating the drums (or heartbeats) of caring like the energizer bunny.
Even if nobody else ever does, at least I did.
Promises were made, after all.
Narf :)
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