Laughing at the title, I will remind myself once again (for whatever new or old reasons) that I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook lately. The briefer blog notes that (as do the prior to entries in this blog, in case you have not noticed, in case it matters, rah rah rah), but the point is that Facebook offers me more meaningful conversation and even more sincere caring (at least in words) than the people I call friends in the real world most days. Certainly the gifts of the laptop, the phone, the free place to live are demonstrations that the people in my life closest to me do care about me, but on a daily basis there is little or no sharing beyond the superficial.
Curly lives in his work, distracted from anything going on outside (he gets testy when The Commodore and I even mention politics or any serious subject, so we don't). He doesn't seem to realize how much he dominates conversation and the games we play by trying to explain everything and not trusting anyone to do anything without his supervision. He says I dominate conversations and games and that is true at times, but he seems to miss the fact that he does it even more. I know it is his insecurity, but it can be very overbearing and confusing when trying to learn a new game.
Jackson has a busy life that does not intersect with mine at all anymore, alas. She is no longer the person I call in an emergency or count on for a ride if I need one. I don't know who I'd call if I got stuck somewhere. She is just too busy and too far away. I wonder if she would call me in an emergency if Brandi was not available. It would hurt even more if she wouldn't. Especially since I have so much time on my hands. Life is very lonely without her.
Helen is there and would probably come out in an emergency, but she lives a very scheduled life most of the time and doesn't go out during the week. We enjoy lunches and dinners together but since I must keep my expenses to a minimum we don't get together as much. We do count on each other for the rides and favors of life, except that because she is busier and like most everyone else, works a job that doesn't give her much time off, it's not that kind of drop everything relationship Jackson and I used to have.
Harpo is probably the one who would drop everything for me fastest but he is also the one not working and having the most free time. I have been avoiding thinking about the softball trip in August but he is probably the one I will ask for a ride to the airport, though he will be busy for the pick-up so I'll have to ponder there. Maybe Helen.
I am realizing that loneliness is growing more and more this year. So Facebook occupies my time and helps me feel less lonely. Facebook gives me more meaningful conversations about life and other subjects. I still refuse to put Facebook on my phone because I do not want to become even more dependent than I am on the sharing I can find there because in many ways it is illusionary and letting it take too much time replaces time I could be sharing with people offline. Finding a close friend and partner off line is still the most important piece of the puzzle of life missing.
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