Fatigue

Good fatigue though, as I spent two hours at the gym tonight. Yes Saturday night alone at the gym. I am glad I am lucky that my job offers a free gym. Two, actually. Anyway, I did an hour on elliptical at 6.41 mph which is the fastest I’ve done yet. Since today was a low-calorie day, I felt the muscle fatigue. The stamina wasn’t bad. I suppose I have to push harder. After the elliptical, I played with the weights for a while. My arms are amazingly week. The 10 pound dumbbells were all I would work with until I went to lower weights. Muscle tone and strength have diminished considerably with this large weight loss. I know I should’ve been working out while I was losing the weight, but nobody’s perfect, right? LOL

I peddled the exercise bike for a bit while I watch the rest of a couple of college football games. Surprising outcomes in a few. Our local team UCF continues to roll now 707 and oh well voice to text can’t handle that in any case seven wins no losses and 20 wins in a row over more than two seasons. Announcers debated about how good were they are and how worthy they are of a higher ranking and too many agreed they aren’t worthy in spite of them beating a top team, Auburn, at the end of last season. Did I mention they beat Auburn handily? In any case I understand they don’t have the best schedule however that is not all their fault. Last year there toughest game was canceled because of a hurricane and this year one of the toughest games was canceled because of a hurricane. Also tough teams don’t want to play UCF, they’d rather have easy marshmallow wins in there out of conference Games. So we shall see what happens as the season progresses. Jackson is an alumni and serious UCF fan with season tickets. I used to go with her and had season tickets to, but not since she fell in love and goes with her fiancé.

I definitely need to grow my cool friends. Pool of friends. Pool. I have quite a few actually, at least a dozen people that I could call just about anytime to ask if they want to do something. Probably more. They just don't do what I like to do much. And at least a few who I could call anytime if there’s an emergency. Maybe. Still no one really gets deep. None visit my writing (unless you do secretly). Most just stay in the shallows and stay busy with work and their lives. I suppose that’s what most people do, perhaps everyone. Perhaps that’s why we look for that one intimate person in a relationship. I would give just about everything to find a partner in this life, and I’ve tried many ways, many times, giving everything, but I haven’t been that lucky. On some levels I am too picky, my standards are too high, but the heart and mind want to be satisfied and I’ve yet to meet anyone who satisfies both. I ask myself why bother with the relationship, if it’s just going to be unsatisfying in the end. I don’t like him, and none of my heartstrings have M&Ms, but most and where did Eminem’s come from.

It’s probably the fan that is distorting voice to text tonight. I can see it is providing a lot of background noise. But Eb has the thermostat up at 83, I should say down at 83, since he had it at 86 for several days, and the humidity is very high outside in the windows are open. Not much longer.

So just a protein shake yesterday, and a very low-calorie meal today, and the work out combined to leave me fatigued but feeling very good. The scale here said 176.8. The digital scale at the gym said 177.6. And the beam balance scale at the gym said 179. That’s the first time I got the beam balance scale under 180. I hope to keep it there. The meal was a bag of onions, a bag of cauliflower rice, and two pieces of flounder. The onions and the Collie flower where maybe 100 cal. So the meal was probably under 300 cal. That’s all for today except for a couple of protein shakes. So it’s a 500 cal day.

Tomorrow is softball, So I will make sure I drink a couple of extra protein shakes, and possibly eat more calories. Depending on how I feel. I really want to be 170 before Thanksgiving. That’s 170 consistently, perhaps under 170 consistently before Thanksgiving. I intend on enjoying food during the holidays. And if I can maintain the 180 for this long, I’d like to be under 170 and maintain that for at least a few weeks before the holiday meals start. On the other hand Red Lobster has there all you can eat shrimp deal going on, and Outback has steak and all-you-can-eat shrimp going on, and I intend on doing both in the next few weeks.

Maybe.

