Stress? The pending World Series? The pending need to settle for just any job right after the series? The concern that I might not be able to do the job for one reason or another? (like standing on my feet for hours at a time as I've tried to do because sitting is killing my back is just tightening my back even more and is that muscles strengthening or simply age saying no more standing for hours at a time and eight hours a day of work is a long time or the last gasp reminder of how important abdominal muscles and a properly aligned spine is in this life?). Perhaps it's the doctor visit I've been putting off to check on various ailments, the most pressing of which being the chronic anal irritation with itching and occasional pain and bleeding after defecation which points to hemorrhoids, probably both internal and external {fissure} but nothing seems to be working this time (Prep-H, Zinc, Vaseline, Baby Powder each tried for at least a few days consecutively separately). So many things are missing from life these days (besides the one, a best friend to call if a nightmare wakes me, a best friend near enough to come over if I can't get out of bed or have an emergency, a best friend to sit around and do absolutely nothing with {without having to drive a half hour or more}, a best friend or any friend to share mindless tv comedy or drama or sports or anything recreational... and then there's income).
Can it really all be so simple and brief?
Standing and typing is distracting because standing in one place hurts the back. Sitting hurts the back and the butt. Could there be some sort of slipped disk? Tumor on the spine? In the abdomen somewhere pressing on the spine? Kidneys? Rectum? Blood pressure? Reaction to the blood pressure medications? This seems to happen when I start dropping weight and tightening my core. I wonder if that puts too much pressure on the organs and if there is more in the abdominal cavity than there ought to be. So here the putting off the doctor visit and check up really needed rises to the conscious distraction.
Not everybody can be Fred Flintstone, ya know?
This is not the upbeat energetic bouncy silly happy warm gun entry I wanted to come back to blogging to write, is it? Quite a bit of distraction from the relaxed babbler going on. So I attempt to sit a bit on the edge of the recliner and see what happens. I need to break the back and but a new chair with lumbar support and sit at a table-like desk more often to give my back some options. I need to do more abdominal exercises. I need a friend who will help me keep this body young and fit and chipper and not made of wooden stuff. I need to do it all by myself cuz nobody is around to motivate or coddle or comfort or inspire.
So many needs, what about desires? We can't always get what we need, you know, but we always do exactly what we want to do. I must want to laze away my days in a semi-lucid daze wasting into atrophy for the rest of this life because the longer I do it the shorter this life becomes.
Gym?
Yes Doctor?
I don't think it can take much more, Captain.
Stop the madness, this is not an episode of Star Trek where some hand held device is going to cure what ails the body.
So today I woke after noon after sleeping more than 17 hours only waking once (that I recall) to empty the bladder. Groggy world out there. Curly came by and we went to dinner at Taco Bell. His choice, I didn't argue. Loneliness makes strange meal-fellows. I had dropped weight last week when I was dying from the back pain and couldn't get out of bed to even think about eating for a day or two. Helen noticed when I met her for Mexican buffet a couple of days ago. I was going to help Curly with an air conditioner job at one of his houses but the tenant there never called him back so it was not done. He headed home and I headed here. I contemplated heading out for more food as I've been craving chocolate lately but instead had some herring in cream sauce and potato salad. That was satisfying. Apparently the border was not salty or fatty enough.
That's what happened and I am sticking to it.
Then, Facebook.
Life.
Narf. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment