Until it gets edited...
Wow, this started so long ago and I finally started posting years later and it has been years since... we can wonder why if you want to, but for the moment, since you are not asking (at the moment of this writing in case someone does not know how relative time is on the internet as I write and may edit and post at three separate times and you likely read at a a fourth time and, well, time is relative as it is, but even more so in blogs on the internet. Still the time date stamp may be accurate sometimes, which just adds to the relativity and amuses me as most things do eventually while I am writing... it's why I write, in case you wondered and didn't know, among other reasons, but I believe digression shall conclude now and whatever it is I came here to write might actually happen), we'll just continue with whatever I came here to write.
This girl (official site) inspired me to comment and want to remember my comments and since that is why I started this particular blog concept some million years ago (long before the internet, actually, when copy and paste was copy and punch holes, by hand, even), I came here (make sense, aye?). One of these days this may turn into the About This Blog page with less specifics about the origin of this particular return, but for now, let's go with the flow of this momentary inspiration and we may subtitle it Janet Through the Internet, just for the fun of the word play (and a touch of actual identification too).
Since this blog is about comments, most specifically comments I leave on the web that I want to remember or comments left for me that I want to remember, let's get to the comments I've left lately, most specifically, the comments that inspired me to want to come back here and remember them. Then, as I have no filter or sense of ending, I just may comment on the comments. Are you excited yet? lol lam. No worries, we can mock me together if we get bored or feel in any way awkward.*
OMG, an asterisk. Haven't seen one of those in a while. You will find a references to the asterisk at the bottom of this entry, in case you wondered. and a paragraph aside that is actually a parentheses starting with OMG, OMG! This is another ultra-rarity, in case your didn't know (new to my written gardens? Try to relax and be patient, it's a long strange trip that no one has ever taken with me and perhaps no one has ever fully explored and it has many potholes and broken links and can only be reached in part through the internet archive, but the writing (and babbling and rhyming) has been going on since I could first hold a crayon and so The Written Gardens as I pompously (but sincerely) call it all have been growing for decades and the written gardens online started when AOL was a baby and the blog world I loosely call mine and more can be found here, for now, in case it matters).
Returning here started with a culmination of feeling like I want to remember the comments inspired over the past few days by a recent child (you may know and if you didn't, now you will, that when I call someone a child, it is one of the highest compliments I can give and I'll explain another time if you are interested), as her performance style is unique and very appealing to me (earlier this year she made it to Random Pop News, waking that blog too) and her vulnerability on camera is genuinely believable to me (you know about my quest for honesty, right?... we all have our windmills, even if most bury them and pretend to forget) and every dozen or so songs touch me even deeper than the last one that inspired a comment, and this next one cut to the core and connected with the words in this blog as I was writing them. Coincidence is such a thrill, if you experience it without any fear (actually so is most of life). So this entry will be a series of comments left over the past few days starting with this one. The inspiration may be included as a link or embedded, as the muses see fit.
OMG... I've heard this so many times... was it just in my head? Such deep sadness and yet... If I could explain why I laugh a most peaceful genuine content laugh in a few words, I would, but suffice to say oh wow, thank you, and shared understanding is such a comforting experience, even on the internet. My lifetime euphoria is believing it all turns out amazing in the end, even if we'll never know, even if it doesn't matter, may you find some hope, peace, and euphoric joy in knowing and remembering that we only go down so that we can go up again :)
Yes, that is yet another OMG opening. OMG! Right? Laugh and the world laughs with you? Look, I haven't been to the gym yet today because I feel compelled to put this entry together so bear with me, illusionary obsession is a delicate balance. Everything is all in our heads, after all, and my imagination provides an infinite playground that sometimes spills out into words on the web and I do my best to express the limitless devotion of my caring with great care because there laws, ya know? (if you are not laughing, go away lol, or at least read on and more than this entry before you call the authorities cuz my primary philosophy in life is honesty without harm and I always do my best to actualize that in everything I do at every moment... sheesh, a disclaimer, how human lol lam).
Anyway, back to the video, comment, and commenting in general, my hope is the person receiving the comment understands. Especially that one as I sense some sort of kindred spirit who understands sharing is caring and if we did, it would be mutually beneficial, possibly amazing, and probably profound. So I start the potential interaction with comments on youtube because that is the way of the world these days, or at least one of them.
This next comment was left on Janet's Spotify, at least according to my cut and pasted notes.
Sometimes I think you are acting, as all singer-performers do (because nobody can "live" the words to every sing they sing). Sometimes I just want to hold you (emotionally) and heal you, believing your heart was broken for real so deeply. Silly as it may seem, I want to help. :)
That could simply be the empathy I feel listening to (or singing) emotional words. My hope is you never feel the pain of most of the words you sing, except during the song. My hope is also that you continue to express the sings the way you do. Thank you for Janetizing so many songs. You choose well and you bring new, unique, beautiful life to the words. Please continue.