Rest Beuten is back in town, bats Rasputin. Yes so anyway, Rasputin is back in town and if he gets a job soon he should be another dinner partner. Maybe. Helen found a new job, which is just like her not being out of work for more than a few days, that’s a good thing for her, so she will be happy to join me at either place. Maybe. There is a choice of several others who enjoy dining out. I could make it a group event, but we shall see. Maybe.

The new roommate texted today again. I wasn’t going anywhere and I suppose he wasn’t either because he didn’t text until the evening. I wonder if he is considering that he can’t afford any of the decent places. I should say potential new roommate since I have not found a place that he can afford. I am also leaning more towards the one bedroom, even though it is more money than I wanted to spend on rent. If I do it for year I will save what I can which will be at least $1500 less then I would save if I shared a smaller place rather a 2 Bedroom Pl, but the privacy and living as I wish to live will be like heaven.

If there is such a thing.

Wow the fan really does make a lot of background noise. But it is definitely way too warm to not have the fans on tonight. I don’t need it down to 72 or even 75, I’m very comfortable at 80 even, most of the time I am very comfortable at 78°, most of the time. I will need to figure out where to put the washer and dryer though, which means I might have to pay for storage or have the washer dryer moved upstairs by movers for the time I am at the one bedroom place. Maybe. That means it they will take up space and I will have to pay to have them moved again. The second floor is the primary drawback keeping me from confirming the one bedroom. I wonder if my friend will go less than she originally said because of that. I can only hope.

The body is really tired, but I’m not that sleepy. Softball isn’t until 1 PM tomorrow so I don’t have to leave here until noon, so I don’t have to be awake too early. I am just too tired to do much of anything else right now so I’m laying here and voice writing. I didn’t unpack several boxes tonight. And I got all my laundry done except for the sheets last night. So there is much to do.

I’d like to fall asleep before the muscles get to achy because they are hungry. If I don’t eat tonight I should lose a pound or two after softball tomorrow and perhaps a little more gym. I’d like to be able to go get real food and do the gym tomorrow. We shall see how my willpower is and how my motivation is. It would be so much easier if I had an athletic partner or even a cheerleader. But I know I do it for me primarily and I don’t need anyone else. I just want to share so much that not sharing aches.

I listened to Janet Devlin as a couple of blog posts will point out. She is a child my child inside can enjoy as her words touched me and her music is fun. Moreover, her personality is open and honest as I’ve said elsewhere. While it could all be a show on the internet, I sense genuine vulnerability and sincerity in her words and causes. Ultimately though, I sense she is very confused and tied down by her religious upbringing and the closed minds that judge her (luck of the Irish, not). I know very few people who live their lives free of guilt nd shame, without empowering others fears or their own self-doubts, in fact I know of none. I just would love to find one. Anyway, Janet's music and video blogs kept me interested and amused so I thank her for that. I think she would be a good friend. Though it would likely be yet another adoption for me. You can ask what I mean by that if you don’t already know because it is very much part of the story of my life and the story of every relationship I’ve ever known. Adopted family is all the family I've ever had, as far as I know. Being an independent child right from the start leaves me with very few peers.

There are several internet personalities who I feel could be adopted family and possibly friends, but they are far away am busy with very busy lives. Uniquely, Janet response to comments very consistently, even to complete strangers. I left a few and she responded to one, the one on her most recent post. I can understand her not responding to comments on old posts but I left a few anyway. As I mentioned, you can find more about my journey through her YouTube in my blogs. I should visit more often.

I am rambling on now because I am not sleepy, yet I am tired physically. The muscles will demand food if I get up and do things and I really don’t want to put more calories in the body this late. It is after midnight after all. In fact it is 1:34 AM and while I am a bit wired, I’d like to get a full 8 to 9 hours sleep tonight. So I’d like to be fast to sleep in the next hour.

I’ll send this now as voice to text is being taxed to it’s limits.

Happy Birthday PJ...

Narf :)