Avoiding

OK then, so I actually avoided coming here tonight. Or wherever I am. Avoiding writing is definitely not good for me. Challenges though. The air mattress has sprung a week. So there I am laying here for an hour trying to ignore it. Sinking. Sunk in. Expect to be flat on the floor by morning. Just what I needed when I’m trying to economize.

This morning Jackson called crying. Her family's electric was being turned off today if they didn’t pay something like $330. So I paid it. All the more reason not to want to spend money on a new air mattress. But I buy my family, that’s the way life is for me, so why should I stop now. It feels good to give.

I need to decide between spending a little more to have privacy or gambling on a roommate who may or may not pay his share. I can get a place, one bedroom small bit shabby, in a OK, but not great area. No amenities second floor I am definitely not thrilled about the place. But on the other hand it would be my place, private, at least as long as I pay the rent. Private bath. Wow. Matt bath, not Matt, wow. I have little patience for stupid voice to text stupidity.

Where was I?

Pausing, thinking maybe, looking for where in the hell I was.

OK, so deciding on a place. $750 a month, perhaps, unless I can talk her into Wes. Why is this thing fixated with names today,.?!

Unless I can talk her into less.

It’s like talking to an idiot. Not the person I am going to rent from if I take the one bedroom, but this stupid talk to text crap. No wonder I am avoiding.

No patience tonight.

The other alternative, might cost me $600 a month for rent. The difference would pay for utilities. At $750 a month rent it would be well over $900 including utilities and not shared. Unfortunately the potential roommate does not make enough money to pay more than 700 a month. That’s total including all. He only earns less than $1400 a month take-home. There isn’t any real decent place that’s going to be less than $1500 a month if we include utilities. And more likely it will be 16 to $1700 a month.

So the decision is that that that.

I am strongly leaning toward a one bedroom on my own. That means staying here until December 1. That means either finding the hole and patching this in a mattress or buying a new air mattress or something to sleep on. Less savings. Life just loves to throw me curveballs.

Savings is lower than it’s been since I started saving again a year and a half ago. Various expenses, some for me, some for others, have left me going downhill financially again and this bed is definitely annoying. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. The tinnitus has been wired recently allowed recently allowed recently with crap

The tinnitus has been loud recently I don’t believe this

The tinnitus has been loud recently.

That would make finding the hole in this era mattress all the more difficult. Once again

This voice to text sucks.

Just when I’m starting to find my thoughts and get on a roll, it stops and I have to press the microphone button again. I suppose that’s a memory of limitation or something like that. I don’t know where of came from.

With every mistake I stop lose my train of thought and start again.

This air mattress is sinking way too fast dammit.

If I didn’t have to work tomorrow I suppose I’d be laughing a little. I would definitely be out buying a new air mattress. I may do that anyway. So I won’t sleep tonight, tomorrow is Friday, and if I fall asleep at my desk or get fired Amanda Palmer Street, at least I have a new air mattress. Who the fuck is Amanda Palmer?

It seems my writing these days is more about voice to text when about anything else.

So the best feeling I had today was helping Roxanne. Jackson. This thing really is fixated with names today. I don’t know why, it’s never been inserting peoples names before. Perhaps they should be paranoid and consider that the phone and everything else in life is hacked and controlled by some power outside of me. That would completely suck. I mean, what’s the point of life if someone else is living it for you. Reliving it through you. That’s probably why I don’t bye too much of the usual stuff. Buy in to the usual stuff. So what now?

I keep starting new paragraphs, and this stupid new text talk to text crap keeps eliminating the lines.

That’s why am not posting much in blogs these days, because I don’t want to spend time editing all this crap. I just want to be able to talk and have what I say recorded accurately and then I can just simply push a button and post it. As it is though, I cannot trust this voice to text technology to type out what I am actually saying. So I’m not posting. So I feel more alone than ever.

Like anybody really gives a damn.

I mean, in case it really matters to whom?

I wish that was just cynicism, but reality is what reality is and nobody comments, nobody acknowledges that I exist out here on the Internet, so why bother?

Wow, excuses and stupid thinking and blaming technology, thanks talk to text. lol.

When the other side of the coin flips over and reminds me that my friend from way over on the other side of the world recently reached out in another blog that I started just for a few close friends online. The blog family, anybody remember? She does. We are motley crew of misfits. Perhaps we should in more of them it appears, I certainly pass for reasonably normal in order to keep a job and maintaining some social interactions. But inside I don’t feed him at all anywhere.

I don’t fit in at all.

I guess somebody’s hungry. Speaking of hungry, I’ve been eating a little more than I was during the extreme...


Well, that ended suddenly and I have no idea wy. Did I fall asleep? Did Talk-to-text do it? Did the phone battery die? Did aliens steal the words? Does it matter?

Narf :)