Yeah, So?

Yeah, so I still want to believe you are out there and that is what brings me back here tonight. You could be anyway, in case you wondered who you are. You could be an old friend or lover who stumbled across this blog suddenly or maybe who stays connected in your mind by reading now and then (I mean, if you are obsessed and stalking, you really ought to let me know so I can enjoy the torture too, right?) or you might be someone I've never met in life who just wants to feel less alone and somehow reading my constant babbling helps you do that. You could be someone else. That's likely, but then, you could also be me. Simultaneously? That would be a neat trick, but then, I wouldn't be lonely then, would I?

Getting metaphysically confused yet?

All I ever wanted was the one, remember? And I've had to be my the one for me for so long that I may never find anyone who cares to take the time to know me as well as I do. Still, here I am, reaching out again in my way, hoping for response, for attention, for love. To love and be loved, that's how it all began and it seems inevitable that it will end in the same refrain. To love and be loved is why I am here.

I really should be sleeping.

A little moth has been living in this space for a while. Maybe it has been in the closet and cleaning the closet disturbed it's little world. Maybe it has a family in there. I haven't killed it yet. I am a murdered, after all. I am, have you never killed anything? Taken a life? Do you look into the eyes of the fish or other living beings you eat? I do. Sometimes I say thank you. I don't particularly want to be a murderer, but I want to continue living and something got to die so I can live. Feelings get hurt sometimes.

So I went to Facebook and left a few comments. Nothing profound, just a touch of wisdom and/or folly, depending on perspective. Less than 4 hours sleep if I fall asleep now. Thirsty. Will no one stay awake with me? Craving interaction, that much, I am, that I am even willing to risk the fire and brimstone that Facebook has become.