Friday, October 7, 2016

Ready For Mathew (Details)

Watching Criminal Minds while the power is still on. The phone is plugged in so it will be fully charged when the power goes out. The two back up charges are fully charged. Whith nominal use I should have phone for at least a few days and possibly up to a week. Uf power is out here that long, there is a high probability that I will be able to find a place to charge up somewhere within driving distance. I have five flashlights within reach. Unfortunately, all of them have weakish batteries. I may have batteries in one of the boxes, but I went through fifteen boxes and didn't find any. I didn't find the large candles either, but I found two candles in glass containers, five candles that can replace the candles in the containers, a dozen one in candles, and a dozen tea candles. I think I might have thrown the big candles out trying to reduce the stuff I kept the last time I moved. I had a $50 emergency lantern, but that stopped working. So I have what I have. It should be enough light for minimal getting around.

I am not sure how well I could read a book by candle light anyway. The older the eyes get, the more light they require. Still no glasses, but getting there. On to food. I have plenty of cnned food, but I will try to stay healthy and I have a bag of lettuce and a bag of carrots and a cucumber and squash in the fridge. If the power goes out overnight they will still be good for a meal or two tomorrow. I did not eat for the past 48 hours. No hunger. I fast like that now and then when I want to drop weight and rest the bowels. I may be turning stress into loss of appetite as well, though usually stress triggers bninge eating. I have chocolate, canned pastas, cherry ices, and a few other comfort foods here and only touched them once since I started this restricted diet when I got those labs. Dinner tonight was lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, squash, and four or five ounces of fat free cottage cheese with two heaping teaspoons of raw potato starch. There is no Olestra or Olean in the cottage cheese, there is preservative and coloring though. I would rather have food without, but that is challenging to find as well as more expensive and at the moment, I must keep expenses as low as possible.

It is getting warmer here. Maybe because I opened the door and let in hot humid air. Maybe because I ate. maybe because the electronics are putting out heat. Maybe overheating was the problem with the battery or power supply or computer. I will turn on the fan.

I rearranged the tables and fans (I am surrounded by six folding tables now. One for candles directly next to me. One for food right next to that. One for the laptop directly in front of me. One behind the laptop for the fans and the left speaker. One for the radio {and junk I need to clean up} just to the right of me. One for the large monitor just to the left of that one). The large monitor sits on top of the old laptop, one more old laptop I did not close out. By close out, I mean make a final copy of the hard drive and then clear it and reformat it. I have a half dozen laptops and two computers in a box in the same state. I think I may have through out one of the computers when I moved. The old stuff, at least 15 years old. Maybe more lost words. A lot of it may be in the computers in storage in New York, if I ever see them again. I suppose I was a fool to not take the time to go get the stuff and bring it down here when I had the big income job. I was spending too much on living without a steady sharing of expenses by my roommate. I was waitimg for the person who wanted to share it all with me. Not the first time I've been a fool in this life.

Before I sat back down I got some more food out of the fridge. Three slices of fat free cheese (probably not healthy... I must check ingredients before buying fat free stuff), three teaspoons light mayo, two teaspoons organic cashew butter left over from when I was much more comfortable spending money, a little lettuce and cucumber, and water. Next time I get up I will put the mayo, mustard, and cashew butter back in the fridge and throw the trash in the garbage bag. I was still hungry after the first semi-meal. Much better now.

I had to stop listening to the radio news because they are so inflammatory. The news lives to scare people with the worst possible scenario. This country, maybe all of humanity, is addicted to the chemical rush that fear brings and I am so tired of it. Worse, I am succumbing to it. The good news is I do not like it, so it is kind of like alcohol, I stopped drinking after a few years of seriously excessive drinking because I didn't like it. Same for cigarettes. It just was not worth doing something to fit in when I didn't like doing it. Anyway, the radio is repetitive and fear-mongering, just like most everything else.

The TV didn't satisfy either. I reached for more cashew butter. At first I thought it might be spoiled because it had a white substance on one side and then I realized it was separated cashew fat that turned white in the fridge. I ned to get up and put stuff away. Maybe I'll try Facebook after that. I tried it earlier and got bored and lonely.

So I tried it again and got bored, though not as lonely. Loneliness is more contingent on wanting to share than on being alone.

More is in here, just getting sleepy.

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