Sunday, December 11, 2016

Straining to Give

I found myself wandering back in time and suddenly babbling at DLand (behind the candoor) for a while a day or few ago, but never finished as the body got wonky and distracted me or the muses or all of us involved in this madcap adventure you are reading. After a bit of a serious scare a few days ago, I've been self-medicating with chocolate while trying my best to hold down calories and stimulants on every other level. It may be working, though the weight loss program may be suffering. If I make it through the "holiday season" still under 200 pounds, I might consider that a success on some level even though I know I can and should do better. If only I had some external inspiration and energy in my face now and then. Right now would be a good time. Or anytime. Sigh. I've always been such a stubborn DIY project.

So what else is new?

I caught up on the CBS shows and watched the Criminal Minds Beyond Borders that were available. Seeing Garcie from the original in all of them is not settling in well as she seems like she's trying to play a different character in each show. Another glaring obvious flaw is how formula the show is and how predictable (and shallow) characters are. Maybe if SBC offered more than just a few episodes with big gaps, I'd be more into some characters. Then I dove into the first season of CSI and while there are some odd gaps there, the show moves much better than the Criminal Minds spin off.

Last night and today I've been indulging my music loving brain cells and they are so happy to be awakened, if it is tentative and teporary. I sang a bit with Elvis, one of my early singing teachers (along with Barbara Streisand, Andy Williams, Justin Hayward, John and Paul from the Beatles, Leslie Gore, some Broadway stars, and a whole lot of others). That felt good, though it pointed out how out of shape this body has become, especially the abs, diaphragm, the lips, tongue, and vocal chords.

I spend hours wandering mytube on youtube adding songs to the soundtrack of my life (which is even more personally biographical than the video me, I mean, in case it matters and you were interested in getting to know me and delving deeper into my psyche and heart and loins or any of the above (please state your business at the first portal) for oh, the inspirations to be found there.

After a day of enjoying music and other videos on youtube (as opposed to mytube or other soundtracks of this life I vaguely call mine), waking my voice and heart and that part of my mind that longs for the dream, my quest, my truth, I suppose I can't help wanting to fall in love again. It is a simple hope that keeps me out here waving at you. It's just the way I am. Every now and then a song from one of my personal therapy mixes come back to my memory (cassette tapes lost in Toronto) and shake me inside ever so well and sometimes, they take me back and just blow me away. Sheesh. Yeah.

So anyway, shifting to distraction because it is available, she is still just so much fun ya know? Or I could say whatever. Deep inside where is a show. In which we are together. I don't know what this means to you but it could be everything, or nothing if you want it to be nothing, a random melody. I have no idea where those links I just linked will take you, but if you clicked and smiled I'd love to know. I'm vulnerable tonight, so I won't wake you. I don't want to be told it's time to go. This could be such a sad song... or a love song... if you make it so.

Then, suddenly, Bridge. Speaking of the card game, not an above ground roadway. I texted to wish Precious a Happy Birthday (because it is her birthday) and we make plans to meet for dinner tomorrow and another text from ... invites me to dinner tomorrow but I text back explaining I just made plans for tomorrow and another text from Excel invites me to dinner and bridge tonight so I drop the stay home with videos plan and head to bridge and it was tense tonight because Curly's double standard was bullying the game (when I talk it's cheating, when he talks he's teaching or learning) and after the last hand was dealt because he said he wanted to play one more he looked at the scores and looked at his hand and said he was leaving. The Commodore teased him about not wanting to play because he was a few hundred points ahead as he walked out). So it was sudden bridge start to finish. Excel, The Commodore, and I played another game because The Commodore wanted to continue playing and then I headed back here.

It was a fun and relaxing day, except for the tension at Bridge. Still not feeling great, but it doesn't feel serious today. All we can do is all we can do.



Hope life is smiling for you.

Narf :)

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