Strange how people flip switches in their emotions (or rather strange how emotions flip switches in people). The only change I made was to not play as competitively as I can, to not pay attention to the cards and the game as much as I can, and all was well. I came in second for the first game to Excel, second in the second game to Curly, and deliberately came in last for the third game. Curly was fine, like he got all his frustrations out in words last night and all I had to do was dumb down to make everything better. The story of my life.
Meanwhile, the new guy (I suppose I should name him, but I don't feel it yet... maybe Wilbur) still doesn't really grasp the games (Bridge on Saturdays or Spades, Hearts, Oh Hell, or others on Tuesdays) and he slows the game down and changes the way we play as he is by far the weakest player and does not seem open to learning. On top of that, he has poor boundaries and is frequently too close for comfort crowding feet under the table, crowding too close next to people, or reaching around people. It doesn't help that he does not appear to be a clean person. Tonight he took my plate without asking and it was before I was actually finished eating. Whether trying to be helpful or deliberately intrusive, it was intrusive. He also gets crumbs everywhere and grease on the cards (which usually drives Curly batty so maybe that's part of what got under his skin and he took it out on me... projection and transference?... sheesh) as he seldom wipes his hands, even after licking his fingers, and is always snacking on whatever is out to be snacked on. I stop snacking the minute he starts or I get my own bowl, but he reaches for anyone's bowl when his is empty and he empties his fast. That helps me stop snacking as he seems to be the final straw for me as far as ignoring the food junkie mindset most of the card players share (I sure am one, but seeing one much more addicted to snacking who also has unsanitary habits {like licking his fingers and reaching back in the communal bowl for more chips} helps me say no to sharing more snacks. I think we are all slowly adjusting in our own ways to his habits and the new dynamic he brings to the table, the space, and the party. I don't think anyone is having more fun.
Besides him, me, and Curly there was Excel, Elton, and Knobby so we played a round of Oh Hell and then a round of Hearts and then another round of Hearts. It was light fun even though I had to go back to deliberately letting people win to satisfy Curly. I am missing Spades as we don't play it much with more than four people because no one likes to play it cutthroat. It is my favorite card game and the one I have the most success in and control of, which may be why we don't play much.
Alas, I am who I am. That upsets some. I often dominate an experience when I focus on something and the only way to stop is to break focus and do less than my best (I see that as disrespectful on so many levels, but many see that as respect... respecting fears that limit minds, alas, we have different perspectives... must I parent everybody?... shhhh, you know better, this is your place in this world until the one comes along). Intensity. Mental focus. Concentration. Energy. Some physicists and psychologists and philosophers (oh not, not that again, he includes the self-mockery that keeps ego in check) could probably explain it, I just live it. I don't always experience it as I sometimes focus on a task so much I shut down peripheral senses and even empathy. I used to be so much more empathic than I am these days. It hurt too much.
Did you notice how I shifted from writing to you then to myself then to the third person and back to you in that last paragraph?
I wish it was as shallow as just ego. Sigh.
Narf :)
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