Between that comment and this entry, I cut and pasted the following links into my notepad and I have no idea what they lead to. I wonder if finding out will add to or detract from the point of this entry (which seems to be multi-faceted at once recording comments left for an individual and explaining this blog and explaining something about myself and who knows... shall we see?).
After I finish listening/watching this aaaaaaand (think Yacko Warner) this.
....
As if a commercial interlude was needed, or perhaps proof that my imaginary obsessions are not singular and youtube knows that and offers next videos that they know I will enjoy (unlike CBS Online, but that is why CBS fails online where youtube thrives, and further digression will not occur, I think), I love her talent too.
Of course I could be wrong as I let a youtube playlist continue and mixed in with Janet this favorite pops up next followed by this classic (in my personal musical world), followed by another favorite, though others from the same show reach much closer to the core, and then, this variation of one of my core songs keeps me smiling and listening to the playlist they put together for me. The mood turns amused as irony follows which somehow leads me to reminisce and watch this and laugh. All that and I return to the serious blissful melancholy sound and hope of this Janet cover.
Sometimes I really have no idea why I become obsessed with someone I've never met. It happens with singers all the time. From Elton John and Barbara Streisand to Melanie and Melissa Etheridge to Billy Joel and Lori Carlson to Emma Blackery and Janet Devlin to Judy Garland and Andy Williams to Stevi Nicks and Michael Crawford to Linda Ronstadt and Dan Fogelberg to Brandi Carlisle and Jackson Brown to Justin Hayward and John Lodge to John Denver and so many others, zany I am. I used to respond to SPAM, remember? No just singers, though, right Sarah Silverman? Still some songs reach so deep into me. Did I neglect to mention Elvis? Or John Lennon, for that matter. Of course I am teasing, Harry Chapin tops them all.
So falling into Janet Devlin's rabbit hole this weekend, I let her originals and covers take me into myself and I sense she may experience songs as I used to, swallowed whole only to come back out after the song gleeful to have experienced it so completely, no matter the song. Songs are so amazing when you let them swallow you whole, especially as you gasp for breath while singing them. I have yet to see her lay into one without careful articulation and emotional control. Professionalism, and still, I wonder what more she can do behind those eyes.
All in all, it was a good choice to listen to Janet instead of watching TV. Maybe it is something about her apparently incorrigible positive attitude. I know that I love the vulnerabiity she exudes. I see it as honesty without harm (you may have heard that phrase before if you read me) and wonder how much of that is my perception and how much is accurately her. I sense an empathy in her that I relate to very deeply. Again, whether it is my imagination or really her is not known, but I enjoy it. In any case, these are the comments and the videos that inspired them which was the start of wanting to remember the comments (so I cut and pasted them into a notepad file) then, waking up, I remembered this blog and felt inspired to open it to put the comments here.
She doesn't only sing, she also vlogs and that inspired me to write...
I understand now more literally what I see that keeps me coming back. Empathy can seem like a burden, but I would not trade it for anything. It can be so challenging feeling the human condition and feeling the planet at this point in time, but I've tried numbing myself to my senses and awareness and that is a bad trip. So I write it. The words release the pain and set me free. You may now the daily cycle too. Celebrate your empathy and you may come to understand that the world may call it depression, but feeling it all is a blessing. I celebrate the pain, the sadness, the sensual visceral awareness of the state of the world because feeling it all is what life is about and somehow, in the end, I find myself simply amused, gleeful, euphoric.
If I am rationalizing, shhhh, it works for me ;)
Unscripted vlogging about personal matters that most keep secret shows the power of youtube, and while the reality of the fear and intolerance and the fact that she does not separate herself from the ingorance inspired a few words...
The limited definition of love and the fear of sexuality is one more sad aspect of humanity at this point in time. Dan Fogelberg's 'Part of the Plan' plays in my mind. May you learn to keep other people's fears and limits, no matter who they are, out of your head and accept yourself as you are in every way. Applause for your honesty. Hug for your vulnerability. Patience for . Love for your love.
It was then that youtube offered fuel for sadness as I enjoyed all the unpolished realness of a small room live concert by Delores O'Riordan who's voice and songs have brought me much emo thought and fun and along those lines, Sinead O'Conner tears me up with this song every time (youtube seemed to be through an Irish wake for a while) and the small desk concert format continued to surprise me on this playlist with another and another old favorite and another and, well, what can say... youtube knows me :)
So wrapping up this ramble, wow.
*Like this, only amused by the relativity of it all...
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