Somewhere in there is a question so important that it had to be obscured with meaningful and possibly very distracting semantic explorations of what a true best friend might be called from various perspectives and if you have read me before, you know this sort of thing could go on for quite some time and even completely wander away from the point that was first started without ever getting to it, especially since I've been living like a refugee renter in other people's spaces for the past year or so, but maybe the exception to the exception will bring us to some point profound before the thread of consciousness completely dissolves in the babbling.
Yes, so anyway, where were we?
The dream friend who stayed (as opposed to the best friends who wandered away because the had the nerve to fall in love or get married or have kids or something like that, I mean, really, ya know?... hopefully you recognize sarcasm when you read it). The best friend I've always imagined and never found. Oh I know I'm not realistic to want someone to be my BFF or real, but hey, why invent a term like BFF if it's not really F, right? Soulmate? Maybe that is what I am really wanting after all because there is that whole all I ever needed was the one song that is part of the soundtrack of this life as I know it for me. Family is more like it though. The family I never had (because I was adopted and am on the outside of the biological connections most people have because my adopted family never really bonded with me the way they bond with each other because, I suppose, biology matters or something like that).
What brought all this on?, you might be wondering...
Well, it was wandering the penpal website I joined way back before the Hurricane (I think), just to use a random time reference. I disappeared as usual, forgetting about the site after writing to a couple of people and getting responses and writing again and not hearing from them again. Not knowing why is always frustrating, but it's usually because they have some sort of wall or prejudice or whatever that closes their mind to sharing with a babbler like me. Ageism is the most frequent factor after babbling too much. Not sharing the same religion or politics or values can be reasons for the sudden silence to. Cowardice, disrespect, rudeness, and insensitivity are the same in every case when someone simply chooses to ignore the words I send without any explanation.
Still, I keep reaching out because I believe there must be people out there like me who do not judge or reject without some sort of explanation. I have one person like me, J, who accepts me as I am and continues sharing. I joined the penpal site to expand my correspondence friends to increase the diversity of the inspiration pen friends can bring. There was a time I wrote to more than a hundred people an I miss learning about many different lives and people and places and perspectives and hopefully I'll find another caring person who will want to stay in touch and get to know me and share who they are.
One of these people will be my friend... I've got to believe, ya know? :)
Can you tell which two I am hoping for most? lol lam :)
Yeah, like a single still photo can really be enough to tell me who might be a friend (we're not talking about physical attraction, lust, and all that jazz because I am not looking for a long distance romance or cyber sex or any sort of superficial fantasy and besides, even if I was, a single photograph, a single frozen facial expression does not provide enough information to determine compatibility or even attraction for my picky libido, but that's another story for another babbling discussion if anyone is interested)... but I do have a soft spot for tree huggers and something in the face second row third column tells me we might relate like long lost family or at least have similar perspectives and the face in the fourth row first column might be able to tolerate me (psychic powers, right? lol). Did I mention those old soul eyes just above? :)
It's all guesswork, actually, but we can find out how well we relate if we decide to share and starting in reality is where I want to start. Dreams can come after we actually get to know each other, ya know? Austria, Greece, China, Japan, California, so much wonder out there. :)
So are we all in love yet?
Yeah, sarcasm and irreverence and self-mockery, get used to it as I laugh at myself and hope we can share the laughter one of these days. So much fun it is to write, after all.