Irony, But It's Not About Me

This life brings many changes in many ways and it is easy to let ego make everything about me. When I was a kid getting into music songs were messages from the artist directly to me. The lyrics were mine to interpret as I saw them and songs became profound companions, even guides through life. It was illusion, perhaps delusion, but it made so much sense and provided so much emotional release, healing, catharsis, and expression that even pain, when expressed in song, was pleasure. Some may find a similar crossover in other ways, for instance sexually, but for me it was the emotional personalization of songs. Then we come to world events.

I could look at the recent writings and say all the self-pity was getting a bit much. I could see the self-indulgence of woe-is-me over the empathic way I feel everything as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders (and it is, one every ones, but few actually feel it). I could see the plea for help, the need for release and relief and as with most needs, especially emotional needs, it was all illusion. For as I was feeling the heat and needing positivity and letting go of the wheel for almost two months, the worst tragedy in the history of this city I live in happened and mst of my Facebook friends and most of the people I know in this city were very affected, many personally affected by the shooting at Pulse Nightclub.

I don't want to write about it. I want to go out and do something about it. I joined a group on Facebook and added hundred of friends to the group. We are going to go to funerals and memorials and support the families and friends who suffered direct loses.

I could personalize it and believe I was feeling the tragedy in the air. If we believe everything is connected, whether through physics or a spiritual being and that energy is real, then who is to say I can't feel it too. Who is to say any of us can if we open ourselves enough. Surely it would overwhelm the senses and drown the mind. Religions claim no one can know the mind of god and wouldn't that connective energy be something like that? Physicists and philosophers may claim not being can be so sensitive as to feel every wave and particle of energy and yet, are we not part of everything? The negative energy that culminated in forty nine deaths and even more wounded was out there and perhaps it is just ego creative a delusion that it was somehow affecting me before the acts and events occurred. Who knows.

But it's not about me. It is about lives lost and people suffering. It is about families mourning. It is about a community in shock. It is about a world in deep delusional divisions that create fear and hatred and violence. It is about what we can do to help make it a little better.

I may catch up on this blog somewhere down the road, but I may be gone for a while. Whatever the reason I started the pause in the writing a few days before the tragic events that now will change my daily life for at least a few weeks, the one and I can ponder one day (you can too, as you wish). Life is not about me right now. No worries, I will surely be back to my egocentric whining and lamenting and complaining and wondering sooner or later (writing is my way, after all), but I will be elsewhere til tomorrow, whenever tomorrow comes.

Namaste and love and peace and be good to yourself.