You never know what to expect from the blogging mind of the babbler who is considered quite mad in some common circles of thought and intelligence (if you understand, don't make those who don't feel bad about their circle, m'ok?) as the flow of words spins in a spiral in and out of control, but you must love it if you return (and if you don't return well, you aren't reading this are you?... so who are you to judge or even pretend to know what goes on when you are not even here?... of course if you return and see that I am writing to you even you are not even here, you might appreciate the attention or consider me quite mad {it all depends on the circles you wander... you may have read about that somewhere... no worries, you are still welcome} and either way, feel free to let me know you exist because if you do not let me know you exist you might not exist beyond my imagination and if that doesn't disturb you well, does anyone take you seriously at all?) so thank you for returning and enjoying the random assortment of this and that and other things that pour into words here in this babbling version of the daily blog.
In spite of the background TV distractions, I might just be getting the babbling wheels in motion (and we're just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, right?) at least during the commercial breaks (and why are we using background TV as a distraction again?... could it be because I want to record my thoughts about the TV shows I watch for posterity for a change finally after mostly babbling through the TV blog for years {or however long it's been} without actually writing what might technically be considered reviews or critiques of the shows themselves... or could it be that life in what we kindly call the real world is so unpleasant and messed up and depressing and yucky {to be technical} that I want the distraction of imaginary people living imaginary stories to keep me from thinking and feeling and dealing with the yuck... I am still sending out resumes kinda sorta regularly... sheesh, can I just get off this world already?), so there is still some will to live in me because babbling is a sign of a will to live (even if, sometimes, it is a will to live in a place where I have no responsibilities. I wonder if anyone else kinda sorta considers welcoming institutionalization.
Ok, so these are the moments I feel tired of taking care of myself and everyone else as I've always done since I was a very young child (there is a story of my life somewhere in the written gardens, but if you haven't discovered it {and I know much of it never did get online, but maybe you corresponded with me offline way back before the internet} yet, the details for this childhood reference independence milestones like cooking most meals for myself before I started grade school and understood I did not actually have to do (or believe) as I was told shortly after that, in fact, I realized I was an independent being {we all are, in case you don't know that... dependency is an illusion we create to feel less alone, but we are alone living in separate bodies living a solitary timeline no matter how well connected we appear to get... we are born in our own bodies and we die in our our bodies and we live in our own bodies with our own unique perspectives, knowledge, and experience whether we like it or acknowledge that fact or not} shortly after learning how to use the toilet, which was some time during my second year on the planet.
There are a lot of these moments coming together lately, building this past year and even before this past year. Jackson kept me from moving in the direction of leaving humanity and life among people behind and the part of me that does mot want to give up on life and people is hanging on to her (whether she knows it or not) because in some way she keeps hope alive (as long as I ignore how little time she wants to spend with me... like none... ahhhh, don't remind me... oh look, Zoo is back on the TV... it has so many one-liner cliches and references to pop culture written in as supposedly cute or clever asides by the characters, especially the female characters... as usual, a fair share of chauvinism abounds).
So life, the dirt, drama, and details. That is what we are here for, to cut through the brevity of the briefer daily blog (which has gone quite silent in recent weeks, alas... who notices?) and dig down to the nitty gritty of the life (even if some details are dirty, dramatic, or downright gruesome). Within the babble, there is clarity. The title is a clue, remember?
That's right, I finally got to the doctor and the least concerning possibility is the diagnosis, a fungal infection. So I need to get a prescription filled and figure out how to maximize the topical medication between bowel movements. Yes, this is what you come here for, my analysis of how and when I am going to put cream on my ass. Now if I can only learn how to hover, I won't have to sit on it and be uncomfortable.
Now that I either have your attention or you are gone (as if the first three paragraphs were not enough, aye? lol lam oh really?... you are not laughing?... what are you doing here then?... you may not actually be getting me, alas, but thanks for reading and do leave a tip in the jar before you go... everybody goes, you know... but you are forgiven and loved even after you do... of course you'll know that better if you stick around, so there's your decision... should you stay or should you go... feel free to hum the chorus), would you like to swing on a star? life sucks, then you die. What was that about cliches?
So I am staying home (as much as this place depresses me) to stay naked and keep my ass in the air, so to speak. The essential aspect of treatment is cleaning, drying, regular application of medication, and keeping the skin dry. That does not happen when the butt cheeks are constricted by underwear and pants and body weight is pressing down. The skin must breath. Luckily, I don't work or have too many obligations so I can lay but-up (or on my side) for a few days or as long as it takes. Hopefully this treatment will actually work where all the other treatment I tried for the past few months have failed.
Now, are we having fun or what? :)
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