Ok, so finding that song (whatever) lead me to Emma who always perks me up because I love her video personality (and her eyes) and while I don't love the ADHD look, I am a sucker for it which is not the greatest weakness in my attraction quotient or whatever. I think I miss her gap. Wish she would make more eye contact. Mostly, it's her sense of humor that keeps me smiling. Maybe in an Eeyor or Marvin the robot kind of way, but the world sucks , so how could anyone aware of anything not reflect the sorrow and madness and self-loathing (you know how much I love self-mockery, right?) but she tries so hard and her vulnerability (ah, another box on my weakness list checked off), oh, she just begs to be loved with every breath and while that neediness is appealing to the savior in me, it's also probably a trap I would regret falling into (let me count the ways). I would love to find and get to know her ego (if we could find it - nudge nudge). Ok, so I have an hour of few of fun distraction now. Back in a bit.
I so want to play in her imagination, but the rambling, oh, the babbler loves her most of all :)
Of course I know that is partly the editing, I mean, who just rambles on for 100,000 words without taking a breath? Why are you all looking at me? lol lam... Ok, back to her, is she or is she not fleeting or has she just been around a long time (and what is a long time, I mean, Linda sang long long time a long long time ago, but if five years us a long time and fifty years is a long long time, what is a long long long time? I mean, is it exponential? Multiples of ten? Where are the rules for this? How can we communicate properly or accurately without some rules, after all. To a fruit fly, a month is a long long time. To a mayfly, a day is a lifetime. And what if you lived a million days? What would be a long time then? Time is so relative. Yes, whateverish... there's more to come... in time). :)
I think I might have wandered off on a tangent.
Yup, I think the universe (via youtube) brought Emma around today to remind me that it could be worse and we just need to hold on sometimes... letting go and moving on has it's place, but not inside... holding on to the deepest dreams, the reason for living, that is the answer... and I still believe in love even when I am alone, someone will believe with me if i hold on and keep believing... this is still inside... I mean whatever, i babble through it...
An unnatural excitement just rushed through me as the recycling garbage truck just picked up the recycling garbage that has been full for weeks. I was not sure of which day pickup was and kept forgetting to check online and The Maharaja is so busy with projects out of the house that he forgets and I forget to ask him so when I woke this morning and remembered to check the web and found out today was pick up day for recycling I was sad that it was after the time the website said to put the can at the curb but I put the can on the curb anyway because I kinda sorta remember a garbage truck coming in the middle of the day and hoped that was the recycling pick up so I went outside to see if others had their cans at the curb and only one house across the street did and their cans were emptied already but it looked like a can a block or so down the street might not have been emptied (though it was very hard to tell because it was so far away) so I rolled our can out there anyway with hop... hope is good... and the garbage truck just picked up our recycling. Yay!
whatever, yeah whatever, it's a good place to live...
They use electric garbage trucks in this neighborhood. Very green of them. I like this neighborhood, even though it is expensive and has very minimal shopping (and it is expensive) and nothing is open past 9pm except the sports bar (a few places say they are open until 10pm, but they are often closed earlier, even on weekends... did I mention it is expensive?). It is a very quiet very residential very sleepy community, but just a couple of miles from downtown (where there is, you guessed it, expensive fun) so if I had money to burn, it would be great. The suburbs I was living in for the last 4 years is better for the wallet and variety of eating and for late night eating and for softball, so I am not completely set on staying here (or anywhere really as everything can change as far as best location to live ones I find a job again), but it's really great in many ways (not just because The Maharaja is one of the most generous kind and simple people I know and really compatible as a roommate for me).
Yeah, whatever lol.
Spent the day listening to youtube so thank you Emma Blackery for the inspiration to babble (and remember good things). Buy Her Stuff!. I listened to this playlist and encourage you to take some time for yourself and focus your heart and mind on writing songs. Whatever happened in your relationship or over the summer of 2016, let it out, pour it into your creativity, give it wings and let it fly out of you so it doesn't bury you. Yeah, I could say the same thing to myself, aye? What did I write in that survey? I only cut and pasted this:
Stay true to yourself, remember your music - especially "Perfect" - work through the depressing thoughts and believe in yourself. The world is a depressing place these days, live through it, shine your light, we all need the real - the anger, the hope, the push to keep holding on and believing it will get better if we make it better.
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
. . .
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