forgetting what I came here for
trying to recall my last shower
days before this final hour
world is turning
bodies burning
hearts are yearning
child is learning
maybe if we sleep for another hundred years
we will find a cure for all of these tears
the world is not as complex as it appears
it all comes down to a few simple fears
time is turning
bodies burning
hearts are yearning
child is learning
Maybe someday I'll come back to that rhyme and figure out what I did with the time that seems to be lost somewhere, I don't know... it is a . . . part of the show. With . . . being a three syllable word describing this part of the show.
So what are we doing here? Simple as it appears. Just hoping somebody cares. Just wishing someone would share. Is losing track of time really such a crime?
Well, this is being written on the morning of a job interview (diving into the details of the life this blog is supposed to be about... I mean, after all, did you think it was all fun and games and rhymes and general cynical pessimistic depressive thoughts?... ahem, let's clear out collective throats and get dwn to the business of the dirt, drama, and details of this life I loosely call mine, m'ok?) when the money's running out and the rent is due and the car payment is falling into arrears and it really seems like nobody cares. Can we pull another miracle out of this air?
Underarms burn. Anus itches. And the groin is getting there too bitches.
The last cold shower was a few days ago...
Hmmmm, am I going to get on with the usual babble or is this creative distraction of rhyming obscurity going to continue so we don't know what is real and what is creative play and such and such or something like that... is that really a question?
Ok, start again...
This morning I washed at the sink with paper towels and ivory soap and warm water. The clean rinse is the hardest part. Waiting too. No more hot showers. I have an interview in less than two hours. Time to pay $10 for a gym membership, maybe that is exactly what I need. Exercise and hot showers. Exercise and hot showers. Exercise and hot showers. If I repeat it enough maybe it will happen and repeat again every day. Exercise is repetition, after all. Exercise and hot showers. That is what the body needs. Exercise and hot showers.
I shall upload the last few days another time as I do not want to be late for this interview. Tinman hooked me up with his boss in his office. Some sort of data entry job for $10 an hour. Better than nothing. It will pay for the car and the hot showers at the gym. It will pay for food. It will pay for the storage and phone. It will pay for the car to be services and insurance in March. It will not pay the rent though. Maybe $300 a week after taxes and deductions. More than one week for the car. More than two weeks for insurance. A week for the storage and the gym. A week for the phone and food. At least insurance is just twice a year since there are not five weeks in a month. So I need another job to pay the rent, but I'll take this one if it's offered. I can still clean and service the car and drive for Uber or some other delivery service in the evenings.
I will fix The plumbing problem here with my first paycheck if I get the job. Counting the eggs as chickens gives a little more hope than not having anything to count at all. Maybe then I can stay a little longer. I have not paid rent since I got here in the first week of November. Whatever day it is, that is a long time to be a guest in someone's home. He calls me roommie. Such a wonderful guy. The Maharaja may be almost as generous as I am. Though I would be offering money and more by now with much reassurance of continued hospitality. Been there, done that, over and over. From the beginning. It is the emotional and psychological reassurance that boosts the spirit and renews the hope when everything seems hopeless. I need to ask for that and I am not always sure how. Will you be asking me to leave today?
wondering if today is the day
The day time runs out on his hospitality
The day time runs out on his generosity
How can I know, what can I say?
Will you be asking me to leave today?
Not too many people can handle that much direct honesty. Especially not when the person asking may have no where else to go but the street or his car. I should start getting dressed, I suppose. The interview is about 20 minutes away with current traffic and traffic will likely double in the next hour so I will leave myself almost an hour to get there and it is 7:40am now. 9am interview. Business casual, Tinman said. A shirt and dress pants are hanging next to me. The same shirt I've worn to a dozen interviews in the past few months. The body and shirt match, neither are shower-fresh. I don't think either smell though. The nose can be fooled by prolonged proximity though. The armpits still burn though. The weight gained back likely has my sugar levels over the Diabetes II line so the fungus is among us once again. This place is a whole lot cleaner than it was when I got here, but it is still infested in the walls and under the sink and keeping it from becoming visible in the bathroom is a daily constant cleaning process. I buy the chemicals and do the cleaning, it's the least I can do. The Maharaja appreciates it.
Sitting all day doing data entry will require a lot of shifting in the chair to prevent the hemorrhoids or fissures or lesions or whatever from flaring up and fungus from growing. Must drop the weight again. Must get that gym membership and use it for hot showers. There is a $10 gym right next to the workplace. If I get this job. Time to get dressed and head out. Soon.
Whatever the date, this could be a very good day. All I need to do is get past the depressing thoughts about getting stuck at a dead end job that won't pay the rent. I can sleep in the car and shower at the gym and store my clothes at the storage place, though the storage place is at least 40 minutes from the job and gym, so driving there daily would not be wise. I could stop there on Sundays or Mondays when I play softball and keep a week's worth of clean clothes in the car. A few weeks. I'll need to clean out the trunk if I start driving for Uber. Softball stuff and waters fill it now. Where there is a will there is a way.
As long as one keeps hoping, there is always hope. There is always hope as long as one keeps hoping. And since I hope there is always hope, then there is always hope because I am always hoping that there is always hope.
Hence, my theme... There is always hope (I hope).
I am laughing and much more upbeat and positive than this entry might suggest. Your perspective affects your reading, and everything, so I hope you find the smiling humors in the words. I let it out into words and walk away a happier camper. It's the process, ya know?
Are we having fun yet? LOL
Narf :)
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