I've filled the past few days (and weeks and months and years and lifetimes, perhaps) with babbling nonsense, distractions, and what might someday be profound insight into genius stuff, but then, who am I to judge.
As for life, this morning I waited for The Maharaja to wake and shower and head out to his daily work and projects as he usually does. Today was a late day for him.
I showered and explored the possibilities of things to do.
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Nice list. Nothing. Same old nothing. Not that there is nothing on the list, just nothing new. Nothing but the same old stuff Job search. Babbling. Music. Internet. TV. Food. Clean. Drive. Shop. Walk. Exercise. Hmmmm, that last one hasn't happened for a long time. On a Wednesday? Maybe I'll just turn on the TV.
No wonder nobody stays in touch anymore. Except J. Thanks J.
After lunch, chicken and spaghetti, decided I'd write some more and pulled some words out of my last email to J to provide us with an entry or few. So there was one this morning and here comes another now. On to another TV series, John Doe, and it's showing a lot of stupidity, false logic, bad writing, and mediocre acting. The writers have no clue how to develop characters and the main character especially, but most characters are written as stupid, emotionally weak, and shallow. Way too much formula, overdone contrived emotions, and way too many shortcuts.
Eli Stone, on the other hand, was well done. While I had to ignore a whole lot of god references as if there was no doubt at all that a god actually exists (which, for the rational mind in this physical world is simply illogical, but then, they did say acupuncture is not real so there is some rational thought, however skewed, in the show... a complete lack of skepticism belongs in churches, not in TV shows... though there may be more empirical evidence for acupuncture than for the religious concept of god, but that's the way of this world so let's get back to ignoring the god references and returning to enjoying the show). Season one was very well done. A mix between Ally McBeal and Touched By An Angel, the latter show annoyed me with way too much blind faith and lack of reason or skepticism.
Anyway, let's get back to me (cuz you want to know), Monday I spent the majority of the day online job searching starting before sunrise and then went to the afternoon appointment with the GI Specialist doctor. I was sad afterward because of the experience, so I watched internet TV (in the past week or so I watched the entire two seasons of a detective/cop show called Life which I and started a two season series called Eli Stone which continues... both have some merit, though the latter faded as the writing got weaker while I wish the former would have continued into a third season).
I can talk about other things to, in case it matters.
Somewhere along the way in the past few days I felt like writing again and poured a lot of babble into the daily blogs with musical accompaniment as music replaced video. Well, it will alternate with video. The video is when I want to just vege. The music is when I want to feel. So what else is new?
Jackson called. We spoke for five minutes as she drove home from work. Awkward. She cares too much, she says. Needs space, needs time, ok. I'll be as silent and invisible as I can be and see if that helps. If she really cares, I don't see how it can, because pushing me away and not being there for me at all is certainly not caring and certainly no way to relieve guilt of using me, but I'll give her what she says she needs. That's what friends are for.
Harpo called a few times while I was doing other things and I called him back. He's been stressing over plans for holiday parties and explained, again, why he does not want to have one at his place and that there was going to be one at Sarducci's place, which is pretty tiny and won't fit more than a handful of people comfortably. He told me the details were posted on Facebook and I was invited. I don't want to go on Facebook. For too many reasons to think about at the moment, Facebook is depressing and I do not want to add or feed any depressive thoughts in my head.
More and more, avoiding Facebook definitely limits my social interactions and opportunities for more. Too many people I know (Jackson and Harpo, the two who have been closest for the last ten years, especially... and a few larger groups as well) depend on FB for the entirety of their daily communications about social activities. People have gotten so superficial and distance because of the social media dependency, actually being there for someone and caring is becoming a rare occurrence and a skill people seem to be losing. The socially accepted norm is to treat spontaneity as awkward or intrusive, even rude and shunned. I don't like the direction our culture is headed.
Like Jack said in that movie, people can't handle the truth.
People do not seem to understand the serious risks of such a disconnected, impersonal culture. More people need to read Huxley, Orwell, and other writers of dystopia to wake up (though most would probably just get depressed as that seems to be the popular reaction to pending doom or the reality of human existence... I am still energized and find hope in the creative expression of anything, almost... actual physical abuses and harms in physical life do not amuse or inspire me no matter how creative it might be, but that's another TV series we won't ride into babble for the moment as there is quite enough non-physical abuse {neglect, careless disregard, etc.) going on in "real" life these days), but then, I may digress (I just spent more than an hour reading other sites and the brain loves the charge of information, creativity, and energy). I am really excited to have found these audio files and look forward to listening to more such audio books and shows as long as my ears can function. (Tinnitus is not always fun) :)
Just because I am smiling does not mean I am happy with the world. I am just happy.
Even if that makes no sense to you.
Happy missing you.
Narf :)
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