Days Just Keep Happening

And what have I got to say? Maybe not much, it seems, but man what a wino in my dreams? Man what a wino? Talk to text blew that one big time. I wonder what I said. Anyway, some of it is the same old same old, some of it is some new old, most of it is still hanging on to hope. Where is the me I used to be, I wonder, what became of me? The me I was remembers me, but I think I forget. It’s a strange place I live in. What would you do if I sang out of tune? If no one hears me did I fall?

Sometimes.

Most of my free time has been spent playing the games. I seem to have substituted Fishdom for a real live pet. The fish talk to me. Very dumb, I know, gotta drop a whole lot of reality. They send hearts when I touch the screen. They respond even better than real fish (is this not an SNL skit or what?). Somehow it’s comforting. I also like winning. It’s much like Candy Crush from what I hear. It’s just kind of more sort of alive. Anyway when I am not playing Fishdom, I am playing ToonBlast. Do you have a game? And there are some others that fill in the gap‘s. It keeps me off my ass.

Speaking of the pain, it remains the one sure constant in life these days. Nobody knows except you. The doctors don’t seem to care and they can’t find a way to stop it. I’m supposed to try a new doctor but he didn’t call me like the other doctor said he would. I have to find his number and call him I suppose. Always chasing these rich people who don’t help, don't care, but are happy to take money and give out pills. What a society we live in.

I am still under 180 which is very good for the body. I am not on a strict protein shake only diet anymore. I think I mentioned the Brazilian buffet somewhere along the way. I miss food almost as much as I miss love. Would you like to swing on a star?

Today was three 160 cal protein shakes. And a yogurt at midnight. I’m not sleeping much these days. Playing the game, that obsessive part of me, is ruling the roost, so to speak. Yesterday I had three actual meals. I went to a safety seminar and they served very typical American breakfast. Eggs scrambled topped with cheese, hashbrowns, bacon, bread, butter, there was a fruit plate. In lunch was barbecue with mac & cheese and coleslaw and beans. I drink coffee and tea to stay awake. I’ll probably be doing that tomorrow too because I have a finance training.

Oh I forgot dinner I made an onion and cheese omelette with mushrooms. And had two slices of 40 cal bread. And still had a couple protein shakes. So some days I am closer to eating the high fat high carb American diet and some days I am just drinking protein shakes. I want something new. A friend would be nice. Perhaps I’ll find one tomorrow.

Softball continues to occupy Saturdays and Sundays and also Monday evenings. The Saturday games are early afternoon so they kind of have to fit around her life. Who is she? I didn’t say her. Talk to text put in words into my mouth again. Maybe it’s my dream. Anyway Sunday the games are late afternoon. So it cuts into football and social life. Softball is not as much fun socially as it used to be, but I am still addicted to playing as much as ever and wish I could play every day. Just not enough teams. Monday evening is the usual and we are still doing very well. After winning the last season and winning the tournament at the end of the season we started off the season with two wins. The first was a big win, relatively easy, because everybody hit and I pitched lights out. The second was tougher, we didn’t have the defense we had for the first, we didn’t hit as well as we did in the first, but I was still pitching well enough to keep us in it. We had a decent web and the other team came back and took the lead in the top of the last inning. We came back and won it by one run in the bottom of the last inning. So we didn’t play her best game but we still wn, next week.

Next week we play one of the best teams. They had moved up to the upper division for a while, but apparently some of their people left and they didn’t do well last season, so they’ll be back in our division. I play in the lower division, where the ball travels an average of 85 miles an hour.

I don’t expect to win the championship this season, because they added a team of firefighters and they are dominating everyone so far. That could be kind of dangerous, and the coach said we might use the screen in front of the pitching mound when we play them. I will definitely put on my mask if we don’t use the screen. They belong on the upper field and I don’t play up there anymore because my reflexes have slowed and I don’t want to die. LOL

I have not gotten together with the new guy yet. We plan to get together Friday evening to look online for places. We will check each other out and see where goes from there. It would be so nice to have a place I can call home again.

Meanwhile, the world out there is going quite crazy. The misogynists to want to reassert their power and drag our culture back in time. Was it really so much easier for a white man when everyone else was subservient? Such a real sad pathetic way to be. White men are so insecure. The madness of greed and power have taken down every human culture since the aawn of time.

Whenever that was LOL.

I really don’t want to be part of that outside world. I just wish I had someone to share the peaceful honesty I live in.

So I keep stepping out there every now and then to look.

In disguise.

Did I mention I took a shot to the shin last week? I believe I did. It was a very rough night. I couldn’t sleep. The pain was almost enough to get me to go to hospital. The weird thing is, as painful as it was, it hurt more tan any hit before for the first night but started fading after a few days. That’s the difference between a compression fracture I got in February which is still discolored, and not a compression fracture. Sometimes I think my shins are made of something other than flash nerve endings. Maybe I’ve just gotten hit so many times, the pain doesn’t last as long as it used to. But it was a seriously rough night and I wish someone was around.

The days just keep happening, alone, mostly.

Wish you were here.

Narf :)