Pain Squared

I want to ignore it, really I do. I am seriously trying too. The last time I felt this much pain was when I broke my ankle. I still have a bruise on my right shin from a hit by a softball several weeks ago, at least. Tonight the left shin took a hit that hurts more than, well, I already described the pain scale more or less. I so hope the bone did not break. That would be terrible timing with softball season already underway in two leagues and two other leagues starting very soon and a tournament in a couple of weeks and fuck suck duck, it hurts.

I'm not helping, am I?

This is the loneliest of the lonelies, hurting with no one to care. Can I get you anything? Can I refresh your ice pack? Do you want a drink? Can I just sit with you and distract you? Nope, none of that sort of caring in this life for me.

So I wrote to Jackson...

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ...

I know, we don't email, we barely talk, we text only certainly times of certain days, but I still believe you care anytime so this is just my pat on the head and ice bag and drink and hug and hope I feel all better from you that I know is in your heart.

It really hurts. I took a shot to the right shin a bunch of weeks ago and it's still bruised, but the pain was not nearly this bad and it only lasted about two weeks and it didn't interfere with walking or playing or batting or pitching or running or anything. Tonight it hurts. The only hurt that hurt more like this was the broken ankle. So I want sympathy.

So I make myself some imaginary sympathy and nursing out of my memory of your heart.

Hope you don't mind :)

Hope you are laughing. :)

It helps :)

Thanks for starting a new game too. That was amazingly right on time as I had just sat down and felt so alone and have nobody who really cares to help if I did need help so suddenly there you were distracting me from the pain with a game like my grandma used to do (we played gin) when I was sick when I was little.

Emo, ok, we know I am emo, but thank you :)

No worries, I'll survive. As long as my worst fears don't happen lol. Hug, thank you for staying in my life.

And (something personal about her sister and money), m'ok? :)

I'm here for you too, in case you ever forget (like I might let you lol... I wonder if you ever have any doubts).

Ok, I need more distraction. I need drugs. I don't want drugs. Or alcohol. Maybe a hammer to the head. Naaa, that won't work either. I'm too hard headed.

Thank you for reading and caring and helping me try to distract myself.

I'm going to look for an inexpensive amputation now ;)

Ouch.

Honest ouch.

honest love,
ric

Hey, this is my great self-destruction, get yer own :)

Narf :)