I must return to my blog writing (even if I don't upload... that writing time is my sanctuary within my head) and I so appreciate J because the email exchange we share is the one thread I am keeping open in my written world today outside of Facebook and blogging. J's caring is so very important to me right now words simply could not express it if I tried. The fact that I don't want to try (like in rhymes the way I used to) is a sad sign of how depressed I feel at the moment. It will pass, it is a reaction mostly to the shooting and the community depression but also my personal realization that I am not actually part of any community because I am not gay or religious or normal and I have not found any family or community into which I actually fit so not fitting in anywhere compounds the sense of isolation and aloneness and uselessness I feel because I am not doing much with my time because I am not working and do not have much outside of softball these days.
It's a strange magic, or something like that.
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