Today was a sleep day as noted in a previous entry. Mellow and not down and no guilt or shame or pressing panic about lounging around and letting the body find it's own circadian rhythm. I think the lack of pressure from Curly who is giving me this place to stay for just helping him with his various jobs (physical work, but good for the body as long as I pace myself) has helped me past my own pressure to find income. If not for the car payments, I'd be in a pretty good place because all those car payments would stay in the bank (and all past payments would have put $20K more in the bank. Alas, I have a reliable vehicle and that is very important, but I bought it and spent money as if I had a partner sharing expences and as we know, Jackson never did actually share expenses and even now... sigh.
Wednesday does seem to still be the day of the week where I get introspective and real within my self and the good news is the depressing thoughts are dissippating and the acceptance is blooming and the positivity grows all around that.
Tonight I played Chess and actually lost a game, the first in many months or longer, and no big deal. No negative thinking. Self-esteem still rising. I played Bridge for a while to continue learning. The computer brindge game says it follows American standard rules for bidding but it gets pretty cobfusing with some of it's bidding and play. Either that or the computer partner simply sucks. The opponents, however, apparently can see each other's hand and maybe all four hands because they are almost never finessed. Definitely flaw in the bidding and game play that makes it unrealistic for learning much beyond a bigginer level.
I played Words with Friends on the phone with Jackson and Siskel. Both of those games are just a half dozen or so words started. I played Ruzzle for the first time in more than a week and am sitting in first place on the first day. Tournaments start the first day of play and I guess they gather the next twenty or so people and close the game so everybody gets at least one gold coin (20th place gets one gold coin... I got that last week when I did not play at all).
I am turning on music, Lenka. Yes again. Dreaming of Oz or the one or just being understood and close to someone where some hugging and cuddling is involved. I think. Music has replaced TV as surrogate voice and imaginary friend. Lenka and I would get along great, no doubt. Yeah, TV is fantasy too, but it fills the void of intimacy and creativity and friends and family as well as anything can (other than actual people) of all available possibilities.
I just cooked and ate dinner, the word cooked used very loosely to mean opened, poured, mixed, and heated in the microwave. Tonights mixture was cream of mushroom soup base, onion dip mix, two big teaspoons of chopped garlic (from a jar in oil), a quarter cup or so of shredded cheddar cheese, two thirds of a can of chicken, a sliver of vegetable spread, and a dollup of fat free mayo. Vanilla yogurt for dessert. It was delicious for me because I love soups and sauces and when you don't add water to canned cream of mushroom soup it is a thick gravy casserole.
What now? Ok, I am bored enough to return to Gaia and see how the fish are doing.
Laters :)
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