Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Exploding Mind

So many thoughts are vying for my attention at the moment (and that's happening a heck of a lot these days) that the excitement n the synapses is bringing silliness into focus and everything else out of focus, but what may be a waste of time for most is way too much fun for me because I don't have the time to enjoy it all these days or at the moment, even.

So did you credit the madness?

Seriously, do you really wanna know what love is?

Show me.

I really must take this cold bug more seriously as it is worming it's way into the throat and gums which makes eating most everything more challenging and foods that linger in the mouth (anything but liquids, essentially) are just feeding the bag and tearing down the gums and throat... a vicious cycle that could get very painful and cost me teeth if I don't take it seriously so I must mouth-rinse with an antiseptic mouthwash as often as possible, like five times an hour (not possible at work tomorrow as there is an emergency management center hurricane drill I must participate in and be alert, be alert, be alert... when will I sleep?).


Yes, the cough from the post nasal drip continues to flare up as the body continues to flush the sinuses so sleep in this lace without a cough or recliner is very challenging and not as restful as the body needs to heal itself. So the cold continues to linger and move around and takes it's toll. I see much more clearly now how old people succumb to pneumonia and other simple common cold type diseases now.

So lonesome I could cry, for sure. Still don't want to die though. Just too danged stubborn, dammit.

My work days are running close to ten hours now. The extra half hour picking up and dropping off the county car adds on to an 8-5 schedule that consistently starts before 8 and ends after 5. I am supposed to take an hour for lunch, but I've never found that fits into my work life as I do not like to turn off what I am doing and just vegetate or recreate in the middle of the work flow. So the county gets about 50 hours a week in an ordinary week. This work ethic thing sucks the life out of a playful child.

I picked up Jackson and Brandy at the airport. The round trip was 104 miles. Brandy listened to her iPhone most of the trip and Jackson and I chatted. I kept trying to pull Brandy into the conversation, but she just seems shy or maybe she is just giving Jackson and me space pr maybe she just doesn't like me or maybe she's just that shy. They are made for each other, because Jackson is the shyest person I know. Someday I hope Brandi will see me as family because Jackson is my only family (based o the level of trust and commitment, not based on blood ties or even on interactions or contact. It is my choice and she is stuck with it. She used to say I was stuck with her before she met Brandy. Somewhere inside her, no matter how little we see each other, my sister needs me and wants me around.

So many thoughts. So little time. And I must sleep.

I will lay down now and leave you these words.

Narf too.

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