Home, Not Home (Away From Home)

You may have heard hat there are a bunch of draft entries waiting for finishing and uploading, but I am not waiting for them as I forge ahead with my return to blogging (if comes and goes these days, as you may have noticed, or not. Anybody out there? Anybody out there who wants to let me know you are out there? I still appreciate you, even if you don't (I know, nothing to say, but I love you all the same).

So I take a day off (two, actually), to relax at Jackson's place while pet-sitting while they are out of town and it becomes clearer than ever that staying home from work is easy, but feeling at home is not. ( am beginning to feel at home at my place, though the lack of privacy and close proximity of the kids routinely passing through what is called "my space" does not give me the sense that it is actually my space.

Here, it's a different kind of feeling, a feeling as if I am intruding, interloping, something like that. Mostly because I have never actually been invited over to spend any time here with Jackson and her partner, but also because the dog seems to be attached to my hip every time I move. Maybe he doesn't feel at home with me, or maybe it's the extreme co-dependency in the air. Insecurity or neediness or what... could it be me and a vib I put out? I am self-contained, independent, and trust no one, but I also long for infinite bonding with someone (deep down, I seldom let that desire surface anymore). Is that why some find me repulsive and no one comes near?

Ummmm, who ordered up the introspection? lol? Was that deeper than this? Ah, brevity, thy gentle foe. Everything can be so much better without details, dirt, and drama, aye? Here, however, we sink below the surface into the muck of life, or something like that.

Anyway, back to the current space, Polo, the dog, doesn't eat unless I hand feed him his food. The house and bedroom is as they leave it, bed unmade and litter box in shower. Is it because they are ok with my sleeping on their slept-on sheets and pillows and moving everything anywhere I want? Maybe they don't even think of that level of trust and intimacy they provide, but I hardly know Jackson's partner and it is her house. It's nice to be trusted, even if we barely know each other and never really talked. It's transference trust I guess, as Jackson trusts e as much as she trusts anyone.

Not impressed with Spectrum cable at all, https://backgroundtv.blogspot.com/2019/07/bad-spectrum-bad-syfy.html


So the day moved on and more home, not home, happened. wasted the afternoon on a wild goose chase thanks to horrible customer service from Quest Diagnostics, a lab company. It tok three phone calls and almost an hour just to get to speak with a national call center that was now helpful, in fact, they wasted more of my time (and gas) sending me to a closed location after I went to another closed location and al that began because my local office that I usually go to was closed for renovations. I've got to try again tomorrow and may have to call my doctor's office for a third time to have them fax the order to whatever location I end up at.

For no apparent reason, I stumbled upon tiny houses and someday, I'd like to live in one. Of course the government would not like that for whatever reason (lack of green thinking, greed for higher tax dollars, who knows) but there was ways.

Speaking og no apparent eason, have no idea why this is here. I think I was looking for the different types of ice, or... whatever.

I've obviously lost my way..

Narf :)