Lonely (Part 2)

You can read part one if you want, it's the previous entry. Meanwhile, I mentioned that I hear noises outside. Some kids on a minibike having fun. Maybe that’s what I should do. Have fun. But then it’s after one a.m. bad it is wow now I never said bad it is. I said after all it’s 1 AM it is. I sometimes hear noises in the house too, I don’t know if it’s Eb moving around, I don’t know if he can hear me rambling on at night like this. He doesn’t mention it, just as if anyone is reading over his words, you don’t mention it either. It could be critters in the attic space. In any case, I must admit, I don’t know what I would say to all this rambling if someone else was writing it. Maybe you and I understand. I would probably have a lot to say LOL 1 a.m.

That’s just the way I am.

Hey, so do you want to put on a show? Yeah LOL, I wish so much I had friends who would say something like that to me. Like Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland movies, or something like that. I would like to swing on a star. Carry moonbeams home in a jar. And all that jazz.

Still the same old story. Wondering if anybody will listen to it.

I realize tonight, when I took a look at my blog, where I went almost a whole month without noting the food I was eating. Then I realized I also went almost a whole month without losing more weight. Staying under 180 is a good thing, but I am atrophying, vegetating and that is not a good thing. I must motivate myself to get to the gym daily.

Say it again. I must motivate myself to get to the gym. Daily.

Anyway, the other daily blogs, in case it matters, I’ve also been neglected them this past month. Even though I am babbling into the phone much more often than I usually do. The words are not getting copied and pasted into a file and edited and uploaded into blog posts. I wonder why that is. Most likely it is one of my fuck the world stages. Oh not in the sense of I want to destroy anything, but in the sense of where if nobody cares why should I? But to clarify I always care, it’s just the way I am, so I mean more if nobody cares why should I show that I do. I’m living my life, enjoying each moment, and I don’t have to reach out to anyone because what’s the point if nobody's there? If nobody cares why would I want to share with them anyway.

But then rises the old voice in my head. Wow that line took a strange turn.

But then, but all the voice in my head speak up (in harmony, of course) why wouldn’t clear. Her ha ha. I suppose all the voices is more accurate LOL, but I said that all the voice in my head. Strange talk to text does not want to type old. So I just move your lawn, the target after all, it’s where the bull’s-eye Lance. Tough to go wrong with that philosophy LOL.

Back to bed voice in my head, though what?

Maybe voice to text is getting tired. In any case, again,

That dream of sharing returns to consciousness. That hunger for interaction. That longing for love. To love and be loved unconditionally without you have vision or restriction, without inhibition or restriction, with completely open honesty. Where is this close to the energy of the eternal infinity that I can imagine. Depeche Mode called that drug. At least I thought it was Depeche Mode, it very well could’ve been somebody else. Not the river. Wow I say the VR, and outcomes of the van, the river, the Villa, anything but the Villa. VEVE. VE wow TH comes out as we consistently. Talk to text has a big flaw. V. VR. Ever.

It is almost as if someone else is talking.

THE. THE.

That was more work than it was worth. Might as well ask is that Metallica LOL

Where are the good old days when somebody understood my jokes. Reminiscing can be so much fun. Why be sad when the memories are so hopeful. We don’t have to remember the pain. It was plenty of joy, peace, euphoria, and happiness along the way. Just choose to remember that, and there’s plenty of hope for more.

Don't get me wrong, I can wallow in their deep dark abyss of self pity and sorrow, morning everything I’ve lost. Better than most probably. I mean how many people have taken years to focus on doing just that? Well, then again, not just that. Actually all the years that I did not work, and just played, and wrote, and sang, and just enjoyed life, I also explored the darkness and the sorrow of self prophetic depression were years I would never want to give back.

I only went down so that I could come up again.

Ashleigh Brilliant.

Strange singer. LOL period.

I don’t want to believe that anyone ever really did want to hurt me. Or make me cry. I’ve just not been lucky enough to find people who could relate to me and my interests. My curiosity is insatiable and it always outpaced everyone I’ve been with. No one figured out how to hold me down. Yet no one cared to be the wind beneath my wings either. At least not yet. There’s the hope again. :-)

Who is going to come out tomorrow. Well I did say the sun will come out tomorrow but, who will come out tomorrow is just as good a fuck. Wow I said just as good I thought. LOL. I guess talk to text messes sex too. LOL Mrs. sex wow that is prudish of you.

I don’t want to married women
I don’t want little girls
I don’t want to mess with Buzzin? Massive?
I just want someone to be my world.

I don’t know why talks to text continuously takes away the new lines and the new paragraphs I put in. Very distracting. It would be annoying if I was paying attention. But there’s that hope again. Where is that Hope again. There is a bat hope again. What us to Broadway to write.

Huh?

Obviously overtired. And I don’t mean me LOL. What was I saying back there anyway. Oh yes there’s that help again. Hope again. That hope that someone will come along and care and edit me. The editor. I dream of her almost as much as I dream of the one. LOL

I’m going to send this now. Even though I don’t feel finished and I still have more words babbling away. But I think wrap the email is getting too long or four of the farm. And that might be why talk to text is screwing up so much.

Maybe

Narf :)