Can We Get Any Bloatier?

A whole rising crust pepperoni pizza with eight ounces of extra cheese and a little less than a quart of whole chocolate milk and a bunch of M&Ms for desert. A slice of leftover pepperoni mushroom onion pizza as an appetizer. Bloat. Bloaty boat bloat. Two hundred eighteen (218) pounds two days ago at the doctor's (in full clothing with full wallet and all keys, but still, bloaty bloat bloat (if I wasn't 218 naked then, I'm probably there now).

Maybe I should have called this Fat Man Blues

My skin is too tight
My body's too small
had pizza tonight
and I just had to eat it all

Oh I'm a fat man baby,
I've got the bloated belly blues

Organs exploding
I'm speaking in toungues
over-carb-loading
no more room for air in my lungs

Oh I'm a fat man baby
I've got the fat man blues
Honey did you hear the news
I've got the bloated belly blues

I've got to stop this. Fewer pants are fitting and some shirts are not fitting. I have XXL shirts and I think they are the only ones that fit now. At the moment, it's not over yet. Life, that is. This week I lost control of the connection that keeps me from going too far and the body is paying the price. How come why? Pity party? Naturally, but what else? Who cares? Of course, but what else? Pretending Jackson cares to ease her guilt while I insisted on spending $60 on dinner for us, Duh, this same old same old pattern, paying to kep people in my life, it is really getting old yet I've got myself hooked on it. Hooked on a feeling, even though the feeling is not only not based on empirical evidence, it is contradicted by it. Yes, it is contradicted by it, Can I obscurify it any more? Of course I can, and will, what's the rush?

Ubiquitous obsequiousness.

But am I an obscurantist or is that what is happening with our leadership in this country? Is this fake news? Go ahead, make your judgment on the first line of the paragraph and miss the multilayered points somewhere beyond your reach Something to dive into sometime later. Can righteous indignation be far behind? What? Oh, now don't go getting all obstreperous on me. Or is that me on you? I get it, the medical profession is not the caring profession it is made out to be. You feel for the doctors are god-like propaganda as easily as you fell for the god-shtick. If I told you it is 42, would you stand up and walk out of me? Thumbs up, this would have been a bumpy ride if I gave a shit. But I did. Twice tonight, in fact. And more is brewing.

Go ahead and look for two other entries, that might show up somewhere or someday or somehow.

If you really cared about me
you'd know what to say
after seeing me in this condition
you wouldn't walk away

If you really cared about me
you'd know what to do
you wouldn't be cruel
to a heart that's true

So I eat until I'm numb
Trying to become
Blind deaf and dumb

I feel the compression
in my digestion
a life in regression

Oh Oh Oh

Oh I'm a fat man baby
belly's like a butter churn
spending all my time lazy
learning how to unlearn

I'm exploding for you baby
and you may never know why
every few months when you check in
I'm a different sort of guy

if you don't connect more often
you may never get the chance to say...
goodbye.

This is the message from the bloated belly man, the ridiculous shell of the belly exploding man. This is what you find when you leave him far behind. The farts are not meant to be rude (or crude). But his only friend lift is food. He's become an order of magnitude. Cuz his only friend left is food. Too tired for an attitude. Cuz his only friend left is food. Maybe verisimilitude. But his only friend left is food. Wouldn't want to see him in the nude. Cuz his only friend left is food.

Well practiced at equanimity too. Dude.

This is what I do.

My eyes may want to close and my body aches for sleep but the promises I made are beyond the abyss deep so I'm pushing through fatigue so I can write this to the world cuz I'm lonely ans maybe someone will write hack and I won't be alone so I write and keep writing to prove I am alive and still hopeful I will find a friend and maybe even someone who wants to stay with me and after writing a few hours I am giddy happy hopeful and can sleep. See it all makes sense to me.

Will someone stay awake with me?

Narf :)