And time goes by so... suddenly sometimes. Since last November I have lived a life of distraction. Not working. Enjoying the freedom while ignoring the underlying stress of the savings dwindling toward none. Fool I am to dare to wander this path so aimlessly yet again. Loving every minute of it, even if I end up in the poor house once again. I am a fool, but a fool chasing a dream that might be the tail I no longer have. Hope you are well. :)
Ok, so what in the world is going on in that? Even more to the point, perhaps (just perhaps?... maybe) the questions is what is going on in my head? I don't write much. Am I depressed? Giving up? Not wanting to think? (writing usually leads me to think). Cinnamon. The thinking usually forms words in the brain and they come out through the fingers by tapping keys, ya know? At the moment I am quite distracted and somewhat grumpy mostly because I have been eating a very different (and supposedly healthier, at least according to modern medical science) diet and missing my comfort foods is not fun for me or anyone around me. The internet TV is also on in the background a lot so that helps the distracted thinking. I should set some goals. Apple Cider Vinegar. I am lonely and not fulfilling that with this blog and have a lot of sharing going on almost every day offline and I have turned to J again (thank you J) for actual correspondence (and excerpts from that conversation, at least my side without violating any personal confidences, will likely end up somewhere online because I think there is a lot of valuable insight into me for anyone wishing to know me and I am, after all, hoping someone finds me and wants to know me). So I am writing elsewhere.
So many distractions. I want a portable. I am hungry. More TV. Dancing in the Dark has been playing in my head recently (definitely not the Rihanna version). Looking for a spark. A touch of Melissa too. Just the way it is. Some things will never change. Maybe. Or maybe I'm wrong.
I would really like to share some physical contact before I die. Sex would be nice. I know, sometimes I laugh at the way I can present pathos. Pathetic, aye? Yeah, but you ought to know before lining up at my bed (or wherever) that there is a 99% changes (probably higher) that you won't get past my door (yeah, I've been fixing a hole for a long long time... sigh. Besides that, I have an obnoxiously picky libido and libido {aka Libbo} rules the bed... even Linda, who has a face that has melted me so many times, would not appeal at her current weight), but keep on knocking even if you can't get in. Certainly the lyrical references are abundant. Raw Potato Starch too. Watching Big Bang Theory now and previously CSI: Cyber and Criminal Minds and Second Chance and oh, the places I don't go. Laughing all the way as rainbows shine through the tears. La la la.
So maybe I am just having too much fun to write about it. I sent out more than a hundred resumes. I went for a job interview. I played softball. We won the last two 25-0 and 17-14. I skipped one in order to be an angel at a charity auction. I played cards a couple of times, once at the local bridge club. I skipped one card night to have dinner with Jackson. I watched TV (I mentioned that). haven't been on Facebook all week and really enjoy time away from the drama and world news. Make the world go away, if you know that one.
Yeah, so maybe we are all caught up on life. Lonely and grumbling over lack of comfort food going on a few weeks now. Not stepping on any scales and still feeling bloated more often than I think I should, but hey, whatever I am dying from (or is that of?) is happening so whatever. Early morning long day of softball tomorrow and since I have been eating very few calories (just two yogurts and some sunflower seeds today), I need extra sleep to survive 8-9 hours in the sun playing ball tomorrow. Gonna be fun.
Hope you are having fun too. :)
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