Goodbye Alice

When TV characters leave shows it is like losing an imaginary family member even if the characters move on cleanly and happily. Living in my mind brings a large imaginary family from within and from fiction. TV provides several departures and sudden deaths to my imaginary family. At the moment four key characters come to mind. Brody may be gone from NCIS:NO. Dinozzo finally moved on from NCIS. Then there is Derek suddenly killed off on Criminal Minds and the one that cut me (and Jackson) deepest, Ziva. I mean, she wasn't even on the show for years, but the character... there was always hope she'd come back. Imaginary family sometimes does come back, even after they've been killed in the story.

Unfortunately, that does not happen with non-imaginary people. In the physical world, usually called the real world, when someone dies they die. No more coming back. No more contact. All we are left with are memories and what might have been. Thoughts turn to what we might have done if we knew the last time we saw someone would be the last time we saw someone. Thoughts turn to wishing we showed we cared more and made more time to spend with the person who died. Feelings turn to sadness for all the sharing that could have been and will not be.

Alice died.

sometimes I feel that people don't get close the way they used to
I look around
everybody running in different directions
simple social gatherings have become inspections
making snap judgments seem to be all people do
mot even sure if they want to
do you want to?

sometimes we get lucky and find some one who connects to real
the way we feel
everybody else is looking for something they'll never find
some sort of god or drug that will bring peace to their mind
quick fix to problems of their own creation
settling for superficial sensation
emancipation

suddenly the searching ends
when you know you found a friend
everything can relax and unwind
it becomes so easy to be kind
life becomes so much more fun
no longer a game and yet we've won
everything becomes more meaningful
everything becomes more beautiful
everything becomes more wonderful
and we finally know why we are alive
as long as we survive

Alice was a good from for a decade or so. She and Jane were close, living on the same street for longer than I knew either of them. Alice was where I went for Thanksgiving dinner every year for most of the last decade. We met in the board and cards game group and became more personal friends (whereas most in the larger group enjoy just being gaming friends). Even during my isolation phases we've keep in touch by text and phone. Only Jane was closer to me in the game group crowd. Alice may have understood me better as we both spent our childhoods in the same culture in the same areas of New York City. Only a few people were closer to me in the physical real world. Sigh. Some may say she found a different kind of emancipation.

The human race is missing a precious heart and this planet is different today. Alice doesn't live here anymore.